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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think WFH means you're at work

85 replies

windywood · 23/09/2023 14:21

I work from home 2 days per week and am in the office the other 3 days. DP doesn't work, their choice. They have income from other sources.

The nature of my work requires me to be at my desk continually when working from home, unless I have arranged cover (ie during my breaks). Think along the lines of receiving emergency services calls. It's the sort of job where I have to be working during my shift; I can't stop working for a while during the day and it doesn't matter because my manager will be happy as long as the work "gets done" later that evening for example. By the evening that work will be gone. It's a demand-led job that's very much in the moment.

I get 2x 15 min breaks, 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon, and a 30 min lunch break. Often by the time I have been to the toilet, made my lunch, replied to any personal emails or messages, taken the dog out if necessary, my breaktime is over and I need to go back to work.

Yesterday DP was out all day and came home just as I was finishing my afternoon break and heading back to my desk. They asked if I had sorted the laundry, I said no I haven't had a chance. This led to a huge argument about how I had been at home all day why haven't I done the laundry. I said I'd been at work but could sort it once I finished at 5pm.

DP's response was that they had also "been at work" (because we have a significant life change coming up soon so they had been out doing some of the admin we need to prepare for it). The argument finished with DP saying, "I would like you to sort out the laundry when you're at home". They said that I expect them to do everything. I said I don't, I just can't always do laundry during my working day but am of course happy to do it after I finish work for the day.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Thisisveryhard · 23/09/2023 14:24

He is clearly.

Childcarequestionn · 23/09/2023 14:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the OP's request.

Motnight · 23/09/2023 14:27

And how do you feel about receiving orders from your DP, Op?

LongLiveGoblingKing · 23/09/2023 14:27

The DP is being unreasonable, clearly. Especially if you've been dealing with a dog during your breaks as well.

piscofrisco · 23/09/2023 14:28

Tell them to fuck off giving orders like that. Jesus Christ.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/09/2023 14:29

Why couldn't they, or you, have done the laundry earlier?

They are definitely BU in seemingly refusing to grasp what your WFH job entails.

Some WFH jobs give people leeway to do things as and when - I have to be at my desk (I am on shift right now) most of the time and I have to check the work portal regularly, and respond to messages in under an hour, ideally less (particularly as if we get a call or a busy patch, I might have to deal with four or five messages at once)...

But, i can go for a wee, have my lunch, I could bung on a load of laundry if it was there ready to go in (not rummage about the house finding it all and bringing it down though). I am expected to have my lunch properly, not eat a sandwich whilst answering messages... equally I am expected to answer messages quickly and in detail not skim or fob off or copy and paste chunks...

But others are not like that, you have to be at your desk or pc or whatever all the time, there are timed breaks, activity loggers that alert if your mouse is inactive for more than X minutes etc... those WFH jobs would not allow for doing laundry!

I would expect a partner to have a basic understanding of what your job actually entails on a practical level!

Blough · 23/09/2023 14:31

Your boy/girlfriend is a thicko. Not sure why you’re in doubt over whether s/he’s right.

RamsesTheChub · 23/09/2023 14:31

I find during WFH people (family, even neighbours) seem to think it's okay to interrupt and make demands on time. It's a lack of respect, YANBU

pizzaHeart · 23/09/2023 14:35

Your DP is unreasonable, you were at work.
I’m impressed that you’ve managed to deal with your dog considering the length of your breaks …

cruffinsmuffin · 23/09/2023 14:35

Surely your non working DP could have sorted that? Or you could sort it in the evening?

WFH isn't always the relaxed free wheeling thing lots of people think it is, your DP could use reminding of that perhaps?

Surely as they'd just come home they had a chance to sort the laundry? I'd be annoyed at that sort of comment from my DH!

CantFindTheBeat · 23/09/2023 14:36

On the face of it, that's awful, OP.

Do you pull your weight in housework type things generally

5128gap · 23/09/2023 14:37

She (presumably she, given the coy use of 'they') is. Firstly for not recognising that you don't have flexibility in your role. Secondly for acting like day to day 'life admin' is on a par with a paid job. Thirdly for thinking its appropriate to assume the role of boss of the household who can dictate not only what you do but when you do it. 'I would like you to...' indeed!
Divide the chores up in a reasonable and fair manner. If necessary each do your own laundry.

Olika · 23/09/2023 14:38

Your DP. You are working, irrelevant that's it's from home. Doesn't mean you can start doing home errands if the nature of your work doesn't allow it. This would have really pissed me off.

comfyoldcardi · 23/09/2023 14:43

You are not compatible. Being in a relationship that is a proper partnership requires understanding of work commitments and realistic expectations. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't respect the requirements of my job, given that presumably you both need to bring in a certain amount of money to live on.

Toseland · 23/09/2023 14:46

I work from home - I put the laundry on before I start, hang it out at lunch and bring it in late afternoon tea break 😊

HunterHearstHelmsley · 23/09/2023 14:46

What a twit.

I've had this too..

Them: You could have put the washing out this morning
Me: Well, you could have too
Them: I've been at work!!!!
Me: ......

It does eventually seem to sink in that just because you're at home it doesn't mean you're free to do household tasks. Obviously, some people are a bit dimmer than others so may take longer.

ilovesooty · 23/09/2023 14:50

Of course they're unreasonable.

Wanttobekind · 23/09/2023 14:52

Maybe time to start working from the office full time 😂

ManuelBensonsLeftBoot · 23/09/2023 14:53

If the imminent 'life change' is getting married think long and hard about tying yourself to someone who thinks this way.

Megifer · 23/09/2023 14:55

Tell her to fuck off, or ask why she can't do it in between earning from other sources 🙄

Zanatdy · 23/09/2023 14:56

He is clearly, and no-one in a relationship should be demanding anything

MintJulia · 23/09/2023 14:57

Your DP is a prat who doesn't value your work, and doesn't listen.

Tell in short words, large letters, that you will do house related stuff before nine or after 5, and that's not open to negotiation unless he is going to pay you an equal salary plus pension to be a house keeper - and even then I'd think twice.

Shadypaws23 · 23/09/2023 15:00

They're being unreasonable. My job is the same, and I can't have the washing machine in anyway as it would be audible!

LifeIsGreatForUnicorns · 23/09/2023 15:02

I now go into work on days my DP is at home as otherwise it’s constant interruptions .. can I make them a cuppa, or if I’m making my lunch can I do theirs too? 😳

Wallywobbles · 23/09/2023 15:05

I work from home. I need to be available from 8-8. To be honest I tend to get up 90 mins before work to sort out house stuff like washing and a bit of exercise because I just can't be sure I'll have time in the day.

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