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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
Winifredduck · 22/09/2023 11:45

Why does how much he earns have anything to do with it??
He spends his afternoon/evenings 'entertaining clients' eg drinking/ playing golf. Surely, he'd be more worthy of a hot meal if he'd been working as a paramedic/sweeping the streets/working in an amazon wearhouse all day.

Thoughtful2355 · 22/09/2023 11:47

Be greatful your able to just sit down, now cook your man some fking food

labamba007 · 22/09/2023 11:48

I'm waiting for the mumsnet update: 'we had our suspicions about this one' 😂

StolenCookie · 22/09/2023 11:48

I think the fact that his salary pays for your entire lifestyle means that it wouldn’t be too much for him to expect a hot meal when he gets in (especially when it doesn’t sound like a nightly thing?).

I think if a woman had posted this saying her husband (in your position) hesitates to have a hot meal ready for her there would be a chorus of LTB!

Sludgey · 22/09/2023 11:50

I’m no surrendered wife but I think if he’s been out working till then - entertaining clients is work by the way - then it’s nice to put on the pizza. I mean you haven’t even walked the dogs 😆

Applesaarenttheonlyfruit · 22/09/2023 11:53

<slow clap>

fulawitt · 22/09/2023 11:54

Let's try this reverse. "I work 5 days a week a 12 hours shift and when I come back home my wfh husband asks where is dinner and why I haven't prepared it before leaving for work as a matter of course. Let's say I'm a nurse or a paramedic.

Hooplahooping · 22/09/2023 11:55

I have a similarly gold plated set up to you. Husband earns plenty, is brilliant and hands on with the children when I have other things going on. Does the morning school run etc.

I think the major difference is I really like my husband… on the 2-3 days he is later home I wait and eat with him, usually just reheat what I made for children with a salad on the side - it’s no big deal and I’m happy to see him.

if he gets in super late - I’ll still leave food ready for him to heat up himself - but usually pop down and have a hot drink + hang out while he’s eating because again. I like him. We have chosen to share our lives. I’m grateful for all the work he does for us and I know that it is something that makes him feel loved and important to me.

if you have talked to him about it, and agreed that you’ll get up together and make sure you have breakfast / morning coffee together before the day starts - and that supper isn’t a big deal to either of you that’s one thing. But I think not wanting to get off the sofa to chuck a pizza in the oven smacks of him being extremely low on your list of priorities…

andthat · 22/09/2023 11:57

Winifredduck · 22/09/2023 11:45

Why does how much he earns have anything to do with it??
He spends his afternoon/evenings 'entertaining clients' eg drinking/ playing golf. Surely, he'd be more worthy of a hot meal if he'd been working as a paramedic/sweeping the streets/working in an amazon wearhouse all day.

ridiculous comment.

minipie · 22/09/2023 12:09

AmazingSnakeHead · 22/09/2023 10:56

I think if you have time to pose as your wife on MN then you don't work half as hard as you think you do.

🤣

Theprincessisblanketed · 22/09/2023 12:12

coffy11 · 22/09/2023 02:31

Can't he just heat it up when he gets home, why is that so hard? When I come home late I don't expect my husband to drop what he's doing and come and heat up my dinner, I'm a grown adult, i can do that myself.

Yes to this. I'm a stay at home mum and while I cook for DH if he's here when the family are eating if he is eating later he reheats it or cooks something himself (and similarly if I'm out he'd cook for him and the kids but not again for me later).

He's a fully grown adult that managed cooking dinner after work before we got married and had a family he can still do it now.

If I jumped up and said I'd put a pizza in the oven for him instead of him going to the 'effort' of bunging it in himself he'd look at me like I'd gone mad!

Hippyhippybake · 22/09/2023 12:16

Yes to my mind the issue is the pizza not the heating up!

mayorofcasterbridge · 22/09/2023 12:25

I don't believe a word of this. Surely nobody could be so entitled and so lazy??!

Don't understand why if he's entertaining clients he doesn't just eat with them anyway?

Plus he apparently makes dinner on the two days when you work. Plus you get to sit on said arse for most of the time otherwise???

Madness.

Medusaismyhero · 22/09/2023 12:25

Swap ya?

Mama2six · 22/09/2023 12:28

I think even if my dh rolled in at midnight I’d still get up and do the man some dinner seeing as he finances my lifestyle and lovely life and also pulls his weight on days he doesn’t work. You sound selfish and lazy

aSofaNearYou · 22/09/2023 12:46

Mama2six · 22/09/2023 12:28

I think even if my dh rolled in at midnight I’d still get up and do the man some dinner seeing as he finances my lifestyle and lovely life and also pulls his weight on days he doesn’t work. You sound selfish and lazy

Tbf I would think that was fucking ridiculous. Whilst up anyway, sure, but getting out of bed to do it, not so much. That just comes across like a pretty extreme fixation with owing him total subservience because he is the breadwinner.

Mama2six · 22/09/2023 12:54

Yes I should have been clearer, if I were already up of course

willWillSmithsmith · 22/09/2023 13:08

Winifredduck · 22/09/2023 11:45

Why does how much he earns have anything to do with it??
He spends his afternoon/evenings 'entertaining clients' eg drinking/ playing golf. Surely, he'd be more worthy of a hot meal if he'd been working as a paramedic/sweeping the streets/working in an amazon wearhouse all day.

My ex used to entertain clients, it definitely didn’t include playing golf (he doesn’t play) but it would normally include eating out (that’s what the entertaining bit was). I still think though that putting a pizza in for him is not asking much even for someone as apparently lazy as this apparent OP. It’s not like she has to get up at 3am to do it.

Aquestioningmind · 22/09/2023 13:08

Absolutely divorce him - he's completely taking the piss.

In fact, he sounds so awful that I am prepared to let you give him to me so he can let me work two days a week whilst he also contributes in other ways to the family unit.

Thisistyresome · 22/09/2023 13:08

Sensoria · 22/09/2023 09:52

Except my husband is a City law firm partner and earns more than that, and he does 2 pick ups a week, and then logs back on after bed time. So it is very possible for City law partners to pull their weight with children at home if they want to, rather than claim they earn big money and can’t possibly look after their children.

I guess the difference is I also work in City law and it wouldn’t have been possible for it to be on just me without my career suffering, so we have both had to pull our weight, so to speak.

I do think OP is a troll, as I find it hard to believe someone could be so lazy, but her husband coming home at half 8 twice a week doesn’t support that.

Show quote history

Interesting that your husband can. I was not suggesting that city law partners can’t pull their weight, for example I know plenty who cover the mornings, chivvying the kids up to get ready, do music practice, reading, breakfast, drop off, etc. Early starts don’t often seem to be demanded.

Pick up seem far more challenging, due to being able to commit to having a long enough block of time to do that properly. Perhaps it depends on the area of city law.

No parent should say that can’t pull their weight, but how they do it can be restricted. For example, you don’t see traders doing drop off, but that restriction is not a bar to other responsibilities.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 22/09/2023 13:37

I thought you meant get up out of bed!
YABU and lazy
He cooks when you work, so he deserves the same consideration

Panaa · 22/09/2023 14:19

StolenCookie · 22/09/2023 11:48

I think the fact that his salary pays for your entire lifestyle means that it wouldn’t be too much for him to expect a hot meal when he gets in (especially when it doesn’t sound like a nightly thing?).

I think if a woman had posted this saying her husband (in your position) hesitates to have a hot meal ready for her there would be a chorus of LTB!

I guess it's different if he wanted to walk in to a hot meal. I used to have the dinner ready for as soon as my ex walked in the door.

But if he only wanted it to be put on when he got home then it shouldn't really matter who flicks the switch on the oven....surely whoever is closest to it would do that basic task.

Maybe OP lives in a mansion though and the kitchen is far away from wherever he walks into the house and goes to chill out as soon as he comes in 😅

Winifredduck · 22/09/2023 17:13

I wasn't saying she shouldn't put the pizza in the oven.
I was just objecting to posters implying that she should be more obligated to do it because her husband earns alot of money. It is implying someone earning more is somehow working harder or is more deserving of having a meal cooked.

AprQ · 22/09/2023 19:01

Another one where the OP hasn’t replied. What’s wrong with people😂

theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 19:03

I think this is a wind up.. but if not, cook the pizza. (I thought you meant you had to get up at 1 am or something)

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