Propositioned by my boss

[Inajam90]

I know I'm not BU but posting for traffic. I'm in a situation where the company I work for is in financial difficulty and is making redundancies/cuts.

My manager today effectively implied that my job could be saved if I slept with him. My job is well paying and otherwise enjoyable and I really can't afford to lose it. Really don't know what to do

Hmm thats a tricky one. Has he ever behaved dodgy in other ways that make this "add up"?

Well if he is propositioning you and you do sleep with him, then he's going to want it on tap. Are you really OK with sleeping with him whenever he wants? I think the dynamic at work would be intolerable. Do you even fancy him? Is he married?

No that's the worry!
He's not unattractive, not married but he's in a long term relationship.

Unfortunately this is what happens. Nobody will believe you unless you have evidence and he knows that.
I won't work for a man again. Look for another job either work for yourself or for a woman but never work under a man.

You are with so much more than this. You will feel so worthless if you prostitute yourself.

Write extensive notes of your conversation today, as close to verbatim as you can get.
Do not touch him with a stick.
Start job hunting like mad.
I would consider going off sick on Monday too.
This is a dire situation.

Shamefully, yes

Oh for god's sake. You do know that he's just being manipulative and your job will be absolutely no safer afterwards.

Try the recording thing.

I would have thought something along the lines of asking "I really don't want to lose my job. You said there might be something I could do. What sort of thing?"

Just start looking for a new job. If theres no formal HR and the other person to report to is his long standing friend, as much as its wrong, nothings going to happen in terms of justice.

I would say if he sparks up the conversation again then play dumb and record. With the of course I will do everything at work to help the business survive etc etc. You need to get him to spell it out if you have any hope of tribunal so say I don't know what you mean. Be careful of language on your side so nothing which can be construed as you flirting with him such as "what did you have in mind" or "I'm open to suggestions" whilst completely not acceptable for you to be in this situation a lawyer will argue that it was your suggestion with this sort of language.

And yes job hunt from now do not sleep with him at all.

Don't do it.
You'll never forgive yourself.
Think of his partner too.
Very sordid - you'd be heading into very murky territory.
In the end - how ever hard it is - doing the right thing, everything works out in the end.

Well snagging him would be a total disaster. I'd just totally ignore him, and l
Have it in mind that the company is struggling, you might all lose your jobs so I'd start looking for a new one

If he is saying what you think he is, there won't be any guarantees about your job. And it won't be a one off either, so how would that make you feel? The fact he is apparently sleazy and keen to cheat on his partner would put me off him full stop. I'd stop respecting him and would prefer to get a new job.

Got to say I’ve had some fantastic male bosses, and one utter jerk, and some appalling female bosses so not sure your logic is sound there.

.

I would suggest that next time you record him.

Ask him to clarify what he meant when he said 'what sort of things exactly?' 'why did you mean?" and get that on tape.

Because it could be that you have misunderstood his meaning.

Then take him to a tribunal. If the company is in trouble you need to start looking for a new job because even if you were to avoid redundancies this time, there could be more job losses in a few months.

He will find a way to get rid of you even if you slept with him by the way...

This 100%

Search for a new job. Once it's bagged tell the other director and anyone else what a sleazy arsehole he is.

But:
Ive been to tribunal and won when I was fired for being pregnant it's very stressful. If you can do it then do it! But you will need to pay for legal help.

Or:
You record him, go to the other Director and negotiate a pay out /nda for not taking it further. I have also done this when bullied at work and they did nothing.

Ask him to clarify what he means, act dumb but record it. Has he shown signs before of being a creep?

Update

Spoke on phone today and tried to get him to clarify but he just referred to a conversation we had previously had in the office about oral sex, so turns out that's what he really wants

Why are sexual conversations going on in the office, OP?

That's not healthy.

How long have your worked for the business?

18 months.

Hmm I guess we're all fairly liberal

Starting to read like you want this yourself (not unattractive, shamefully yes, we're all liberal), albeit perhaps feel bad about his partner.

The guy's sleazy af and if your job is genuinely in doubt you're probably going to lose it whatever you decide.

It's not liberal, OP, it's boundary-crossing.

Discussing oral sex or sex in general with bosses and colleagues blurs the boundaries so much.

What do you want from a job/career?

That was his response when you asked him what you needed to do to keep your job safe? If you are sane you would shut that conversation down quickly and point out that any future reference to sexual favours will be treated as harassment in the workplace.

If you find it weirdly flattering then go ahead. I look forward to the "oh shit I'm in a tricky situation after having an affair with my boss" thread.