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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your children are at school and you don’t work

155 replies

Pervymenalloverthenews · 22/09/2023 19:39

What do you do in the day?

NOT a judgmental post

I worked all my life and had my dc later (infertility) We cut right back money wise and I was able to stay with her until she went to school. She’s now at school and I’m working a few evenings and a Saturday morning, which works out well. I’ve had a couple of weeks at home during the day now that my Dd is at school, I’ve enjoyed reading books, walking the dog, watching films etc. I do any housework that needs doing, but it’s done pretty quickly, plus the food shop, dinners, school run. Just wondering what others do and what to do to fill my time (all friends work in the day now)

OP posts:
YoongiMarryMe · 22/09/2023 22:24

I nap a lot

liightfantastic · 22/09/2023 22:26

@AbacusAvocado I'm encouraged to read that you're able to study p/t and it might lead to a new career if/when your kids need you less ...

Both my children are autistic and one of them can currently only attend school for a couple of hours per day.

I am not sure how many years I have left ahead of me needing to be home-based around my children's needs, but I would like to find something I could study or train in on a p/t flexible basis and know it could lead to a career in future ...

Do you mind if I ask what you're studying, or what the potential job might be? Looking for ideas, don't worry about saying if it would be outing.

GoodlifeGlow · 22/09/2023 22:27

I clean one day a week. We have a lot of animals so look after those. I have a big garden with fruit, vegetables and flowers which keeps me busy year round. I do a lot of cooking and bake all our own bread and cakes/biscuits. I’ve been processing lots of garden produce at this time of year. I do Yoga and go swimming. Do the laundry, walk the dog, sort out all the life admin. Go to the supermarket, meet up with a couple of friends who also don’t work. Once a month I get a massage therapist to come to the house then I have a nap after! Husband wfh so have the odd lunchtime shag. My plan for this winter is to massively declutter the house and we need to redo our bathroom so I need to decide on that and get quotes etc. I’m never bored and love this phase of life, not sure how long it will last for but right now it works for our family.

Original poster
Pervymenalloverthenews · 22/09/2023 22:29

Thanks everyone, some interesting feedback

OP posts:
Tryingandfailingagain · 22/09/2023 22:46

Hummingbird233 · 22/09/2023 20:06

@menopausalmare do you tell every self employed person to future proof themselves with pensions? Or just stay at home parents?

I only ask as there are a tonne of workers out there with zero or minimal pensions; tradesmen, cleaners, shop workers. They may be earning but sometimes very low salaries that don't offer generous pensions (if any). Many tradesmen would be in the shitter if they broke their back tomorrow.

There seems to be a general assumption that the average SAHP is somewhat thick and vulnerable. Do you not think they consider their future when deciding to stay at home? I really hope you advise men as much women.

Lots of SAHP will have other options that mean they could be financially independent if their relationship ended; joint mortgages, inheritance, savings.

But others will accept increased vulnerability to gain other advantages.

I just hate the assumption that stay at home parents need financial advice and warnings from random strangers!

Completely agree. It’s patronising sexism.

I’ve had periods of being a sahm- while my partner works insanely hard at his career. It has been a gamble where we’ve both reaped the rewards.

FunnysInLaJardin · 22/09/2023 22:51

see, if I didn't work, I would not want to volunteer. I would totally want someone to pay me for my time!

Maybe I am best off in work!

Thementalloadisreal · 22/09/2023 22:53

Exercise
shopping
meal planning & cooking
laundry
dishes
tidying
cleaning
organising
gardening
life admin
pet care
socialising
school run

HideTheCroissants · 22/09/2023 22:57

I didn’t work our youngest was at secondary school so 15 years as a SAHM.
i kept busy when I had pre schoolers by getting involved with Mum and toddler groups. When they were both at primary I volunteered in school and with some groups at my church as well as meeting friends for coffee.

I am actually LESS busy now that I am working than when the DCs were small!

Was126orbustandmaybebust · 22/09/2023 22:59

When I gave up work I spent a month pulling the house apart and back together as it was very disorganised after 4 years of DH and I working full time and often after the DC went to bed too. Then I started volunteering at my daughters school twice a week and then missing earning my own money I started doing online survey and groups.

Stomacharmeleon · 22/09/2023 23:04

@senparents I am not picking but if you don't mind me asking why can't you work due to autism and adhd?
I have older children/ young adults with the same issues and want to be supportive where work is concerned.

sillyuniforms · 22/09/2023 23:05

I'd say a lot who can afford not to work then end up doing volunteer roles to give them purpose

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 22/09/2023 23:08

I'm in college one day a week, and the work for my qualification takes another day.

Today I rode the kids to school on bikes rather than drove them, came home and walked the dog, gutted my bedroom and sorted 4 bin bag fulls of depression-hoarding ready for charity shop, dropped some outgrown clothes to a friend and prepped an easy dinner for after the post school activity. Spent a bit of time planning our house renovations too.

Once I'm qualified I'll be returning to work asap but until that time I'm going to enjoy the opportunity to work on my wellness.

bulletproofteatowel · 22/09/2023 23:10

Sleep. Lots and lots. Some days I can send the kids off to school, crash out on the sofa and only wake up when the oldest is giving the doorbell a workout.

I'm not a lazy fucker, even though it seems like I am. I have cfs/me and some days, all I can do is sleep. Although cfs sleep isn't like healthy, refreshing sleep. I almost always wake up feeling completely awful. I am in receipt of both PIP and ESA. It hurts knowing that things are that crap for me that even the DWP consider me unable to work.

On days when I can function, I tend to do things like make up freezer bag meals, meet friends in town, go shopping for stuff like fruit and veg at the market.

MixedCouple · 22/09/2023 23:10

I am a SAHM worked full time for the last 16years and love it. I get too enjoy my day with my toddler and so all the things in the days that need doing. Just gotten back into baking and cooking. I also help out loads with my elderly parents. My days are very full and will remain that way as I will be home schooling. If I had more time and if LO was in school I would study part-time want to learn a second language and also get back into videoography.

Smileatthesmallthings · 22/09/2023 23:11

I stopped working about 10 months ago. I actually really struggle with the motivation to do the stuff I know I should be doing. I'm not bored - I can happily fill my time watching TV and crocheting but I get really fed up of the long list of 'jobs' I feel like I should be doing that I just don't. I've decided this school year that I need to approach my days off like a job - make a list of all the things I want to do and bloody well get them done. However I then find more TV and new things to crochet 🙄😂🤦

I have a garden that needs looking at, I should meal plan and cook more and shop accordingly, I need to declutter everywhere and I'd like to decorate my living room. But today I made a very cute yarn pumpkin (in my defence I am suffering with DS's cold!)

Graasspp · 22/09/2023 23:15

Gym, TV, volunteering, dog walking, sleep, beauty treatments, shopping, coffees.
I have a cleaner and a gardener too.
Sometimes bored but my kids have excessively long schools holidays so it's never for long.

JoinInBetty · 22/09/2023 23:21

I loved being a SAHM bye bye kiddies, then off I'd go busy doing not a lot.

Now they're older off I go to work ar 6:am like one of the 7 dwarfs but I don't sing. The people on the commute don't like to listen to me singing Hi Ho Hi Ho - the police were very suspicious as to why I was carrying an axe. There's just no trust in the world

Peaceandquietfinally · 22/09/2023 23:24

The school day is actually quite short!
I used to come home after drop off and chill for an hour and do housework until about 11.
Meet up with friends ,my mother
Snack about 1ish
Walk dog and pick the children up at 3.15

justasking111 · 22/09/2023 23:26

I went back to college part time, but I was 29 and wanted to retrain to do something else. I was bored at home.

Trickofthetrade · 22/09/2023 23:35

50% of my day spent cleaning ( nobody else lifts a finger in this house), 10% walking dog, 20% cooking/baking, 10% admin and boring shit, 10% exercise. Up until 4pm. Then sort dinner, walk dog again, ferry kids around to various activities .

NewName122 · 22/09/2023 23:36

I started volunteering then got offered a paid role there. There is only so much cleaning and day time tv you can do isn't there.

Trickofthetrade · 22/09/2023 23:37

Never watch daytime TV as makes me feel low and unmotivated.

lovescats3 · 22/09/2023 23:40

School day is short by the time you've cleaned, done chores

AutumnSalad · 22/09/2023 23:45

My child has disabilities which for me that means that I have to focus on him from early afternoon until 11pm or later. I can’t really have time to myself. So when he is at school I have to do everything else which is:

  • Part-time working from home job.
  • All the housework.
  • Shopping (although most delivered, love that)
  • Contacting friends or family (difficult to do when DS is home).
  • Visiting my elderly parents and doing their housework.
  • Helping my other children or sorting things out for them, anything from broken phones to lost sport kits.
  • Organising any therapies/medical appointments, chasing up and advocating for disability services (takes up a ridiculous amount of time, at the moment having to fight for a better specialised school placement and having to be my own legal representative).
  • Sometimes I just fall asleep if my child has been up half the night.
  • Listen to the radio and music.
  • Often getting a call that DS has had a meltdown or ill or refuses.
  • Dreaming of a time that I can just have some ‘me time’ - which is what the Doctor told me last time I went in!
AuntiesWoodenLeg · 22/09/2023 23:46

I fanny about all day. Do things that make you happy, OP, you only live once.