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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
Certainlyreally · 22/09/2023 09:16

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

goady made up thread?

Edit - was trying to report this thread as I dont believe a word of it - so will still report it

MrsMarzetti · 22/09/2023 09:18

Time your Husband got himself a new wife.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 22/09/2023 09:20

I think there are a lot of people on here that are envious of your lifestyle! 😆

It is a bit much to ask if he is getting in so late...and why isn't he eating when he's entertaining clients? Whether you're doing paid work those days or not, who isn't tired and winding down at 9.30pm, whatever you've done that day?! I would make sure that I didn't cook something like pizza on those two days...try to stick to something that goes in the microwave or slow cooker...then he heats it up if it needs it when he gets in. It's just expecting you to be a hand servant if you have to jump up and prepare food as soon as 'master' comes through the door!

notcurrentlyactive · 22/09/2023 09:22

Presumably this is another wind up but in the unlikely scenario that it's not, unless you're making your own dough, tomato purée and finely slicing veg and/or meat, you're not 'cooking' a pizza. You're putting one in the oven.

If I liked my DH, I'd do it because he's presumably knackered and also it's just a nice thing to do for someone you love.

Document · 22/09/2023 09:26

I know a woman like this. Married to a wealthy lawyer. Says she is so busy all the time with two kids at secondary/university. She has to have a women come and do her laundry every Thursday as it’s too much.

Good for her really!

HoppingPavlova · 22/09/2023 09:26

on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH

and in return, you can’t be bothered to stick a pizza in the oven?

SphincterSaysWhat · 22/09/2023 09:28

This is a Daily Mail story plant - don't bite, ladies.

CollagenQueen · 22/09/2023 09:38

Why do you have a cleaner and dog walker? Baffling.

truthhurts23 · 22/09/2023 09:42

I would say yabu,
If I was living your life, I would be cooking for him everyday and serving up his dinners on the fancy plates ,
even massage his feet
making dinner for your husband is a small gesture

Cinateel · 22/09/2023 09:43

I think this is the husband posting this! But if not, you're very lazy, @FlamboMango

Document · 22/09/2023 09:43

CollagenQueen · 22/09/2023 09:38

Why do you have a cleaner and dog walker? Baffling.

Wealthy people have these and more. It’s not a shock.

Validissue179 · 22/09/2023 09:44

I don’t think you should, if it’s only bunging it in oven for ten mins then he can manage that. I don’t work & husband works FT but there’s no way I’d be cooking dinner at 8:30 for him, I’ll make dinner for me & kids & if he’s home I’ll make it for him too otherwise he can do it himself. Just take yourself busy with something else or have a bath/shower then he won’t have a choice

truthhurts23 · 22/09/2023 09:44

CollagenQueen · 22/09/2023 09:38

Why do you have a cleaner and dog walker? Baffling.

why is it baffling?

OlizraWiteomQua · 22/09/2023 09:45

I was ready to say "yanbu" when I thought he was coming home after you had gone to sleep and you were talking about getting up out of bed and cooking in your pyjamas. But you are literally resenting the idea of standing up off a sofa! At 9:30! Yes yabu.

And you are going to have serious physical problems in later life if your lifestyle is that sedentary that standing from a sofa to put a pizza in the oven feels like a burden. Getting up and moving around at least every 40 minutes or so is an absolute minimum or you are asking for trouble.

Hayley0203 · 22/09/2023 09:45

You're not being unreasonable at all, OP. You clearly need a pizza chef.

KimberleyClark · 22/09/2023 09:46

Document · 22/09/2023 09:43

Wealthy people have these and more. It’s not a shock.

Show quote history

I can’t imagine owning a dog and having plenty of time to walk it and STILL paying someone else to do it. Half the pleasure is seeing the pleasure the dog gets from walks.

ManateeFair · 22/09/2023 09:49

Surely this is a reverse

Isometimeswonder · 22/09/2023 09:51

Spoilt.
That's all I can say.
And you have no idea how most people live.
You Are Spoilt.

RandomButtons · 22/09/2023 09:51

CollagenQueen · 22/09/2023 09:38

Why do you have a cleaner and dog walker? Baffling.

Are you telling me that if you hand hundreds of thousands per annum you wouldn’t do the same? Flip I would. And a gardener. I’d volunteer and paint watercolours all day long then still cook a pizza for hardworking DH when he got home.

It’s just how some people live.

Sensoria · 22/09/2023 09:52

Thisistyresome · 22/09/2023 08:51

The flaw is if the husband was making £350k a year he would not only be back late two nights a week. I know of City law firm partners who are able to do the school drop off a few days (sometimes even most), but it is very rare they could so pick up or often evening events.

Only getting back after 20:30 two nights a week is not going to be that career.#

Also, with a wife with this attitude in these circumstances if he genuinely did only have two late nights for work, he may just develop a few more late nights during the week for OW.

Show quote history

Except my husband is a City law firm partner and earns more than that, and he does 2 pick ups a week, and then logs back on after bed time. So it is very possible for City law partners to pull their weight with children at home if they want to, rather than claim they earn big money and can’t possibly look after their children.

I guess the difference is I also work in City law and it wouldn’t have been possible for it to be on just me without my career suffering, so we have both had to pull our weight, so to speak.

I do think OP is a troll, as I find it hard to believe someone could be so lazy, but her husband coming home at half 8 twice a week doesn’t support that.

Crapsummer2023 · 22/09/2023 09:55

Well assuming you’re in the uK, you’ve managed to wake up to rant at 1.30am, so how difficult can it be to put a pizza in the oven?

Hobbi · 22/09/2023 09:57

Why does he only do all the household chores on two days? You need your sleep and me time. Honestly, mumsnet women don't set the bar very high.

Goldenbear · 22/09/2023 09:59

RandomButtons · 22/09/2023 09:51

Are you telling me that if you hand hundreds of thousands per annum you wouldn’t do the same? Flip I would. And a gardener. I’d volunteer and paint watercolours all day long then still cook a pizza for hardworking DH when he got home.

It’s just how some people live.

Show quote history

It is definitely the case that people have all this, I have friends that do but personally I think it is question of moral code- you should be doing this stuff yourself if you are fit and healthy and have all day everyday! It is good for the soul to wipe your own loo!

Graciebobcat · 22/09/2023 10:01

Cook a pizza? You mean bung it in the oven for ten mins.

As a fully functioning adult, it's not that hard for DH either, surely?

There is no special magic that says the little woman has to make his tea for him like she's his mummy.

labamba007 · 22/09/2023 10:15

Graciebobcat · 22/09/2023 10:01

Cook a pizza? You mean bung it in the oven for ten mins.

As a fully functioning adult, it's not that hard for DH either, surely?

There is no special magic that says the little woman has to make his tea for him like she's his mummy.

If I was getting home at 9.30 my husband would always put me in a pizza at 9.20 for me, saves time!