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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not get up and do DHs dinner when he gets in

380 replies

FlamboMango · 22/09/2023 01:14

Full disclosure, I have a lovely life. I work 2 days but the rest of the time am at home, school aged children, cleaner and dog walker, no financial worries. I earn a pittance and on my working days DH does dinner, school runs, activities whilst trying to WFH. DH earns hundreds of thousands a year and supports our lifestyle 100%, my salary basically buys 2 food shops a month.

Weds and Thurs are DHs client days, so he goes into office then entertains clients after. Often home late those days but always wants to eat dinner. I generally cook and plate his up then he when he gets in I get up, make him a cup of tea, heat his dinner up.

Tonight we had pizza so I had to get off my arse at 21.30 when he got in and cook a pizza. I can’t be bothered. My days are very restful but the afternoons - school
runs, dinner, activities, hustling kids to shower and teeth clean, packed lunches, cleaning kitchen, bed time etc…. By 8pm when I’m sitting down I want to stay sitting down not get up and cook pizza.

AIBU to say if he gets in after 830
he heats up his own tea and I don’t have to move?

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 22/09/2023 19:06

Winifredduck · 22/09/2023 11:45

Why does how much he earns have anything to do with it??
He spends his afternoon/evenings 'entertaining clients' eg drinking/ playing golf. Surely, he'd be more worthy of a hot meal if he'd been working as a paramedic/sweeping the streets/working in an amazon wearhouse all day.

The fact that he works FT and the OP works 2 days even though her kids are at school is the point.

Entertaining clients is hard work FYI, but the answer would be the same if he were sweeping the streets - given the division of labour it is fair enough she makes dinner at 8.30pm. As she says, he sorts the kids on her working days.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/09/2023 19:07

I don't think this is a reverse. I think it's a poster who wanted to prove that however cushy a life a married woman has, MN will say the husband is being unreasonable if he expects her to do the slightest thing, because we're all man-hating vipers.

Unfortunately it has very much not proved his her point.

cuddlebear · 22/09/2023 19:08

When you said about how you get up and cook for him when he gets back from entertaining clients after work, I thought you meant you were getting out of bed at like midnight to do it and I was going to say YANBU, don't be such a surrendered wife.

I didn't realise by "getting up" you meant getting your arse off the sofa!!

Come on, this has to be a wind up?

Soubriquet · 22/09/2023 19:10

Normally, I’m an advocate for SAHM to not wait on their dh’s hand and feet but from what you’re describing you’re being majorly unreasonable.

It wouldn’t take you long to warm up some food. Just make sure you have enough from earlier and heat it up.

so YABU

cuddlebear · 22/09/2023 19:12

I just did an advance search and it looks like OP is legit - which is quite scary.

Maireas · 22/09/2023 19:12

cuddlebear · 22/09/2023 19:12

I just did an advance search and it looks like OP is legit - which is quite scary.

In what way "legit"? It's odd posting at 1.14am then not returning at all, though.

WhatdidIdoyesterday · 22/09/2023 19:16

If I was your DH I would be wondering why you've become so lazy. Or I'd make my own dinners and stop respecting you.

My DH is a sahp at the moment and I expect him to cook so that I can spend time with the DC when I get home from work. If I'm later home then he leaves food in the oven. Its daft to cook twice every evening, will increase your bills and create resentment all round.

slobro · 22/09/2023 19:30

I am absolutely all for not waiting on your DH just because he's the higher earner, but in these circumstances I'd absolutely be doing it. And I never cook! If I was him I'd be getting a takeaway though 😀

truthhurts23 · 22/09/2023 23:25

if this is a reverse OP
I'm single and I make pizzas from scratch ..

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/09/2023 00:20

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/09/2023 19:07

I don't think this is a reverse. I think it's a poster who wanted to prove that however cushy a life a married woman has, MN will say the husband is being unreasonable if he expects her to do the slightest thing, because we're all man-hating vipers.

Unfortunately it has very much not proved his her point.

I'm ALWAYS the man-hating viper and I called reverse. This one was just that step too far. Even I couldn't stomach it.

I think, personal theory, that women who are happily married to lovely men are more likely to be accused of being man-hating vipers because we know men can in fact be nice, hard-working, good dads who do housework and are lovely. We don't give the dickheads any leeway.

WaitTheNoo · 23/09/2023 06:21

If my DH was earning multiple hundred Ks allowing me that kind of lifestyle you'd bet I'd be up cooking him a pizza. I'd be up dancing him an irish jig if that's what he wanted as well 😂.

YABU

Aprilx · 23/09/2023 06:31

coxesorangepippin · 22/09/2023 02:27

Make a casserole earlier in the day, easier to just ping in the microwave once he arrives??

Is that really all that easier than getting up to put a pizza in the oven? Confused

Catsmere · 23/09/2023 06:38

RosieMilkJug · 22/09/2023 07:05

How beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterwards. Spanish proverb.

That's my cats' rule of life! 😸😸

Northernladdette · 23/09/2023 22:17

Haven’t read any replies, but wind up 💯😂

JRM17 · 23/09/2023 22:28

FML show him this post and when he divorces your lazy ungrateful arse send him my way. Some of us work horrendous shifts 60hrs a week missing out on precious time with our children because we have to to keep a roof over our heads. You are a disgusting, disgraceful human.

MamskiBell · 23/09/2023 22:43

I smell bull 💩 with this post. Clearly a made up post to create ructions coz no one would genuinely thinking whacking a pizza in the oven , after a hard day of f**k all is an arduous and unreasonable task. Definitely a wind up post.

DevonMum123 · 23/09/2023 22:44

Is it just me or anyone else seeing this is passed off husband posting after his wife didn't cook his pizza?
He is now showing her all the replies 😉

JudgeJ · 23/09/2023 23:19

TheVofR · 22/09/2023 02:55

LTB 😂
(oh come on, someone has to say it)

That would be my advice to the husband!

Snazzysausage · 23/09/2023 23:20

Methinks the OP is suffering from chronic idleitis🙄

Screamingabdabz · 23/09/2023 23:33

No amount of high salary enslaves a woman to have to cook for her male partner on demand. Fuck that. They are a family. His money is their money. He’s not employing her.

Pandajane · 23/09/2023 23:39

This is a wind up right?

ladydoe · 23/09/2023 23:47

Not a real post

Private1980 · 23/09/2023 23:47

This can't be for real or you can't be for real I know how exhausting it can be after picking kids up after school it's like boom everything has to be done one after another come 8 o'clock you are knackered but if Mt husband did and earned what your husband does for you then on those odd nights he's late in I definitely would not be cooking him a pizza I'd make him a good hearty meal and still do the dishes and make him a brew for after. You can't have just the good you have to take the odd bad day to be honest you just sound spoilt

NMOB · 23/09/2023 23:48

No you are not being unreasonable.
When you are at home with the kids you are working, it’s totally understandable that you are tired by 8.30pm - it’s a tiring job & 8.30pm is wind down/pass out time.
Re-heating a dinner when you come in from work is definitely manageable for your DP.
it sounds like you have a fairly even split of responsibilities & you have a DH who respects you enough to do his share. I’m hoping he’d be mortified that you feel obliged to heat up his dinner !
I am baffled that anyone thinks otherwise to be honest.

PeggyPiglet · 23/09/2023 23:53

I don't understand some of the attitudes here.
So because her DH earns loads of money she needs to do everything for him?

Is that how it works in modern day life? I earn less than my DH so do I need to make sure his dinner is ready because he pays for more?

Am I misunderstanding something here?