If your children are at school and you don’t work

[Pervymenalloverthenews]

What do you do in the day?

NOT a judgmental post

I worked all my life and had my dc later (infertility) We cut right back money wise and I was able to stay with her until she went to school. She’s now at school and I’m working a few evenings and a Saturday morning, which works out well. I’ve had a couple of weeks at home during the day now that my Dd is at school, I’ve enjoyed reading books, walking the dog, watching films etc. I do any housework that needs doing, but it’s done pretty quickly, plus the food shop, dinners, school run. Just wondering what others do and what to do to fill my time (all friends work in the day now)

I did a degree with the OU. Now I volunteer.

Run around non-stop between 9 and 2:30!

Obvious housework, laundry, food shop, admin, meal preps, holiday plans, birthdays etc,

At least 1 hour of exercise
Volunteer at school

At 2:45 it's time for pick-up, and clubs etc, so anything that hasn't been done will have to wait until the following day.

How do some people get so much stuff done?! My DC is finished school at 1pm (not in the UK). It feels like I just turn around and it's time to walk back to the school again.

I barely keep on top of the cleaning, sorting, laundry, shopping, cooking, life admin, exercise. I also try to prioritise taking an hour of peace to do whatever I like... Because I like peace and there is none to be had as soon as DC comes home.

My youngest just started school. I'm studying for degree number 3 and I volunteer with various charities plus do relief hours for the LA in a job linked to my previous role.

I need to keep busy or I circle and get depressed. I usually organise at least or two coffees/walks per week with friends and I'm learning my Grandfather's mother tongue.

I only work 2 days a week and youngest has recently started school. I find I’m busy all the time, lots of housework and laundry , shopping, extra work related bits, meeting up with friends, lunch with DH if he’s off (babysitter too expensive for evening dates) I certainly never get bored and still long to do list.

Obvious housework, laundry, food shop, admin, meal preps, holiday plans, birthdays etc,

What would holiday plans, birthdays involve that you would do stuff regularly for?

I was in a similar position at one point. I did a degree and started a business. Then I got bored with that, so did some training related to my degree and got a full time job, and dh does the school runs now as he works from home.

Being my son's administrator mostly (multiple specialists and therapists and calling up a specialist nurse for meds than the chemist for when the meds come in, then collecting said meds and so so many emails) then we have a heap of appointments during the week plus liaisoning with his school or early pick ups because of his anxiety or sickness.
Then, when he is sick, he is off for 2-3 weeks even if it's a common cold/cough or stomach virus, which usually leaves us up at the hospital.
Plus everything else groceries bills and house care.
It gets exhausting after a while. I would hate to work and try to fit all that in. I think something would be forgotten/left out, and for us, nothing can.
Plus, maybe selfish, but I have to think of myself to my mental health my health and all that going on doesn't leave me a lot but if I get 5 minutes during the day to just sit in the quietness and gather my thoughts that's a win for the day.

PTA, swimming. Then all the same stuff WOHM do except in school hours instead of evenings and weekends.
That then freed evenings and weekends to do things for/with them.

I volunteered and retrained for a new career which I now do. That was 5 years ago and since then I've returned to full time work and earn double my pre SAHM salary.

I've just realised that sounds like I'm promoting one of those pyramid schemes. 😆its not that , I retrained in an actual job which I now do..

I did this when mine were small. I was never bored I loved it! I would always go somewhere after dropping them such as errands or shopping then back home for lunch and any housework. That only left a few hours to myself where I would watch tv or have a lovely bath which saved me having to do it in the evenings. Kids had a relaxed mum picking them up lol and all chores done so they got all my time in the evening for homework/ clubs or park in summer or just being together. I wasn’t running around trying to do housework etc. was the best thing for all of us.

@liightfantastic - I’m sorry it would be outing - very niche and relies on a random assortment of skills I already had!

I’ve seen people get really helpful advice on mumsnet before about finding roles that could work for their family - might be worth starting a new thread?

Well said

i last worked about 24 years ago, I’ve only ever had 2 jobs both lasted about 3 months (a weeks gap in between them). I was getting constant hemiplegic migraines after the first day (I now know it was a stress trigger but at the time I couldn’t work it out) after leaving the second job I was unwell with them for over a year.
Tried to work again and the same thing happened. Tried some preventive medication but the side effects caused me sensory issues although I persevered as the migraines were worse but I still had breakthrough ones.

I also have quite severe selective mutism (I hate that it’s called that - the selective bit seems like it’s a choice I wish they’d rename it) so I struggle massively with communication.

Due to my adhd I find it so hard to organise anything , I was getting stressed which triggers off migraines (with each one I have 3-4 hours where I can’t see properly). I can’t complete tasks properly I try but I get overwhelmed flustered and keep changing how I do things.
My autism affects me more than my adhd , I have a very set routine and I just can’t deviate, I experienced autistic burnout 2 years ago and haven’t managed to fully recover yet. I also have something called ARFID related to food and it really affects me as eating is an issue so I need to keep on too of that so that it’s managed and not impacting on my dc at all (i have a lot of Appts to go to about this)
All my energy that I do have just goes in to the dc, Ive had to accept that to be a functioning parent I need to keep myself as calm as I can to focus on being a good parent I just can’t manage to do both parenting and working I wish I could.

I think sadly I didn’t have the right support at school and as a young adult , if I’d had perhaps more support , therapy for coping strategies etc then I do think it may have been different , developing selective mutism was the point where it all went really wrong, the migraines were worse in so many ways but the selective mutism made me feel like I was locked away somehow ? Not being able to communicate is the absolute worst feeling.

This would be heaven. I’ve done SAHP before but always with a child or toddler in tow. Then full time work with studying.

I’d do all my shopping, cleaning and sorting to get the house up to the standard I want. It would take months as so much crap here.

I would get myself fit and healthy and actually have time to meal plan and try new recipes.

I would read all the books I’ve been gifted which are gathering dust.

That’s the first few months sorted.

I work full time but very long shifts, so always have 2 or 3 week days home alone when the DC are at school. To be fair I am exhausted after my shifts, so I really love those days to do my own thing. I exercise a lot and cook for freezer food. Go out for walks etc. Sometimes I do absolutely nothing!

agree too! Well said Hummingbird233 and Tryingandfailingagain
Everyone needs to “future proof” themselves against the unexpected, if they can and in whatever way they can.

As a SAHP I had very little me time along with the other SAHPs because we quickly found ourselves supporting the schools our children attended at the various stages. Some people have no idea how much volunteering actually goes on out there and not just in schools. Yes volunteering can be like working full time if you aren’t careful at saying no and managing your time. I managed everything housework, finances, elderly relatives etc, so that when we had time during the evenings and weekends we could all relax and enjoy ourselves together, apart and with others.
So make the most of your free time while you can. Have you seen what needs there are in your community it is very rewarding to be part of it and helps you feel part of where you live, DH is happy that he became included in our community through my work in it and I am happy that his work meant I was included in his work community too. Make the most of your time while you can.

Defitniely try and get in some exercise. Muscle tone starts to drop off from mid thirties and so many of us neglect our own health through lack of time or resource. Your future self will thank you for some strength work or Pilates

Whatever people might say, there is an air of judgement in the question 'what do you do all day?' when it is addressed to a SAHM. It would be different if people said 'what are your hobbies and interests?'.
I am recently retired and my life is now very similar to when I was a SAHM .. I do lots of volunteering am active in the community, read books, meet friends, some not much exercise. I don't spend on hours on housework or cooking - never have and DH does all the 'home admin' and gardening.
No one dreams of questioning retired people 'what do you all day?' ...

As a lone parent I never had the choice but if I did I would volunteer at a women's sector charity like a refuge.

what is regular is that you are always doing at least one! You don't do LESS when you don't have a job but it still has to be done.😂

No one is saying it takes days to do things, but the question was: how do you occupy your hours between 9.30 and 2.30, my answer is far too easily! One hour here, 2 hours there...

Housework/ laundry/ food are obviously daily.
Put redecorating, decluttering, swapping winter and summer stuff on the list

Beginning of school year, you plan Christmas and halloween.
sometimes Feb holidays
November you plan and book one kids birthday party
January you plan Easter and Summer holidays

Take the car for MOT, go to dentist, help at school.. that's 3 sometimes 4 school days already gone.
Then one kid is sick, then the other, there's an inset day and so on...

The whole point of not "working" is to have no chore or anything non-family related to do from 2:30 and at the weekends, or worst during half term. Everything needs to get done at some point.

I have never had the time to watch daytime tv, I don't even have time to watch tv most evenings. If I had a job, DH would do half of the stuff that needs doing but I am not taking the piss.

The point is to be available to spend time with my kids! The focus is not on chores and boring house stuff, the focus is on freeing all the time the kids are off so we can have a life, and weekends are entirely free.

I have a hobby that takes up a lot of time. Horse riding to be specific. Care of my horses plus the actual riding takes a lot of time.

@Pfannkuchen I guess I don't understand how it takes up much time to plan a birthday. That's the bit I queried

Beginning of school year, you plan Christmas and halloween.

I'm intrigued by this as in what do you plan for Christmas & Halloween? Maybe I do it wrong & Im missing something 🤷🏻‍♀️

The whole point of not "working" is to have no chore or anything non-family related to do from 2:30 and at the weekends, or worst during half term. Everything needs to get done at some point.

I booked christmas panto tickets yesterday after I got the dc from school as I was chatting to a friend about going as a group. Would you have waited till Monday?

I must be a terrible mother! My dc often go to camps during half term even though I don't work then!

I mean I'm dicking about on MNs eating breakfast in bed as opposed to being with the dc at their various sports!!