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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Propositioned by my boss

50 replies

Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 07:42

I know I'm not BU but posting for traffic. I'm in a situation where the company I work for is in financial difficulty and is making redundancies/cuts.

My manager today effectively implied that my job could be saved if I slept with him. My job is well paying and otherwise enjoyable and I really can't afford to lose it. Really don't know what to do

OP posts:
NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 23/09/2023 07:43

Is there an HR department? You need to report this.

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 07:44

Sorry I should have added this. It's a small business so no formal HR function

OP posts:
Allinadayswork80 · 23/09/2023 07:44

Bloody outrageous! Report him!

youveturnedupwelldone · 23/09/2023 07:47

Is there a boss's boss, or is your boss the top of the chain?

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 07:48

There's another director on his level but they are long standing friends

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Megifer · 23/09/2023 07:58

I wouldn't normally advocate covert recording but in this case I'd have another discussion, record it on your phone in your bag or pocket, bring the subject up and see if he does it again.

Then decide if you wait and see if you do lose your job - then take at an employment tribunal - or if you go to the other director, or you resign claiming constructive dismissal.

In your position I get its not as easy as reporting, especially as these types of men tend to get away with it if theres no evidence and they have a pal on The Board.

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:01

Thank you. How explicit would it need to be for a tribunal? It was all heavily implied but not directly asked

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 23/09/2023 08:06

He could be talking bullshit. If you sleep with him you may still lose your job afterwards .
Keep your dignity intact.

Scottishskifun · 23/09/2023 08:08

Do you have anything by email? If not voice record on your phone in a pocket?

Friend had similar then they tried to day she was a trouble maker.....she voice recorded the conersations and was awarded quite a sum at tribunal.

BCBird · 23/09/2023 08:09

Vile creep
I hope you get some resolution.

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:10

MrsMoastyToasty · 23/09/2023 08:06

He could be talking bullshit. If you sleep with him you may still lose your job afterwards .
Keep your dignity intact.

I'm not sure I could arguably be replaced cheaper but I have a lot of specialist knowledge. The company is struggling a bit but not in dire straits

OP posts:
Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:11

Scottishskifun · 23/09/2023 08:08

Do you have anything by email? If not voice record on your phone in a pocket?

Friend had similar then they tried to day she was a trouble maker.....she voice recorded the conersations and was awarded quite a sum at tribunal.

I think I'm going to have to try something like this but will be hard to keep cool

OP posts:
Megifer · 23/09/2023 08:13

Explicit enough that it was reasonable to infer what the implication was and for you to perceive there was sexual harassment.

So e.g. "you can keep your job if we can come to an arrangement, are you free for drinks tomorrow and maybe go back to my place" = anyone with half a brain cell can see what this means

"Maybe we can have a chat about your future, let's go for a coffee tomorrow" = fairly innocent on its own although some women with may perceive this to be flirting, they aren't wrong in feeling that way but on its own probably not enough to establish sexual harassment.

Can you share what he said?

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 23/09/2023 08:13

I would look for another job. Total abuse of power by him and no way of effectively reporting him.

sonicmum2002 · 23/09/2023 08:14

Maybe check with a solicitor as I am not sure if covert recording is legal.

It sounds like it's over anyway- working there becomes untenable once this has happened.

What a horrible thing up happen.

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:15

Megifer · 23/09/2023 08:13

Explicit enough that it was reasonable to infer what the implication was and for you to perceive there was sexual harassment.

So e.g. "you can keep your job if we can come to an arrangement, are you free for drinks tomorrow and maybe go back to my place" = anyone with half a brain cell can see what this means

"Maybe we can have a chat about your future, let's go for a coffee tomorrow" = fairly innocent on its own although some women with may perceive this to be flirting, they aren't wrong in feeling that way but on its own probably not enough to establish sexual harassment.

Can you share what he said?

Along the lines of we can salvage tye business and your role is safe but "I'll need to know you're willing to do whatever I need you to do to achieve that", slightly paraphrased

OP posts:
Megifer · 23/09/2023 08:16

sonicmum2002 · 23/09/2023 08:14

Maybe check with a solicitor as I am not sure if covert recording is legal.

It sounds like it's over anyway- working there becomes untenable once this has happened.

What a horrible thing up happen.

Covert recording is accepted as evidence, especially if it was the only means of the employee being able to prove something like this.

Tribunals can frown on it but there is a case law that has established this is allowed.

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:17

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 23/09/2023 08:13

I would look for another job. Total abuse of power by him and no way of effectively reporting him.

I am doing for sure. Unfortunately with remortgage and cost of living I can't compromise on salary at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:17

Megifer · 23/09/2023 08:16

Covert recording is accepted as evidence, especially if it was the only means of the employee being able to prove something like this.

Tribunals can frown on it but there is a case law that has established this is allowed.

Show quote history

Thank you so much

OP posts:
Wildhorses2244 · 23/09/2023 08:19

You can covert record for your own personal record.

This can be got round at tribunal by submitting a transcript of the conversation.

If the company deny it you can respond that you feel confident that it is correct as you have compiled the transcription from a recording which you made to aid your own memory. And offer to share it if the other side think that would be helpful to aid recollections.

Fallingthroughclouds · 23/09/2023 08:20

Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:15

Along the lines of we can salvage tye business and your role is safe but "I'll need to know you're willing to do whatever I need you to do to achieve that", slightly paraphrased

Show quote history

I wouldn't immediately jump to he's trying to sleep with you from that, not sure a tribunal would either, could be purely work effort related. He could easily defend it either way.

Wildhorses2244 · 23/09/2023 08:21

If he says it again and you’re recording id be tempted to reply with “what sort of things “ and see if you can get him to dig himself a big enough hole that you’ll get a nice payout…

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:24

Fallingthroughclouds · 23/09/2023 08:20

I wouldn't immediately jump to he's trying to sleep with you from that, not sure a tribunal would either, could be purely work effort related. He could easily defend it either way.

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It's hard to convey but it was in the tone if that makes sense

OP posts:
Fallingthroughclouds · 23/09/2023 08:28

Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:24

It's hard to convey but it was in the tone if that makes sense

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Yes, but it would be very hard to prove. Are you saying you don't know what to as in you are considering sleeping with him?

Original poster
Inajam90 · 23/09/2023 08:30

Fallingthroughclouds · 23/09/2023 08:28

Yes, but it would be very hard to prove. Are you saying you don't know what to as in you are considering sleeping with him?

Show quote history

Shamefully, yes

OP posts: