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Original poster

Partner hinting for iPad

129 replies

Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 07:59

We have been together for 6 months and are a female couple. We do not live together but see each other often.

We are both students at the moment.

My girlfriend runs a very modest side business that just about pays her rent. She also has credit card debt she is paying off due to a failed former business.

Girlfriend thinks things are going to be very tight for her for the next few months.

She has recently been complaining often that her laptop that she needs for her course is very slow. She is also trying to replace her smashed iPhone screen herself, it’s a model about 6 years old, but she has said she will keep it until it fails completely.

We were talking yesterday on FaceTime and she suddenly asked which model my iPad was… she has been complimenting its performance the last while when we chat on it. I told her it had been a birthday gift which I was very happy to find really useful (I would never previously have bought an iPad for myself).

Girlfriend then announced she is thinking of getting one… and added, maybe for her son. Her son enjoys state of the art technology his father bought him, and it seems to me spends all his spare time gaming on a powerful desktop computer and multiple screens. I don’t know where he’d squeeze in a tablet, it seems redundant to me?

Anyway, he have been talking about spending Christmas together in her home, and it seems to be she was heavily hinting for an iPad or phone from me for Christmas? Does it seem that way?

I really love her and don’t want her to be disappointed with her Christmas gift. I had been thinking of getting her a simple bracelet to match a necklace I previously gave her.

I know I can ignore any hints, but I want to have a close trusting, loving relationship. I don’t want her to think I’m stingy, but I think tablets are a luxury we can’t afford at the moment, and we should spend within our means.

I may have considered it, but I may need to replace my cooker soon, which is packing up, and that takes priority, and would really stretch me.

Should I have a conversation with her and make things potentially awkward if I’ve got the wrong end of the stick… or just stay quiet and give her what I originally planned (she loved the previous necklace).

I think my mentioning I had received this as a gift gave her an idea to hint that she would like one… (iPad was given as a birthday gift by a former partner years ago who was able to afford it easily)

OP posts:
Aprilx · 24/09/2023 08:46

Nobody should be hinting about iPad Christmas presents, but I honestly don’t see where she did.

Helenloveslee4eva · 24/09/2023 08:49

Blimey the concept of gifts has changed.
move been married a veery long time.
gifys are relatively small but special things like you have planned.

big ticket items like iPad are bought from family money with agreement if both parties !

sleepismyhobby · 24/09/2023 08:50

Why don't you just say to her as money is tight at the moment I was thinking the budget should be £20 each ? That way she'll know that she won't be receiving an expensive gift

AgnesX · 24/09/2023 08:53

Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 08:21

It might be quite the litmus test.

…but I don’t like testing people when they don’t know it’s a test.

What I do feel sure about, is she has gone to great lengths for us in time and effort and is fully committed. She treats me very well, best relationship I’ve had .

What struck a note once, was her commenting that I am very generous and she wanted to make sure to not take advantage. She said that a couple of months back. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of that.

Girlfriend has had what would be considered in this country a very deprived childhood in another European country.

Edited
Show quote history

Hopefully it's only a vague wish on her side. Wishing you all the best.

WandaWonder · 24/09/2023 08:55

DustyLee123 · 24/09/2023 08:01

You’ve only been together 6 months, there’s no way you should be spending that much on her. You need to tell her that so there’s no sulking on the day.

There should not be sulking in an adult, no there absolutely no need to buy it

lilmadmel · 24/09/2023 08:55

Can’t you just agree a budget for presents?

eg “I know money is very tight gif both of us this year, should we stick to a budget if x? Or maybe even use the money to do something together like a night away instead?”

NuffSaidSam · 24/09/2023 08:58

I don't know whether she was hinting or not, but I can't see any evidence that she was.

I'm not sure someone mentioning that they might buy an iPad in September means they're hinting they want you to buy one for them for Christmas.

I'd see if she mentions it again.

I wouldn't buy her kids expensive presents either, I'd just get them some chocolate/a book or something.

Original poster
Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 08:58

lilmadmel · 24/09/2023 08:55

Can’t you just agree a budget for presents?

eg “I know money is very tight gif both of us this year, should we stick to a budget if x? Or maybe even use the money to do something together like a night away instead?”

I like the idea of experiences rather than gifts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 09:07

NuffSaidSam · 24/09/2023 08:58

I don't know whether she was hinting or not, but I can't see any evidence that she was.

I'm not sure someone mentioning that they might buy an iPad in September means they're hinting they want you to buy one for them for Christmas.

I'd see if she mentions it again.

I wouldn't buy her kids expensive presents either, I'd just get them some chocolate/a book or something.

She has mentioned the laptop slowness repeatedly and compared it to my iPad and how impressed she was with it.

There is a history of an expectation to treat her children - activities and meals out and such.

She told me not to go crazy treating her son when they came to stay with me, I didn’t realise I was supposed to at all! Since I was already hosting them and feeding them and supplying various wine and spirits and playing tour guide.

I’m not sure if she is naive, or there is some manipulation.

I’ve in the past kept my hand firmly bout of my pocket, causing a couple of awkward moments.

We afterwards discussed it, and she told me I had misunderstood.

This is why I then had doubts whether the iPad thing has been heavy hinting.

I would have thought she’d be wary of something like that coming up again.

We’re still in the honeymoon stage and I don’t want to suck the fun and romance out of this.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 24/09/2023 09:12

There is a history of an expectation to treat her children-activities and meals out and such.She told me not to go crazy treating her son when they came to stay with me, I didn’t realise I was supposed to at all! Since I was already hosting them and feeding them and supplying various wine and spirits and playing tour guide.

I don’t really understand what you mean here. She told you not to go crazy but you did? Or you didn’t? Who is suggesting you treat her children with activities and meals out? Why are you paying for that when you’ve only been together 6 months??

kweeble · 24/09/2023 09:22

She should be paying for extras for her son if she’s visiting you and you’re already paying to host them.
She’s treating you like a cash cow because you have working tech, you aren’t in debt, and don’t have a child. You’re right to be uneasy and to let her know you’re on a tight budget.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 24/09/2023 09:29

I don't think she was hinting, just sharing her thoughts. The bracelet sound perfect. Maybe have a Cristmas at your place before the 25th, just the two of you. Have some food and drinks and listen to Christmas music or watch a film, get pizza. Exchange gifts then.

category12 · 24/09/2023 09:30

Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 09:07

She has mentioned the laptop slowness repeatedly and compared it to my iPad and how impressed she was with it.

There is a history of an expectation to treat her children - activities and meals out and such.

She told me not to go crazy treating her son when they came to stay with me, I didn’t realise I was supposed to at all! Since I was already hosting them and feeding them and supplying various wine and spirits and playing tour guide.

I’m not sure if she is naive, or there is some manipulation.

I’ve in the past kept my hand firmly bout of my pocket, causing a couple of awkward moments.

We afterwards discussed it, and she told me I had misunderstood.

This is why I then had doubts whether the iPad thing has been heavy hinting.

I would have thought she’d be wary of something like that coming up again.

We’re still in the honeymoon stage and I don’t want to suck the fun and romance out of this.

Show quote history

If you think this, you should break it off with her.

GalileoHumpkins · 24/09/2023 09:33

Your relationship really isn't coming across well, you sound like you don't trust her and that you're looking to find fault in her behaviour.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/09/2023 09:33

I would offer to bring or pay for some food/drinks for Xmas and buy the family a joint present, eg a good game to all play. I wouldn’t be paying for them to have individual presents or Xmas experiences?! Yours a skint student, I presume? Not a cash cow.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 24/09/2023 09:34

Oh OP your last post make me think she is a taker.

BarbaraofSeville · 24/09/2023 09:37

Is she able to park her side business and get a part time employed job in the run up to Christmas? There should be plenty of hospitality or babysitting work available.

Then she'll be able to buy her own ipad and perhaps pay off her debt, invest in her new business alongside her studies etc?

RebelHarry · 24/09/2023 09:45

I can't see where she has hinted. To be honest given you both have little spare cash setting a budget for gifts might work for you both.

Stephy1886 · 24/09/2023 09:49

look for older refurbed models

I have an older iPad I hardly use & I priced it up on one of thoes cash for tech sites

£10 I kid you not

MrsCarson · 24/09/2023 09:49

Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 08:43

Good question. I love spending time with her… however, she lives a very Spartan home life indeed and I prefer spending time together in my home.

Girlfriend will be hosting her children, between gifts for the children and a food and drink budget, and a couple of planned activities… it will set me back enough that I will be feeling the pinch for the next couple of months.

Yet, I love that time of year and would love to share it with my girlfriend and don’t want to spend Christmas on my own (no other real alternatives regarding friends and family, for various reasons).

Although of course I would still give her my Xmas pressie,.

I’m thinking it might be more sensible to stay home this year and have a buffer remaining in the purse and not nail myself to the wall without leaving myself enough wiggle room.

Show quote history

So is she expecting you to buy presents and food for her kids too?
You are 6 months in, you only need to give token presents to someone else kids, a selection box each at most.
I think you need to re think spend Christmas with her she sounds like a bit of a money grabber even if she is really fun to spend time with. You are moving way too fast on all this. 6 months in you really should only just be starting to meet the kids if at all.

Original poster
Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 09:50

BarbaraofSeville · 24/09/2023 09:37

Is she able to park her side business and get a part time employed job in the run up to Christmas? There should be plenty of hospitality or babysitting work available.

Then she'll be able to buy her own ipad and perhaps pay off her debt, invest in her new business alongside her studies etc?

She has just secured a part time job so she can clear the debt more quickly.

OP posts:
coconutpie · 24/09/2023 09:53

You've been dating 6 months and there's already expectations of treating her son when they come to stay with you? You've been together 6 months. You shouldn't be treating her son at all.

Original poster
Unionizedy · 24/09/2023 09:54

Stephy1886 · 24/09/2023 09:49

look for older refurbed models

I have an older iPad I hardly use & I priced it up on one of thoes cash for tech sites

£10 I kid you not

That’s crazy! Is it very old?

I think you don’t get much for selling in those pre owned shops, but they still charge a significant amount when selling it on. Apple products seem to hold their value better and seem to sell well.

Easier to do your own private sale, but then you don’t get the one year guarantee and easy replacements if there is a problem.

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 24/09/2023 09:54

It does sound like she expects you to treat her and her children. Don’t!

If she mentions the iPad again, I would just laugh and say that you’ve got enough things to buy yourself first before you splash out on such an expensive gift for anyone else.

The easiest way to not base the relationship on you paying for things, is to keep everything separate. Just be blunt - when she says don’t go mad treating her son, say don’t worry, I wasn’t going to! If you have a little chuckle like she’s crazy for even suggesting it, she may take the hint.

MzHz · 24/09/2023 09:58

@Unionizedy i do understand that the pace of same sex relationships is MUCH faster than hetero relationships, and potentially lesbian relationships may be quicker still. HOWEVER… you barely know this woman, she’s not the most responsible with money, and she’s dropping hints about VERY expensive gifts for the first Christmas you’re together.

no, no, no HELL NO.

take a step back.

im hetero, but did spend a good few years dating and had hopes raised and dashed many times.

for me what worked best was to not even consider this relationship as anything more than very light and casual for at least a year. You say you really love her, but you seriously don’t know who she is. Protect yourself, your heart and your bank account until you see there’s more to this and that this women isn’t just in it for what she can get out of you.

be clear with her that you’re not going to buy her an iPad.