How we present ourselves determines how we are treated?

[AgneathaForest]

It is a well known concept, but interesting to see how it works in real life.

I have a friend who typically wears rather plain but well made clothes, has long hair which she always twists back into a neat french twist. She is average height and good looking. She recently told me that after having her hair cut into a contemporary style she has noticed a swift change in how people respond to her when out and about (shopping, bank, restaurants etc).
According to her, she is treated with less respect generally, compared to her old look. I thought this was really fascinating!

I also noticed that when I am fully togged up in rain wear with my hood up and waterproof boots on (so that most of me is hidden), people are much less likely to slow down and allow me to cross a road, or hold a door open and so on. In ordinary clothes (say a summer dress for example) I have observed cars slow to let me cross far more often than when I am accompanied by DP.

I think we barely realise this in everyday life, how society will make quick, unconscious judgements about us from our surface appearance, often before we can even open our mouths. When I am mostly visible with hair loose, people are noticeably friendlier and more accommodating. And I am presuming it is different for all of us, considering looks, age, gender, etc, but it does stand.

My friend thinks that previously people considered her to be wealthier or of a higher status due to her hair and clothes. I was very young looking in my 20's and was definitely treated as if I was a teen, frustratingly.

Anyone have any other examples of this?

That said, I was gently mocked and called precious when I used an umbrella in Wigan, once! Whilst I hail from Lancashire, not far from there, I was rather impressed by how resilient Wigan natives were in the face of freezing rain, wind and low temps.
I now notice which towns are quick to put their brollies up in a shower. Shrewsbury fit my personality like a glove.

My Yorkshire-born friend thinks I and everyone else with a perfectly standard RP accent sound "posh".

It always makes me laugh, because her family are far posher than mine, and I grew up on a dead rough council estate in Croydon, while she grew up in a big house in an affluent village near York and went to an independent school.

in my early 20s I worked in a legal office, but not client facing, so I wore clean jeans/white shirt every day. When it came to Christmas, for fun, I and the other women in my office decided to go to the Christmas party full on glam (this was the late 1980s).

Two of the partners flirted with me all evening, and didn’t recognise me, even though I had had conversations with both of them several times in the coffee room, or Reception.

When I told them (or someone else did, I can’t recall) who I was, their faces dropped. One of them said “Oh my God! I almost asked you to come down to the country with me this weekend.”

If I go into a department store with make up counter in fairly formal clothes and smart coat they fall over themselves ti try to get me to try their products, if I'm in jeans and a puffer jacket it isn't the case - I know how to get a free makeover

I have noticed this. I am a brunette and I had highlights for several years so had fairly blonde hair for a while. When I dyed my hair back to brunette people were much less friendly to me and I found work more difficult and more unfriendly

I have experienced the opposite with hair colour.
I was a light blonde until my late 30's when it turned to a darker, ashy blonde with natural caramelly highlights. Known in the trade as dishwater.
I then had it lightened for a few years and noticed no difference in how other people reacted to me.

I now sport my natural shade once more, and quite like it now. It feels curiously unique since it's considered such a 'dull' colour most other people who have it dye it

@AgneathaForest mushroomy dark blonde is on trend at the moment 😁

I am mid 50s and used to bleach my hair. I guess at first glance, it could have looked like naturally grey hair. After a way decided I would like a change and went back to light blonde. People were so much more helpful to me.

wow that’s terrible!

Kind of disagree with this! I feel more at ease in casual stuff but definitely get better treatment in local shops when wearing something more smart and formal and quietly shuffling through the checkout.

Yes, it was really surprising. What made me really notice it is that I was sorting out the house at the time, and before and after changing colour had been to the tip. Bleached hair - none of the employees came to help as I struggled with heavy stuff. Light blonde hair - they were falling over themselves to help. There were other things too, but that was the most blatant.

I agree, and find it quite bizarre that anyone would be treated differently simply because of their hairstyle.

I am 64, mostly retired (just do a bit of casual work) and usually wander around in tracksuit pants and a sweatshirt, never wear make-up at all (not at work either). No-one has ever treated me any different to when I was in work attire. People are always friendly and mostly helpful. I have a friend who is always beautifully dressed and she is treated just the same as I am.

However, I am not in the UK - maybe people here don't judge on appearance quite as much?

I forgot to add - this has been the same for my whole life, not just because I am older now.

I agree, and find it quite bizarre that anyone would be treated differently simply because of their hairstyle.

Most evaluations are done within seconds. Once an interaction goes on longer, people may change or be nicer, but it is the snap judgements that are affected most.

I think you are spot-on, saying all.these unconscious judgements. In terms of evolution all the little judgements would have saved your life, enabled you to eat and live long enough to breed. Anyone saying they never judge is seriously deluded, in my opinion. We evolved to judge.

I mean have you never heard of something like racism?

As a black woman this has been my reality since birth...

@MotherOfRatios I was just about to chime in with the same, glad it’s only hair colour or a pretty dress that makes people treat you better. At least both can be changed!

In all honesty I never dress down for this reason unless I’m walking the dog. I remember having a conversation with Dd 9 explaining that when you’re a minority, dressing like a scruff will lead to you being judged unfavourably, ie. we never wear hoods inside and first impressions count so you must present well.

I’ve walked in naice shops neatly dressed and still I’ve been followed around as though I were a shoplifter. It’s frustrating. Generally once people hear my posh accent i’m treated a little better, unconsciously we tend to talk fairly loudly amongst ourselves, I find it greatly reduces that unconscious perception and puts people at ease.

Oh yes, for sure. I look very different with makeup in work clothes vs. no makeup and casual, and people give me so much more respect in the former. Luckily no one I love falls into this category!

Right?!

the white privilege is showing

Regarding racism, added to my OP I made a point of stating that this was about the appearance we choose, not what we were born with. Wearing hair in a french twist or changing it's colour being examples. Raincoats versus tailored wool.
Hope that helps.

Did you not read the rest of my post? I have never felt evaluated in a less than positive way - ever. Do you really believe that someone is judged on a hairstyle? As a receptionist of many years standing I never once evaluated anyone on what they were wearing or their hairstyle.

I have short (as in a couple inches on top, almost completely shaved off back) either bleach blonde or bright pink hair, a lot of visible piercings (nose, lip ears), use a pink walking stick with dragonflies on it and mostly wear black dresses or skirts that are knee-length or lower. I also have cronic "resting bitch face" as usually concentrating on not falling over.
I'm both visible but invisible. I get let on trains first if there's a crowd to make sure I get a seat, but there's no chance of that on a bus. In shops I'm ignored most of the time.

I just find it funny these days, and if anyone recognises me from that description - hi, I promise I don't bite 😂

So, when I was in my mid-40s I stopped colouring my hair, and let it just be silver/white.

At a certain point I realized that there was a contingent of male people who read this as "blond". Partly because I have a relatively young looking face, or at least I did then, and I had fair colouring naturally too so it seemed plausible I could be blond (as I was when I was a little girl.)

But it did seem to affect that group's sense of my attractiveness that they perceived me as a natural blond, it was really kind of odd and funny.

I think it's true, in any case, when you see a person you will interact with, your brain is making a thousand calculations about what the best way to deal with this person is. And your immediate information is only going to be based on the most obvious, and most general, information, and then that will be used to generate probabilities.

The more you interact with a person, the more you can tailor your response.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it helps us deal with people in the way that is most appropriate, or look out for danger. Of course it can also expose negative prejudices. But the idea that anyone doesn't make evaluations of this kind is just deeply naive.

Yes, definitely. People do treat me differently when I’m well dressed (e.g. a suit) with blow dried hair and make-up.

Also, heels. I’m on the petite side but when I wear heels people, especially men, are less likely to expect me to move for them.

I think a little of this could be attributed to me being more confident when I’m well dressed, in heels etc, but only a small part.

And if I’m wearing any sort of ethnic clothes, I’m often treated like I can’t speak English.