To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

[FlamboMango]

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

I do think there is an element of willingness involved.

When I returned to work after DS, we planned the routine and agreed on set days where we would do pick ups. We are flexible if the other one has an important client meeting or an urgent deadline, but that’s what we agreed. Obviously it would make life a lot easier for DH if he didn’t need to do any of that, and when it’s an evening where DS isn’t cooperating and he logs back on later than planned, he does worry about how it looks to his associates. But my career is important to me and the alternative wouldn’t be possible without me changing jobs or us getting a nanny and neither of us really seeing DS in the week.

Many of the partners I know, their wives have become SAHMs after having children, even if they had a successful career beforehand, so it helps perpetuate the idea that partners don’t do any pick ups / evening care. There are also the older partners who think work must come first and it’s the woman’s work to do the evening care. But with the “younger” partners (DH is early 40s), they tend to be more hands on as parents so that’s where things are changing. We even considered doing shared parental but didn’t in the end because it didn’t make financial sense.

What has also helped is post covid life and wfh being routine. Very conscious either of our firms could follow the current trend of American firms and expect people to be in the office every day, but for now, we both wfh on one our pick up days, so that you’re logging off at 5.45pm rather than 5pm.

Conscious that my experience is just that - my own. But before DS, DH was the person who was in the office every night until 8pm at the earliest but since DS, he’s become more flexible. Hence why I think willingness is a huge factor.

this has got to be a wind up. i have no words other than piss off love

You sit on your arse the 3 days you're not at your little job - I'm sorry that having to walk into the kitchen for a few minutes to make dinner for the person who keeps you in this manner is such a terrible hardship (and before anyone comes on about sexism, I would say this if it were a woman coming in late as the breadwinner)

So you are basically living off this man and you can't even be bothered to make him dinner when he gets home. Entitled,lazy, selfish are just a few words that spring to mind.

You are one spoilt woman and most of all you are phenomenally lazy. You need to up your act before your husband realises this and another woman who appreciates him comes on the scene

I wonder what the husband gets out of this, not a lot by the sounds of it. I work full time, clean my own home, walk my own dogs and j would still get up and Chuck a pizza in the oven if DH was working that late. I’d do it because we are a team and he would do (and has done many times) the same for me.

Not really talking effort-wise. Yes, it's not much effort. But most men don't GAF about these sorts of things and especially not enough to post about it on MN.😄

Sorry but you need to get up and heat up your husbands dinner because he provides everything and supports you with the kids when your at work.

On £350K (yes I looked) why don't you have a housekeeper? Then you wouldn't have to cook anything for anyone.

Your taking the Piss

Entitled or what?

You sound lovely, one of the few on here who might be able to relate to me. D'you mind of I pop into your thread to ask you a question, sister to sister?? I have three multi millionaire lovers each of whom is marvellous in bed. They all adore being asked to babysit my DCs, the two teenage supermodels and the twins, who are about to go to Oxbridge aged 11.
My DDDhubby, who is also a millionaire of course, is so pleased for me, but sometimes he begs to be allowed to cook for me as often as my lovers do. I don't enjoy his cooking so really don't want him to. Am I -
oh sorry, must dash, some pigs have just flown past the window and I want to film them for my insta....

Well the thread has gone a bit weird.

I’m sure the OP doesn’t ‘sit in her arse the entire time she not working in her little job’

Nasty - lots of jealousy.
Also, why are people now making up what her DH’s job is, stating exactly how much her earns, and querying why he’s working evenings.

Total madness.

Wow! You do nothing. If you're only working 2 days, why on earth do you need a cleaner and a dog walker?? Your husband is basically working his A off for you to sit around complaining that you have to move a pizza into an oven and set a timer?! Unless you're blowing hot air onto the pizza to cook it?! You need a reality check and gratitude for your husband. I work 5 days a week, make about a quarter what my husband makes in his 5 day week and I do all the cooking, cleaning, dog walking and child care so that we can sit down together when he gets home. I'd never think to complain for a moment that he wanted some dinner cooked after being out all day. Not only are you being unreasonable, you're being selfish, and I truly hope the responses to your post make you realise how good you've got it.

Some of us work full time, look after our kids, do all general house stuff AND cook. 🤣

I mean, she admits that she doesn’t do much when she’s not working, and it’s only after picking up the children that she gets busy…

Her previous threads have revealed how much her husband earns.

Her previous threads have revealed how much her husband earns.

ah ok. Thanks for the heads up on that.
I do find it strange that people are searching previous threads.

Usually it’s when someone posts something unbelievable so posters often search previous threads to show the OP is talking nonsense.

It can be helpful to do an advanced search when reading such an unbelievable post.

Because she's posted before

I work 5 days a week, make about a quarter what my husband makes in his 5 day week and I do all the cooking, cleaning, dog walking and child care so that we can sit down together when he gets home. I'd never think to complain for a moment that he wanted some dinner cooked after being out all day

@Wooze Whoa! At least in the 1950s, most women were SAHM, not doing everything and holding down a fulltime job. Is this a lifestyle you recommend for everyone?

Looked at what?

Surely this isn’t real ? Your husband is the wage earner , sounds like he earns lots and that means you barely have to work ( and if he’s on hundreds of thousands then you could probably actually do without your job that pays for 2 shops per month ?!) , yet when you do work, he does dinner etc whilst he’s still actually working , he provides you with a lovely life by the sounds of it and yet you are moaning about putting a pizza in the oven at 2130??

Most would dream of your life ! If I had that kind of life I would happily have a full cooked meal on the table waiting for him when he got home!

So , yes - YABU

This has got to be a wind-up.

I really thought your husband was going to be a selfish pig who treats you like the hired help.

Why not put it on the oven earlier so it's ready when he walks through the door?

She's not living off her husband, she's bringing up his kids, allowing him to concentrate on his career