To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

[FlamboMango]

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

This is a joke surely?

Bloody hell, you work 2 days a week, have a cleaner and dog-walker, and your husband works all day and yet does the cooking. You're whining about having to do him something to eat on 2 evenings when he gets in late? You're selfish, lazy and entitled.

@willWillSmithsmith

What did he do?

I’ve never heard of anyone earning hundreds of thousands a year.

Either a reverse or totally made up.

Are you mad? Throwing a pizza in the oven/air fryer for 10-12 mins is the LEAST you could do for him

YABU. Is this even real?

I worked for HMRC for over 30 years.

There are people who earn these sums - and more!

The biggest salary I ever personally dealt with was over a million PA. This was in the early 90's and our computer system couldn't deal with so many numerical spaces needed so I had to do an assessment by hand on the old paper form.

If he (really) makes "hundreds of thousands" and it's pizza night, why not just order a bloody takeaway for when he gets home?

If you time it right you won't even need to get off your arse, he can meet the delivery guy at the door!

Do you really make and bake a pizza? Like actually mix the base ingredients, prepare fresh bought toppings and lovingly put it in the ovem to cool! Nah! Doesn't add up to image you've set.

Just bung it in the oven like everyone else said. Crikey, entitled much?

You've never heard of it?

It's not as common as MN would have you believe, but it certainly happens.

OP I think you know it is “fair” that you get up and make him dinner or at least you make it together, given you’ve had a lot of time off in the day.

I do however get that it is very hard to get up again once you feel like you’ve finished for the evening and you’re on the sofa.

My suggestion is that on those two days you don’t sit back down after bedtime but do some sort of job in the house so you’re not having to gee yourself back up again from “done for the day”. Or always cook something he just has to microwave/reheat.

That's pretty exhausting you know. Just the calories to get off the sofa.

Is this a reverse or is it one of those annoying posts testing out "if the sexes were reversed" bollocks? In other words trying to catch Mumsnet posters out by the woman being bone idle to see if she gets her ass handed to her on a plate as a man would if he did the same.

YABU. It's ridiculous. Your DH makes you meals when you are working from home. You have a cleaner and a dog walker. Kids are at school.
How much effort does it take to put a pizza in the oven anyway?
I mean, yeah, he could do it too, but as he makes meals for you when you are working and you're doing fuck all during the day when you aren't working the least you could do is heat up a meal when he's been out working late.

Oh I'm gonna go against the grain here and say yanbu. Just because he's home quite late and probably should realise that after you've got the kids dinners done and put them to bed you'll be quite tired. Anyone would be tbh no matter if they only work part time. If you've got a bunch of kids to sort out come 8 or 9pm you do not want to be faffing about cooking an extra full meal. I'd not expect this from anyone. A nice act if occasionally you have the energy to do it for him, but not something to be expected that late on.
I also wonder if this is a reverse because you kinda play up how much he does for you whilst downplaying what you do.

But OP says that on the days she works, her DH does all the running around, pick ups, activities plus cooks dinner for her. So doing the same on the days he works late is only fair. Plus the OP only works 2 days per week.

Reverse or made up.
Usually (not always) OPs come back to their posts. I am wary of threads where the OP writes a goady tirade and then sits back with their popcorn while MNers froth at the mouth.

*What did he do?

I’ve never heard of anyone earning hundreds of thousands a year*

What? My DH works in finance and he and the majority of the colleagues at his level earn multiple hundreds of thousands. Some millions. This is not in London btw, it's in the frozen wastelands of the North.

I work in law and partners in big firms here will all earn multiple hundreds of thousands. Same for accountancy. Then there's tech, pharmaceuticals etc. Consultants earn a base salary of over £100k but some will double or triple that with private or medico-legal work.

If you've got a bunch of kids to sort out come 8 or 9pm you do not want to be faffing about cooking an extra full meal.
It's getting off the sofa and sticking a pizza in the oven.
😂

If you went to bed earlier and stopped posting on MN in the middle of the night, you might have enough energy to lift the pizza, open the oven door and bung it in.

I really think this must be a reverse because op is so slightly disparaging about her own contributions. There's ways you could fairly word this. Like 'my husband chooses to work flat out even though we do not really need the extra money.. he comes home very late a couple of nights a week so I have sole care of the children all evening.. I cook their dinner and mine and put them all to bed etc.. so come 9pm I'm quite tired. Aibu to ask him to heat his own dinner when he gets in?'

@LolaSmiles if its really so easy why can't he do it when he gets in?

You should definitely not cook supper for him when he get in late after dealing with client meetings as part of his probably very stressful, full-time, demanding job. Anyone earning hundreds of thousands has it handed to them on a plate. In fact, I think you should cease to do anything at all. I mean, how dare he? You are tired. Life is exhausting for you, right?

When he reevaluated his life and jettisons you, you might want to remember this moment. Any judge will set your maintenance at a level that assumes full-time work by you. No more sitting in your arse and restful days.

Honestly OP you sound bone idle. My DH works long hours, I gave up work after 37 years six months ago and am now “kept”. But I did this when I worked FT too.

Really how hard is it to put a casserole on low in the morning then switch it off until later then put a light under it ten minutes before he gets home? Or plate it up and stick it in the microwave for when he gets in?

a frozen pizza is a pretty shit dinner for someone that has been out of the house for probably more than 12 hours and keeps you in luxury.

it’s not about him not being able to put a pizza in, it’s about mutual respect and caring for each other.

Looks like reverse to me.when was the last time you spent time together out of the house ? Do you talk? Except for " what's for dinner?"? Does he look like he fucked somewhere and half of the time when you actually cooked he tells you he had a team meal at a restaurant but never told you? While you never ever go out anywhere with him? Surely it's more complicated then "for Christ sake ! She just has to heat up my meal twice a week"

Wow that’s insane!

I’m definitely in the wrong job 🤣🤣

I mean personally I work 12 hour night shifts. So I eat at wierd times. If I'm working and I'm not there to do it my DH cooks for the kids and when he does he always messages me to see if I want any. Which sometimes I do but sometimes I'm asleep.
I would never in a million years expect him to cook me something separate if I wake at 9.30pm etc
Even tho I often work up to 70 hours a week and he does 35.
There's our shared responsibilities such as the kids, which I do expect him to do more of if I'm working loads. But there's also our own needs which I do not expect another adult to see to for me. I mean it's sweet if they do from time to time but it's not an expectation I have. He sometimes does my laundry and irons my work stuff.. but sometimes he doesn't so I do it. Depends on how tired he is. I do not assume it's his responsibility because I work more hours. These are things I'd have to do even if I were single and childless, they aren't his responsibility

Quite frankly for that life, I’d get up and make him a 3 course gourmet meal so if you can’t be added OP I’ll take him off your hands?