For not letting my sister enter my apartment

[yelloworangepurple]

For some background, my sister has been quite mean to me growing up, verging on bullying.

3 years ago I moved out and lived in my apartment. Since then I have avoided my sister like the plague, eg. not showing up to the events she is in.

Yesterday I came down with the flu and have told my mum to tell her that I won't be able to visit her tomorrow. She accidentally told my sister about my flu and my sister has been texting me to come round my apartment to take care of me. I am adamant not to let her since I am perfectly capable of keeping myself alive.

I feel bad since I think she might have a good intention, but I still believe that she hasn't changed and is concerned that she might steal something from my apartment. (her habit since we were young)

It’s about her wanting to come, regardless of what you want! She’s still a bully!!!
She’s just bullying you more politely. Say no, if she turns up ignore the door.

Play the sweetness and light Back at her and tell her you wouldn’t want to catch what you’ve got and you’re going back to bed to sleep now anyway.

Keep her away atm. If there is a genuine feeling about making up and being nice then you need to manage it. Mainly on your terms.
You need to be on top form for it not 'under the weather'.
Stay comfortable and cosset yourself.

Yes it can be life threatening. 14.500 people a year die in England and Wales due to flu.

'you're way too polite' is code for 'you're being difficult and not letting me get my way'

Sorry that's simply not true.

Maybe it is time to try and build on your relationship but arrange to meet her when you're 100% better- and on neutral ground!

I think this is a power play. You have successfully disengaged from her and she is probably irritated she no longer has an emotional connection/ hold over you. Has she tried to make it up with you before? Has she come and properly apologised for her treatment of you, or made a respectful attempt to reconnect as adults? If not, she is trying to take advantage while you are ill and you are right to say no.

I also think she’s trying to manipulate your mother and create tension between you and your mother by making you look difficult and unwilling in your mother’s eyes.

It sounds as if you have been successful in putting her at arms length but you may have to play a subtle game to keep her there without upsetting your mother. Saying you don’t want to see her because you are unwell is certainly reasonable. And you are an adult and don’t need looking after. Perhaps you can follow it up by saying you’ll look forward to catching up with her at the next family event, whatever it is. This should take the pressure off your mother and stop your sister in her tracks. And at that event you can minimally engage/ignore as usual.

You’ve told her and your mum how you need to be helped right now: you need to be left alone, you don’t need or want (her) company, you need to sleep.

If someone is insisting on ‘helping’ in a way that you have specifically asked for them not to help, they are not helping!

The fact that she is being so pushy when you have made yourself very clear is concerning. Definitely don't let her come round.

It might be an idea to disconnect your doorbell, if you can.

This 💯

Turn your phone off! She's not to be trusted.

She obviously hasn't changed. Don't let her in - ever.

She is literally telling you there that you being sick is about her? She sounds awful, keep your boundary.

I got as far as this post by you @yelloworangepurple , and felt compelled to respond.

How upset your parents may or may not get is not your issue to resolve, it's theirs. You don't get along with this sibling so your parents applying terms and conditions to your relationship with them (i.e. you have to be nice to your sister/can't cut her off/whatever or they'll be upset) is just wrong.
You can have a relationship with them without having to have a relationship with your sister. If they can't deal with that, that's their issue to resolve, not yours.

You don't want her in your apartment, then don't.
Send her a message thanking her for her offer to look after you but as you're a big girl now, you don't need her help and you'd prefer it if she stopped pressuring you into accepting help you don't want or need.
If you need groceries, you'll either Uber them or do an online supermarket shop with delivery. You don't need to let her in.

Best of luck to you

Look I'm really sorry but Im dosing up and can't face seeing any one. I'll see you next week when I'm feeling better.

So you are holding on to a grudge from her behaviour as a child and are still resentful of her? Grow up

RTFT. The sister is still mean to OP when their mum is not around. She's a sly one.

If you want to help fuck off

You have had little or no contact with her for a reason , that reason hasn't changed has it .

Tell her to do one

Just keep replying 'no thank you' to every single message. If she still doesn't get the message, you can say 'I'm going quiet now as I'm going to bed'. Just ignore all phone calls and knocks on the door. She can't come round if you don't let her in.

Yes I have been polite in telling you repeatedly that I don't want a visit.
It is not about what you want.
Leave me in peace and do not message me about this again as I will not reply.
I cannot make it any clearer than that.

Are you ok OP?

And maybe she hasn't.

Don't let her in OP. If you feel you must do something, suggest a meeting after you've recovered at your Mum's or down the pub.

Personally, I wouldn't even offer that.