For not letting my sister enter my apartment

yelloworangepurple · 2023-09-22T06:15:10+00:00

For some background, my sister has been quite mean to me growing up, verging on bullying. 3 years ago I moved out and lived in my apartment. Since then I have avoided my sister like the plague, eg. not showing up to the events she is in. Yesterday I came down with the flu and have told my mum to tell her that I won't be able to visit her tomorrow. She accidentally told my sister about my flu and my sister has been texting me to come round my apartment to take care of me. I am adamant not to let her since I am perfectly capable of keeping myself alive. I feel bad since I think she might have a good intention, but I still believe that she hasn't changed and is concerned that she might steal something from my apartment. (her habit since we were young)

WeWereInParis · 22/09/2023 07:18

YANBU.

Just say you don't need looking after, you're fine to just sleep and lounge about watching tv. Maybe add that you wouldn't want her to get sick as well.

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:19

YANBU, sounds like she’s looking to force your boundaries when you’ll vulnerable under the guise of helping you when you’re ill.

Keep your door locked, don’t answer the door or your phone.

Is she older, by how many years? Has tried to make you see her before?

nevynevster · 22/09/2023 07:20

Simple! It's only the flu, not life threatening and dont answer the door!

If you don't want to tell her the reasons tell her it's possibly Covid and contagious!

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:20

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:19

YANBU, sounds like she’s looking to force your boundaries when you’ll vulnerable under the guise of helping you when you’re ill.

Keep your door locked, don’t answer the door or your phone.

Is she older, by how many years? Has tried to make you see her before?

Younger by 2 years

My mum and she has heavily convinced me to see her but I have declined most of it

OP posts:

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:23

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:19

YANBU, sounds like she’s looking to force your boundaries when you’ll vulnerable under the guise of helping you when you’re ill.

Keep your door locked, don’t answer the door or your phone.

Is she older, by how many years? Has tried to make you see her before?

Right now she is sending me sweet messages like how she misses me and is worried about my high fever, which feels quite weird. I don't see what she could get from coming although I don't really want her to, so I am confused about the situation

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reyran236 · 22/09/2023 07:24

Maybe she's grown up alot and wants to build bridges

YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 07:24

It's fine to say no you don't want her to visit but I would suggest at some point letting go of how she was growing up and consider seeing her as an adult. It's not good that you've not seen her in years but still hold a grudge and think of her as how she was when younger, at some point it might be worth seeing if she's changed now she's grown up.

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/09/2023 07:24

Just don't respond to her messages and if she arrives at the door, ignore her.

If all else fails, you'll just have to tell her you don't want her there, ever

If mother starts in about it, ignore her too.

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:26

YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 07:24

It's fine to say no you don't want her to visit but I would suggest at some point letting go of how she was growing up and consider seeing her as an adult. It's not good that you've not seen her in years but still hold a grudge and think of her as how she was when younger, at some point it might be worth seeing if she's changed now she's grown up.

I still have to see her sometimes in large family gatherings and she is now sometimes nice but sometimes still belittle me.

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CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:27

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:23

Right now she is sending me sweet messages like how she misses me and is worried about my high fever, which feels quite weird. I don't see what she could get from coming although I don't really want her to, so I am confused about the situation

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Now is not the time to see if she has changed, you’re ill.

When you have seen her at other times, has she changed? Does she still make mean or sly comments?

Does she work? I’d also be wondering if she wants money.

swimminglessonadvice · 22/09/2023 07:27

It’s a power thing, she wants to see in your apartment etc. ultimately you don’t know enough about her just yet to know that she’s changed.

tell her you don’t need anyone at the moment and you’ll be in touch should you need any support. I’d go as far as saying you won’t be opening the door to anyone and will be resting and don’t want disturbing.

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:28

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:26

I still have to see her sometimes in large family gatherings and she is now sometimes nice but sometimes still belittle me.

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You need to learn to answer back to her.

If you want to give examples of what she says, maybe people can suggest how to respond.

Tonight1 · 22/09/2023 07:29

I like to be ill in peace, tell her that

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 22/09/2023 07:30

How big is your home? Where does she live? I'd be wondering if she's going to offer to move in to look after you?....

Olika · 22/09/2023 07:30

I don't think you should let her come.

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:31

CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:27

Now is not the time to see if she has changed, you’re ill.

When you have seen her at other times, has she changed? Does she still make mean or sly comments?

Does she work? I’d also be wondering if she wants money.

Show quote history

In the rare occasion in which I see her she still makes mean and sly comments about me, but she is nice when our mum is paying attention to us.

She works as a professional pianist with a lot of performing opportunities and is teaching at a young music conservatorium, so she definitely has enough income, but she is also a huge spender. I don't know if she wants money.

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Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:35

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 22/09/2023 07:30

How big is your home? Where does she live? I'd be wondering if she's going to offer to move in to look after you?....

She has just moved into an apartment of her own.
Not sure about the moving in.
My home is about 80 something sqm

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YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 07:36

From reading your replies I'm wondering why she even has your number to be honest. It's quite apparent you're not fond of her and think she's up to something so why even continue a relationship with her? If you don't think she's capable of change and your initial thoughts are she obviously wants money to to steal from you why talk to her at all?

whatchulookinatwillis · 22/09/2023 07:37

Regardless of your relationship with your sister, you quite possibly have Covid or something equally transferable, so her coming to your apartment is a bad idea.

However, if she's still being a bully to you when you do see her, then there's definitely no reason for her to come over, especially when you're sick.

madeinmanc · 22/09/2023 07:37

Perhaps you should work on some kind of reconciliation later but I think it's best to keep her out of your home for now.

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:38

whatchulookinatwillis · 22/09/2023 07:37

Regardless of your relationship with your sister, you quite possibly have Covid or something equally transferable, so her coming to your apartment is a bad idea.

However, if she's still being a bully to you when you do see her, then there's definitely no reason for her to come over, especially when you're sick.

I tested negative for Covid
Sister said both of us can wear masks so transmitting it isn't a concern

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CherryMaDeara · 22/09/2023 07:40

YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 07:36

From reading your replies I'm wondering why she even has your number to be honest. It's quite apparent you're not fond of her and think she's up to something so why even continue a relationship with her? If you don't think she's capable of change and your initial thoughts are she obviously wants money to to steal from you why talk to her at all?

Because relationships are complicated. It’s hard to completely let go.

Original poster

yelloworangepurple · 22/09/2023 07:45

YourNameGoesHere · 22/09/2023 07:36

From reading your replies I'm wondering why she even has your number to be honest. It's quite apparent you're not fond of her and think she's up to something so why even continue a relationship with her? If you don't think she's capable of change and your initial thoughts are she obviously wants money to to steal from you why talk to her at all?

It is only because my parents would be upset should I completely cut her off, and I don't want that as I value a good relationship with my parents

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smilesup · 22/09/2023 07:47

How is she? Could she have grown up? I hated my sister, properly hated her until we were in our 20s. I love her very much now in our 40s and would have missed out on a great relationship had I cut her off.
Now if she had continued her poor behaviour as an adult I would then cut her off.
As a little aside you haven't got the flu. If you did you wouldn't be able to lift your head for more than 10 seconds on day 2 let alone start a post on MN. Maybe she thinks you really have the flu, and need help to get to the loo etc.

MidnightOnceMore · 22/09/2023 07:49

reyran236 · 22/09/2023 07:24

Maybe she's grown up alot and wants to build bridges

She would demonstrate this by apologising and respecting current boundaries.

Without open acknowledgement of past behaviour it is unlikely to be this.