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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
Goldenbear · 22/09/2023 10:49

I mean I work full-time but most days WFH, my DH is a big time Guy that has important client dinners, he is very important, I mean he is in France at the moment for a whole weekend of hosting clients, that's how important he is but he doesn't expect me to put a pizza in the oven at 9.30, he would just do it himself if it came up. What I don't understand if he has the kind of job like my DH, with entertaining clients doesn't he eat out- on expenses? DH doesn't cope without food at regular times so getting in at 9.30 would definitely mean that he had eaten on expenses. I am wondering if you DH is as bigger fish as you say he is, is he really a very important man🙄

Sunshinenrain · 22/09/2023 10:50

IHopeThisFindsYouWell · 22/09/2023 10:35

*What did he do?

I’ve never heard of anyone earning hundreds of thousands a year*

What? My DH works in finance and he and the majority of the colleagues at his level earn multiple hundreds of thousands. Some millions. This is not in London btw, it's in the frozen wastelands of the North.

I work in law and partners in big firms here will all earn multiple hundreds of thousands. Same for accountancy. Then there's tech, pharmaceuticals etc. Consultants earn a base salary of over £100k but some will double or triple that with private or medico-legal work.

Jeez!
I’ve heard on here about people earning £100k or around but never more than that.

I’ve never even seen a job advertised for that much.

Perhaps I should consider retraining into one of theses fields.
Even after years of working in my field I can only make about £40k max.

Gettingbysomehow · 22/09/2023 10:50

You sound like a female version of a cocklodger OP - sorry.
If I was married to someone like you I'd be seriously thinking about the future of our marriage.

Brightandshining · 22/09/2023 10:51

@Goldenbear

Exactly! Most people who work unsociable hours would not expect their spouse to cook for them at some random time.

I think this is a reverse because it goes into such detail about how easy the OP has it when that's not really the point. It doesn't buy you a 24hr servant

Goldenbear · 22/09/2023 10:54

Sunshinenrain · 22/09/2023 10:50

Jeez!
I’ve heard on here about people earning £100k or around but never more than that.

I’ve never even seen a job advertised for that much.

Perhaps I should consider retraining into one of theses fields.
Even after years of working in my field I can only make about £40k max.

Show quote history

You don't really see these jobs advertised, they are headhunted, I mean over £100000 as not particularly massive in London but you are not going to see £600000 Job on Indeed, I don't think anyway!

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/09/2023 10:55

If this is real, YABU. Why don’t you eat with him? I would. One latish meal a week won’t hurt you.

Sunshinenrain · 22/09/2023 10:55

Goldenbear · 22/09/2023 10:54

You don't really see these jobs advertised, they are headhunted, I mean over £100000 as not particularly massive in London but you are not going to see £600000 Job on Indeed, I don't think anyway!

Show quote history

Ahh that makes sense!

AmazingSnakeHead · 22/09/2023 10:56

I think if you have time to pose as your wife on MN then you don't work half as hard as you think you do.

aSofaNearYou · 22/09/2023 10:58

I think if it's something like a pizza/heating up leftovers I'd do it, but I wouldn't want to start properly cooking from scratch.

Goldenbear · 22/09/2023 11:00

Brightandshining · 22/09/2023 10:51

@Goldenbear

Exactly! Most people who work unsociable hours would not expect their spouse to cook for them at some random time.

I think this is a reverse because it goes into such detail about how easy the OP has it when that's not really the point. It doesn't buy you a 24hr servant

Yes, I mean if I am up and about having dinner at 9.30 which does actually happen if I have had loads of work on or helping my secondary kids with homework, then I wouldn't resent it, just text him and say do you want yours putting on if coming through the door any minute! It is the principle of the thing in this case though, up I spring as the wife to serve. DH just wouldn't even expect that not now I am working full time but not when I was a SAHM and my DC were little. I can see that the DH does everything on other days but presumably the OP is home at dinner time. I don't really see my DH for lots of the week so maybe we are just dysfunctional and actually my expectations are not the norm though!

fulawitt · 22/09/2023 11:03

What I don't get is this : if you cook a pizza, you will be measuring the ingredients pro rata the number of persons in the household. Even if you took them from the fridge ready made you would take x pizza also pro rata, earning bedazzling amount of money you would most certainly add very expensive toppings on them. A good pizza does not take 10 minutes in the oven. This person can't cook, me think this is a reverse. My husband never asks nor expects that I bring him a plate, I bring it to him because I want to, that's it. If I did not bring a plate, I am exhausted, or sick, or doing something. The meal is there help yourself. Also my hubby is a great cook so he might want to do his own magic over the plate, even if I think what I did is pretty good. Is is a form of patriarchal control or something ? I met a man once who refused to serve himself. When my husband works late, he busies himself in the kitchen and I see him coming with his plate before I even have the time to say hi. What is this ?

RedToothBrush · 22/09/2023 11:04

I'm baffled as to why he needs you to put the oven on for him and I'm baffled as to why this is a hardship for you too.

Both of you seem like a pair of planks tbh.

DragonFly98 · 22/09/2023 11:05

Even the trolls are fake lazy now.

Document · 22/09/2023 11:16

I am surprised people don’t know that some folk earn ‘hundreds of thousands’.

Earning £250,000 is not unusual in some financial/legal roles. And that’s just two ‘hundred thousands’. Some partners in the City earn much much more.

zeibesaffron · 22/09/2023 11:18

Get off your arse and sort the pizza out - how lazy are you?

SlightlyJaded · 22/09/2023 11:19

Surely a reverse?

PinkRoses1245 · 22/09/2023 11:20

YABVU. He works very hard to keep you in a luxury lifestyle and you can’t even “cook” him a pizza. I don’t know how he can tolerate being so financially depended upon.

Jesseweneedtocook · 22/09/2023 11:21

You lazy cow
Do you not work as a team?

Your poor husband.

NoSquirrels · 22/09/2023 11:23

Weird thread.

Surely the answer is don’t do pizza on the days you need to feed DH later? Eat pizza when you’re all together instead. It’s a bit energy inefficient to have the oven on for a one-person pizza anyway.

andthat · 22/09/2023 11:26

Are you kidding OP?! He’s working hard for those hundreds of thousands that facilitate your lovely life.

if you don’t want to cook a pizza at 9.30pm, can you imagine how he feels?!!

Just do the pizza! It’s hardly a three course meal!!

YouJustDoYou · 22/09/2023 11:26

Wow you're lazy. And unnappreciative of what he does to afford your shit-easy lifestyle.

Coffeepot72 · 22/09/2023 11:32

YouJustDoYou · 22/09/2023 11:26

Wow you're lazy. And unnappreciative of what he does to afford your shit-easy lifestyle.

This!

user1471600850 · 22/09/2023 11:36

This has made me laugh so much - don't think she will be coming back unless it is a reverse!!

McIntire · 22/09/2023 11:42

I’m in a very similar situation to the OP.
Cooking a pizza requires getting off your arse twice.

I would cook the pizza but my DH wouldn’t expect me to.

Maybe that’s the difference

McIntire · 22/09/2023 11:44

Although we wouldn’t be having pizza in the first place anyway 😂

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