To think WFH means you're at work

[windywood]

I work from home 2 days per week and am in the office the other 3 days. DP doesn't work, their choice. They have income from other sources.

The nature of my work requires me to be at my desk continually when working from home, unless I have arranged cover (ie during my breaks). Think along the lines of receiving emergency services calls. It's the sort of job where I have to be working during my shift; I can't stop working for a while during the day and it doesn't matter because my manager will be happy as long as the work "gets done" later that evening for example. By the evening that work will be gone. It's a demand-led job that's very much in the moment.

I get 2x 15 min breaks, 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon, and a 30 min lunch break. Often by the time I have been to the toilet, made my lunch, replied to any personal emails or messages, taken the dog out if necessary, my breaktime is over and I need to go back to work.

Yesterday DP was out all day and came home just as I was finishing my afternoon break and heading back to my desk. They asked if I had sorted the laundry, I said no I haven't had a chance. This led to a huge argument about how I had been at home all day why haven't I done the laundry. I said I'd been at work but could sort it once I finished at 5pm.

DP's response was that they had also "been at work" (because we have a significant life change coming up soon so they had been out doing some of the admin we need to prepare for it). The argument finished with DP saying, "I would like you to sort out the laundry when you're at home". They said that I expect them to do everything. I said I don't, I just can't always do laundry during my working day but am of course happy to do it after I finish work for the day.

Who is being unreasonable?

Whatever the location- office or home - you’re at work, and unavailable to do other things.
It’s because people won’t understand this that WFH has a reputation for meaning “slacking off and fannying around doing household chores instead of working”. Thanks to people like your “D”P, people who are perfectly efficient homeworkers are forced into commuting into an office to do exactly the same work they do at home.

Do you even need to ask?

@windywood

Your "D"P is bullying you. He's somehow decided he's superior to you and is trying to micromanage you without taking into account why you can't do things by his timetable.

I'm willing to bet that he does understand the pressures and of your work (you've explained it clearly here) but just doesn't care.

I bet this isn't the only incidence where he's tried to manipulate you though.. 🌹

My husband and I both WFH. He has a demand led job and is tied to his desk in the same way you are. Mine is far more flexible, apart from the odd meeting I can flex my day as I need to and honestly as the business needs me to

This means I'm the default tea maker/feeder of washing machine/snack fetcher/door answerer. I can roll these things into my day easily. I don't take scheduled breaks and always cover my minimum hours/assigned work (normally more than, but that's a different story).

He can lose his job if he does any of that so I don't take umbrage with the fact that I can. Your partner is being a complete arse!

Spell it out for them - you will literally lose your job if you step away from the desk unauthorised. You need your breaks to go to the toilet/grab a drink, the time is too short for anything else. If they are still being obtuse, they are either thick as mince, or have zero respect for you - in either case they don't sound like someone you want to keep living with!

That ^

I can take my breaks and lunch and that's it except for maybe 5-10 mins personal time to grab a drink/toilet
I can't just leave my desk and everything is monitored from speech to screen

How long are your breaks and do you walk the dog too?

WFH - the clue is in the name, you're working. Not nipping to the shop, not doing laundry, or running the hoover over, not mowing the lawn, working. If you can do something on your break that's great, but work hours are for the company that pays your salary, not for your partner's laundry problems.

Obviously him, and you know it.

This post makes you sound like a right pushover. They are clearly in the wrong, there is no issue with the laundry being done in the evening or before work if you can't fit it into your breaks. Even worse that they don't work so could have done it themselves. Sounds very controlling and please don't act all meek and apologetic.

They are. I can flex, I’m thinking about going swimming in daytime and working into the evening but that’s my job, not yours. If you need to do that he should respect it.