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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there is a sub-class of people in our society

342 replies

bluewanda · 21/09/2023 21:27

Baby boy died in 'filthy' home with 'traces of cocaine in his system'

https://mol.im/a/12545263

What the hell is wrong with these people. How the fuck can they subject an innocent baby to such a horrific life?! These children should be removed at birth because they don’t stand a chance. It is so utterly depressing.

Baby boy died in 'filthy' home with 'traces of cocaine in his system'

Little Grant John Storey-Delaney died while in his baby bouncer at his Rochdale home. He was found 'turning grey' by his mother Sophie Riley with a blanket over his face

https://mol.im/a/12545263

OP posts:
MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:33

T1mumtobe · 21/09/2023 23:22

Exactly. You have hit the nail on the head.

The kids who survive this kind of parenting, often start committing crimes in teenage years and everyone quickly screams "lock them up" and talks about them like they're subhuman, even though 5 years earlier they'd have offered unlimited sympathy. It's depressing as fuck and absolutely a societal problem, these issues are worse in societies with higher levels of inequality but people talk like nothing could be done? You just don't want to have to contribute towards the cost of it.

OK it's a societal problem, so when do we accept its the society these people come from's problem and they have to change? Rather than saying 'tax payers have to pay more'? 'Give them more money in benefits, pay for more activities and schemes in their area, if you don't do that, it's YOUR fault when things go wrong'

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 23:34

Oh give it a rest FFS. Subclass doesn't in any way equate to Subhuman.

Plenty of people have explained what subclass means to them. No need to go all mardy.

BMW6 · 21/09/2023 23:35

Can we just call them Trash?

Ap24 · 21/09/2023 23:37

I wish people would stop making excuses for this behaviour. I was bought up in an abusive and neglectful household. I was homeless at 16 and had to start working full time. I also abused drugs and alcohol for a time and hung around with some awful people. By some of your standards I'm some victim who is too thick to know any better. You can stick your patronising, pitying opinions.

My mother knew better, all of these abusers know better. You can tell because they lie about it, and they make their children lie. If they thought there parenting was fine why would they cover it up?

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:37

GarlicGrace · 21/09/2023 23:30

Agreed. I can't read the whole thread, there are too many vicious, smug & supercilious posts not to mention a few nice bits of victim-blaming.

I've known a fair few people who simply don't cope. I'm not that great at coping myself, but I'm thinking of people that have only ever known a life among violence so, naturally, they assume all life is violence and carry on that way. People who were profoundly neglected and abused as children, genuinely have no idea what a safe & loving family environment is like, and have taken refuge in drug abuse since childhood. I knew a generally very sweet, intelligent woman who, in her thirties, has had all five of her children removed as babies. She's a heroin addict with a controlling boyfriend.

I don't think there is "an answer" but I am sure that reductions in social resources lead to increases in problem people who can't find their way through.

Many experts have pointed out that, if we could eliminate child abuse, we'd get close to eliminating crime. There have never been sufficient resources to eliminate child abuse.

So this wonderful woman, so sweet and intelligent has managed to be so neglectful/abusive she's had 5 children removed... but of course not her fault!.

Thisweeksname · 21/09/2023 23:37

There is a subclass for sure! I don’t know why people make excuses for these lowlifes “poverty” “lack of education”. There are many of us who grew up in poverty who didn’t turn out like scum. Some people are just vile scum. It’s not society’s fault. A shite parent is a shite parent. The problem is that nobody ever takes responsibility for their own actions, it’s always someone else’s fault.

Whatsmyusername1235 · 21/09/2023 23:40

@HopefulElle ❤️

BertieBotts · 21/09/2023 23:43

Many experts have pointed out that, if we could eliminate child abuse, we'd get close to eliminating crime. There have never been sufficient resources to eliminate child abuse.

Food for thought.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:43

Absolutely @Thisweeksname but as you can see the self righteous lot are here judging!

Livinginanotherworld · 21/09/2023 23:44

roarrfeckingroar · 21/09/2023 22:25

Compulsory sterilisation.

I’m afraid I agree with you, this would solve lots of problems, if they are not fit to bring up children and those children are not safe, then absolutely take away their ability to breed.

Livinginanotherworld · 21/09/2023 23:46

OnAFrolicOfMyOwn · 21/09/2023 22:26

That is very odd - typically, drug addicts on a low income won't spend on anything not absolutely necessary other than drugs. So you would not expect an overheated house in February.

Unless they need the excess heat to grow a certain plant ?

toomuchforonewoman · 21/09/2023 23:48

They are just sub STANDARD people. Vile, low, absolute dregs of humanity. Scumbags. Lowest level of life form.

GarlicGrace · 21/09/2023 23:50

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:37

So this wonderful woman, so sweet and intelligent has managed to be so neglectful/abusive she's had 5 children removed... but of course not her fault!.

She's a heroin addict, and smokes weed between shots. Her judgement isn't exactly great. I suspect her scary boyfriends rent her out. She attempts suicide every time SS take a baby away, even though she knows it's best for them.

Her life's absolutely fucked with little hope of getting better. Haven't seen her for two years, she might be dead now.

CCTVcity · 21/09/2023 23:54

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:37

So this wonderful woman, so sweet and intelligent has managed to be so neglectful/abusive she's had 5 children removed... but of course not her fault!.

Of course she’s had her children removed if she’s a heroin addict! How’s she supposed to care for children if she’s passed out with a needle in her arm. Nothings going to change if people don’t understand the actual problem.

Mountaineer0009 · 21/09/2023 23:55

it could be debated that you could have a perfect society and some will still turn to drugs, booze etc, obviously i know its more detailed than that but it seems with some people its a mix of perspectives.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 21/09/2023 23:56

BertieBotts · 21/09/2023 23:30

I think the vast majority of people wouldn't (couldn't) kill or neglect any child.

But I'm interested in this (just from a psychology angle) - do you mean that there is something about the people that you perceive to use MN, ("normal" people maybe?) maybe because you've interacted with them albeit only virtually, about me perhaps, about yourself, about any of the other posters on this thread - is there something fundamentally different about all of us, who are naturally horrified and upset by this news story, compared to the parents of this baby (and any other baby who has died from neglect)?

Is it a way of distancing yourself from this outcome, feeling like "that could never happen to me"? (That's understandable).

Do you feel like there are "good" and "bad" people in the world, and if so how does that work - are they choices that we make, are we just born randomly into one category or the other, does everyone start out good and some people become bad (or the other way around?) Is it something that happens to us, parenting, trauma, mental illness?

I'm curious as to what people think about this in general.

(This is not actually directed at the poster I quoted in general - but it was a good example of the mindset that I'm interested in.)

Oh ffs, do you feel good about yourself with your psychobabbble shite?
I said majority of mnetters as that's the platform we're on.
OK, the majority of PEOPLE would know not to kill/neglect their baby.
Yes.re good/bad.
Good-.don't kill/neglect/give child access to illegal drugs.
Bad- put their shitty self first.

Lolasgame · 22/09/2023 00:03

@Flickersy Finally someone who gets the bigger picture. Too many snobs giving themselves a pat on the back and being way too judgmental about things they don’t understand. Probably voted the monsters in who keep a knee on the neck of the underprivileged too.

Afterrain · 22/09/2023 00:09

I know people who were very poor from difficult backgrounds in the 1970s. All but one went on to make successful lives and had aspirations of a better life, become good citizens, achieve higher education. Some of whom are Consultants, barristers etc. Many of whom were brought up in tenements with shared bathrooms. Traditional manual jobs disappeared.
Poverty is not an excuse for poor choices or lack of education or humanity. Parents for generations have hoped that their children have better life outcomes than their poverty ridden lifestyles. They seek better educational outcomes.
Many struggled but sought to achieve and had hoped that off spring could overcome their background.
This has been the history of the working people of this country.
Sadly, I do believe that there those who do lack aspiration, self motivation and desire to do better for their future offspring.
I found this lack of aspiration lacking
They were use to available jobs without the prerequisite qualifications or experience needed in other parts of the country. In the intermediate years this geographical impasse has lessened.

.

bombastix · 22/09/2023 00:10

Mountaineer0009 · 21/09/2023 23:55

it could be debated that you could have a perfect society and some will still turn to drugs, booze etc, obviously i know its more detailed than that but it seems with some people its a mix of perspectives.

Drugs and alcohol are symptoms of other problems. Most addicts have psychological issues, or have had some sort of trauma. That is not to excuse. Addicts are pathetic people.

The issue is rather like domestic violence. Preventing violent men from being in a domestic environment would change society, if every man that beat his partner or his children went to prison and could not see his children you would a good chance of changing this. If this man could not see those children and mess them up and bully the mother so she teaches her children that they can be victims, it would change things.

Our society is too permissive about domestic abuse. Change that, you will change society.

BertieBotts · 22/09/2023 00:10

OK so what makes someone good or bad? Just born that way or made? (Maybe it doesn't matter?)

What should happen to the bad people? If you had a magic/all-powerful solution. What about a realistic/practical solution - could you identify them early before they hurt anyone?

If you managed to get rid of all the bad people, would there be more bad people that came to take their place? Do you think there will always be a certain percentage of people who are just bad/evil? Like if you got rid of the worst 1% then the people occupying the 2% slot would get worse? Or would it be gone because there's a clear line and it's not muddy.

I'm not trying to make myself feel anything, I'm just interested, having a discussion, because clearly not everyone sees things in the same way. Actually most people seem to have the good people / bad people viewpoint so I was just wondering how different people see that as working.

WandaWonder · 22/09/2023 00:12

Yes there is, but not sure it is, generally not saying on here or not, assumed it is just with people sat around lazy on welfare

Sometimes, the middle classes/'rich' are more creative at hiding it

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 22/09/2023 00:17

MumblesParty · 21/09/2023 23:32

I’m pretty sure that however poor I was I wouldn’t be giving a baby cannabis and cocaine

Read the article, she didn't dose the child, the drug traces are from incidental contamination of his food.

bombastix · 22/09/2023 00:20

@BertieBotts - cannot tell you exactly but I can tell you a very good sign. That is violent or aggressive conduct. Literally the surest sign ever that a person has problems. Irrespective of sex or class, that one.

oakleaffy · 22/09/2023 00:23

Feral class
Living outside the law , feckless, couldn’t give a toss about anything but their own needs and wants
Kids need taking away asap from parents like these- To save their lives.

Pandering to the parents isn’t on.

Kids lives matter.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 22/09/2023 00:27

Pollyputhekettleon · 21/09/2023 23:10

What I said is true. Read it as many times as you need to and/or look it up. The education system needs a massive overhaul until people understand basic statistical concepts.

Most of the first page results in DuckDuckGo for "is there a correlation between poverty and abuse" are multiple links to "The Relationship Between Poverty and Child Abuse and Neglect: New Evidence" co-written by clinicians at Tavistock and Portland. You know, the people who have been giving puberty blockers to children. The education needs a massive overhaul until people learn to check whether a source is reliable. A source that does not value child safeguarding highly enough to keep mentally-unwell and traumatised children off experimental medication is not a source that I trust about anything safeguarding-related.

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