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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
MontezumasPuma · 22/09/2023 08:35

Whether or not this is a wind up, I used to know someone exactly like this, only her DH paid for her 8 horses to keep her busy too. He had affairs, but never divorced her, presumably because it would have cost him too much.

MsRosley · 22/09/2023 08:38

Another wind up. OP, you're not very good at this.

Fallingthroughclouds · 22/09/2023 08:40

What's a reverse?

Mikimoto · 22/09/2023 08:40

Could I just say, he's lucky ta have ya!

BritAirwaysgirl · 22/09/2023 08:41

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2023 01:32

You can't manage this? Really? I suppose your gruelling days of doing fuck all are quite exhausting. Poor thing.

This !!

Teddleshon · 22/09/2023 08:45

My dh is late a couple of nights a week. I always cook something that can be reheated. I confess that if I’m in the middle of watching something I will sometimes pause it and ask him if he’s ok to heat it up but I will always have a chat with him first.

Thisistyresome · 22/09/2023 08:46

This one is a wind-up. It hasn’t quite been structured right.

However, I have seen this attitude enough times. They generally wouldn’t post it on a message board. You may get a millennial posting it on TicToc or others who tell you directly, but if they really had to write it out it wouldn’t pass the sense check before posting.

Also, if this was the situation I suspect he would tolerate it because he was playing away and she chose not to notice.

ClairDeLaLune · 22/09/2023 08:49

LTB. And let him find someone better.

ScarlettSunset · 22/09/2023 08:50

MontezumasPuma · 22/09/2023 08:35

Whether or not this is a wind up, I used to know someone exactly like this, only her DH paid for her 8 horses to keep her busy too. He had affairs, but never divorced her, presumably because it would have cost him too much.

I also know someone like this. I suspect there's more of them about than people think, though most don't post about it on the internet forums.
The person I know claims to be a stay at home mum but her kids are all adults now living their own life...

katepilar · 22/09/2023 08:50

He can surely heat up his own food. Anyone who expects other people, their wife, to heat up and serve them food when its just for them makes my stomach turn.

KimberleyClark · 22/09/2023 08:51

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/09/2023 06:24

When you said "get up" I imagined him coming home at midnight and you having to get out of bed.

If this is real, YABVU.

That’s what I thought. Not just getting up off the sofa!

HappydaysArehere · 22/09/2023 08:51

Pulling our legs and having a laugh.

Thisistyresome · 22/09/2023 08:51

Document · 22/09/2023 08:26

I know people think they are Very Clever for spotting a troll and are enjoying patronising the posters who have been ‘sucked in’.

But if she is a troll she is consistent. She posted a few weeks ago elsewhere about having a cleaner and dog walker and a husband who is a lawyer on £350k. She said she does f all till 1400 and has a nap and then rushes around till 2030 by which point she is ‘done’. She also said she works on Labour Ward.

So this woman may not be a troll. Just not suited to the challenges of being a working mum or supportive wife.

The flaw is if the husband was making £350k a year he would not only be back late two nights a week. I know of City law firm partners who are able to do the school drop off a few days (sometimes even most), but it is very rare they could so pick up or often evening events.

Only getting back after 20:30 two nights a week is not going to be that career.#

Also, with a wife with this attitude in these circumstances if he genuinely did only have two late nights for work, he may just develop a few more late nights during the week for OW.

Thisistyresome · 22/09/2023 08:53

ClairDeLaLune · 22/09/2023 08:49

LTB. And let him find someone better.

That gave me a chuckle. You could have left it at LTB, would have been even better.

ShirleyPhallus · 22/09/2023 08:54

Premium Mumsnet to say that cooking a casserole is easier than putting a pizza in 🤣

KimberleyClark · 22/09/2023 08:55

ScarlettSunset · 22/09/2023 08:50

I also know someone like this. I suspect there's more of them about than people think, though most don't post about it on the internet forums.
The person I know claims to be a stay at home mum but her kids are all adults now living their own life...

Show quote history

Oh I know one too. Claims to be soooo busy even though her children are all grown adults.

Everywednesday · 22/09/2023 08:59

This doesn't read right does it?
I do know people with this attitude though. When we settle with a life partner we're a team. If that means cutting a high earner who supports a great lifestyle by getting off your arse to make them a cuppa, or heat up some food when they fall in the door late from work - just do it. That's not a sexist comment, it applies to whoever is being supported in a lovely lifestyle by someone who is willingly working their socks off to provide it.

Merryhobnobs · 22/09/2023 09:01

I get it, I work part time and take on the bulk of the kid stuff. But it makes life infinitely easier and more enjoyable for us all if on the 2 busiest days I have something prepped that can be easily warmed up. I tend to cook something extra on the day I have more time at home for this. The Bored of Lunch slow cooker book has some great ideas. Also you could make something eg. lasagne and then freeze it into portions for days like this. I want to make the busy evening easier so I and husband both get some time to see kids/relax.

BeeDavis · 22/09/2023 09:06

Honestly if my husband earned that kind of salary I’d be cooking him more than a pizza 😂 I work full time and still make a nice tea for us all to have. A frozen pizza isn’t really too much to ask.

JudgeRudy · 22/09/2023 09:07

I do actually get it, though whether you're being unreasonable or not is a different matter. It's not the 5/10 mins of 'work'..its the 'being on call' bit, so whether or not he wants a pizza there's still the possibility so ensually you're 'on duty' every evening.
I think it's a small price to pay for an otherwise enviable lifestyle. You need to re-frame it so that you feel like on the nights you don't actively cook you feel like you're knocking off early, or maybe agree that it's his responsibility on these occasions to feed himself...but jump in and take over because you love him. That way you're giving rather than feeling he can take.
Just a thought

LolaSmiles · 22/09/2023 09:07

Premium Mumsnet to say that cooking a casserole is easier than putting a pizza in 🤣

It is! You just throw it in the pot and go.

If you meal plan for the month, prep your veg into nicely organised freezer bags, make your casserole seasoning in bulk pouches and store them in the cupboard then when you need a quick, tasty and time-saving dinner you're ready to go for no effort.

Pizza seems lazy when there's an easy way to have a nutritious meal.

(I'm joking by the way and also think the thread might be a windup)

SurprisedWithAHorse · 22/09/2023 09:08

People like this do exist but a) their husbands will have dinner while out entertaining clients all evening b) they do have some stuff to do before lunchtime if their kids are at school and c) they don't use phrases such as "I have to get off my arse" and "I can't be bothered" - would you say that if you were trying to justify not doing something?

IncompleteSenten · 22/09/2023 09:12

Well, it's either a troll or a twat. Take your pick. 🤷

FiveShelties · 22/09/2023 09:13

Great effort 8/10.😂

Tess3 · 22/09/2023 09:14

LTB.. DIVORCE HIM !! Let some other lovely lady snap this gem up!!
I jest OP, but seriously you're being absolutely unreasonable.