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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2023 07:11

I am chronically ill. I don’t always manage to make my dh food but I do have back up things for him. If there is left over food from cooking, I can freeze it and I would do this, plate it up on pizza days. Or you could make him a big salad on pizza days (eg lettuce with cheese, chorizo, smoked salmon, olives, tomatoes, avocado, artichoke, hard boiled egg etc) and a couple of slices of cold pizza. That takes about 10 mins as long as you have the ingredients to hand. Pizza nights with dd include lettuce! You could even batch cook a whole load of his favourite meal and freeze in portions. It isn’t hard. Or buy a gourmet ready made meal. Dh has tins of cassoulet he buys from France, which he loves and can heat up. Mind you, he doesn’t come home as late as your dh.

Custardslices · 22/09/2023 07:11

Employ a chef.

Believe this believe anything

justasking111 · 22/09/2023 07:12

Mangotango39 · 22/09/2023 01:45

Surely a wind up?!

Yep. There's a rash of them at the moment.

1AngelicFruitCake · 22/09/2023 07:12

Exactly!

Ny husband gets in after 9 twice a week. I work full time, im shattered but I know he appreciates it and I’d hate to think of him making his own tea as I’m sitting there.

IHopeThisFindsYouWell · 22/09/2023 07:19

Not sure if this is real or not. However it is sort of close-ish to our set up in that I work PT on a fraction of the income that DH does. He works out of the house and I WFH. We have young kids.

On the assumption it's real, yes you need to work as a team. If my DH is heading home for 8.30pm or so, he'll let me know. If I can (if I'm not wrestling a kid into bed or knee deep in laundry or something) I'll do my best to get some food sorted for him. If I'm out or busy and it's pizza he'll do it himself. If it's mega late and I'm in bed he'll do it himself.

Sitting on the sofa at 8.30pm (I wish - still sorting kids and housework usually!) then yes I'd put his pizza in the oven.

It's give and take - look after each other as a team, and value what each of you brings.

HenryCavillsWife · 22/09/2023 07:20

I'd throw a pizza in the oven at 9.30pm in return for hundreds of thousands of pounds a year. I'd do it for my DH and his salary is pitiful.

wildwestpioneer · 22/09/2023 07:22

I get we all have days we simply can't be arsed, or want to sit on the sofa all night, but yes, you are being unreasonable not to chuck a pizza in the oven and make him a cuppa.

Maireas · 22/09/2023 07:29

Custardslices · 22/09/2023 07:11

Employ a chef.

Believe this believe anything

I was just coming on to say tte same thing.

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/09/2023 07:30

This can’t be real

Maireas · 22/09/2023 07:31

Is this some sort of weird stealth brag? I can't fathom what the OP is trying to achieve here.

Hufflepods · 22/09/2023 07:33

My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

So 4 busy hours a day, compared to your husbands 13/14?

FancyFanny · 22/09/2023 07:34

This has to be the DH doing a reverse!

TheUsualChaos · 22/09/2023 07:40

Wow, this is a reverse surely?
I work long shifts on my work days and DH works full time. He still often sorts out some quick food for me when I get in late even though he's been working all day too and had to manage the childcare etc from 4.30 onwards. You sound really lazy OP.

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/09/2023 07:40

You DH earns "Hundreds of thousands" 😂

Maireas · 22/09/2023 07:42

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/09/2023 07:40

You DH earns "Hundreds of thousands" 😂

Maybe he works with hundreds and thousands. He's an ice cream van man.

TheaBrandt · 22/09/2023 07:43

I plate up what we had and just leave it in the microwave

Jitterybugs · 22/09/2023 07:45

I completely understand your point of view OP. You’re husband is a selfish bastard expecting you to make him something to eat at 9.30pm. Especially if it’s pizza. You could break a nail opening the packaging then you’d have to fit a manicure into your hectic lifestyle.

I’ve never been driven to say this before on MN but you absolutely should LTB !

RosesAndHellebores · 22/09/2023 07:46

Depends what you want out of life.
My DH is similar but 9.30 was every night and no way would he have wfh, done dinner and school runs.

We lived your world except I did all the domestic heavy lifting, because dh worked 7.30am to 9.30pm and usually Sundays - and I worked full time from when dd was 6 - because I like working and even then I gave him his dinner and talked to him when he got in.

He worked in a high pressure, competitive world. There were a lot of wives who lunched and talked about their children and moaned at their husbands. The husbands found solace elsewhere; the wives are bitterly divorced on the whole. At 50, not having done anything useful for 25 years, with older teens, they found themselves unemployable and living in smart terraces and semis, albeit London ones. Nowadays they talk about interior design l, tennis, their dc and their miserable divorced lives.

Get off your backside and be nice to your husband. The upsides are a long happy marriage, domestic comfort, a second home and plenty of paid help.

FFS

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 22/09/2023 07:48

This has to be a wind up ….if not you are absolutely bone idle

WhamBamThankU · 22/09/2023 07:50

Lol

FeetupTvon · 22/09/2023 07:52

Is this genuine? Surely not!
But if it is then yes, you are unreasonable but don’t feel that’s a strong enough word.

FeetupTvon · 22/09/2023 07:54

Not sure what him earning hundreds of thousands a year has to do with it.
He works longer hours than you is suffice.
Are you by any chance showing off? 🤣🤣

Ginmonkeyagain · 22/09/2023 07:54

Make him something he can easily heat up. Mr Monkey works late (like not back until 11pm) one or two evenings a week and I just make a one pot meal that he can just help himself to and heat up when he gets in.

IncompleteSenten · 22/09/2023 07:54

You're taking the piss right? This is a wind up?

StampOnTheGround · 22/09/2023 07:56

Cook a pizza? You're literally putting in the oven? He's been out all day, and you barely work, I think you could manage that.