To think I can live and support two dc on £20k per year?

[Velvetgarlic]

I am desperate to leave my marriage.

If I divorce my DH we would probably have around £250k each from the sale of our house. I would have to spend practically all of that on a house/flat for me and the dc (teen boy and girl so we need 3 bedrooms).

My DH earns around £40k per year. I get around £1400 net pay per month. Would that be enough for everything? Sorry, I know each situation is individual, but I was just wondering if other people out there were in similar situations and had made it work.

Just at the start of this journey and feeling daunted!

Oh and I bloody "work hard" too in a full time role, as do many other people who are on low wages.

I work FT on £23k a year. I have a 4 year old and child support. I still struggle a lot. I can make it though the month (just about). No luxuries. I’m not even sure why it’s so difficult, but the bills just add up. I always have a mid-month panic until the child benefit comes in and I realise I have a chance of making it!

I earned less, but seemed to afford more years ago!

However, leaving my ex was worth it. I’d give up any amount of money to start living my life free.

I'm a single parent of 3 with no child maintenance payments and earn 20k a year. I get UC top ups and child benefit. The only reason I can afford to live off that is because I don't have to pay childcare anymore due to working school hours. I pay my mortgage, run a car and the kids all have a hobby each so it is doable. No pets, no holidays, no/free days out, no takeaways or eating out, no hair/makeup/etc for me, second hand clothes, batch cooking, cheap phone, no sky/netflix/etc and only treats on birthdays and Christmas

@ASCCM

This quite the most bonkers thing I have ever read.

So you work in a job and pay tax and NI of several thousand a year for the guts of 15-20 years.

Then at a point whenever you and your children’s economic stability, social standing and wealth building going forward is in jeopardy…

You somehow get this idea that it is inappropriate for you to be entitled to the money that you have paid in?!

Utterly bananas. Pineapples and Mangos too.

don't forget fruit loops, and lemons, so many lovely bitter lemons to suck on 😅😅😂

@ASCCM

In this situation it is especially appropriate for the OP to claim.

She has two children with SEN, their lives are going to be turned upside down by this and it is likely there will be exacerbation of their symptoms. The last thing OP needs to be doing is working excessive hours and abandoning her kids because she wants to be a martyr! Especially when a large chunk of the extra money will be going to Tax/NI/pension and so forth. Lunacy.

Disability benefits are paid on the basis that it levels the playing field between disabled and non-disabled people. So that disabled people can achieve their potential and be LESS of a burden on the benefits system in the long term.

Giving her interim money to escape an abusive marriage and care for her vulnerable children herself without farming them out is money well spent.

Benefits are there for this exact reason. They absolutely are the answer. This is why we all pay taxes - to support each other in our time of need. The exact same thing could happen to any of us r any time.

Of course OP won't be "reliant" on them for ever, or even very long. But they enable people to leave abusive relationships. Thank goodness we have them. It is a privilege not to need them.

If you're not paying rent because you own then you should be ok. It might be tight for awhile, but your DC are old enough to choose whether they want to see their father 50/50 and if they choose not to he will have to pay you maintenance regardless of whether he WANTS them 50/50.

And hopefully you will find that once you are all in a calm and loving environment then you will get your energy back and will be able to have the strength, time and energy to focus on your career and increase your income.

Single mum here. You will be entitled to some UC if you have a mortgage or if you own the house outright. They just don't pay towards housing costs unless you rent.

As your children are teens it would be worth seeing if you can increase your income or work full time , because in a few years your UC and child maintenance will stop.

what are her choices then?

You would get about £160 per week on top of your salary in UC

Yours sounds like a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face. You should have claimed as you were entitled to help.

I can only speak from my experience, and I am £500 a month more than you and got £600 a month in Maintainence and life was a struggle. Doable but struggle.

Oh, and I have one child not 2

University isn’t FT education. This refers to being in school or at a college. CMS doesn’t apply to university students. They can ask for parental support and even sue for it. But it’s not the same thing.

Did you have a big mortgage or something?

You're talking about £2,500 per month, net. That's the equivalent of a £40,000+ salary.

No, I’d actually discounted the housing costs from out of that. And it was still a struggle. I guess it depends what you are used to

@NameandShame

I guess it depends what you are used to

Quite.

I'm not sure I can equate the equivalent of a £40k+ salary and no housing costs to deduct with life being "a struggle". But there you go...

That's a massive amount of money if it doesn't include housing. Sounds like you're not very good at budgeting!

I think £1400 ( plus child benefit or not?) with no housing costs is tight but doable, we'll assume no maintenance but at 13 and 16 where they want to live will be taken into account so ex desire for 50/50 may not work so some maintenance may be due.
1400 is net
so council tax with 25% single person discount around £175
heating and water £200-250 per month, broadband and 3 mobile phone SIM packages £60, Tv licence and netflix £22, house insurance 35 car insurance 35 car fuel 70 food, laundry and toiletries £400 total = £1047
annual expenditure on car maintence service MOT new tyres etc 250, clothes 300 x 3per person = 900, birthday presents 300 Christmas including extra food 500, allowance for haircuts etc 200, allowance for day trips, takeaways and treats £500, pocket money for kids at £25 per month each £600, school expenses £200 per child = £400 , house maintenance £500 total £4150 or setting aside £346 per month
1047 + 346= £1392 so basically absolutely nothing spare
if OP gets £250,000 as share of house she is looking at a house at about £225,000 to allow for fees moving buying new furniture and setting aside £6000 as an emergency fund ( the max she can have if she claims UC

so £1400 is tight very tight but liveable even allowing for a few treats
but if she gets child benefit on top that is an extra £30 per week or £1560 a year some child maintenance or UC or DLA etc

OP you can absolutely rely on benefit top ups until you're able to get yourself into a better situation or both children are adults and they are exactly what benefits are there for - people in desperate situations. Use a benefits calculator to see what you'd be entitled to.

If you've no mortgage and with benefit top ups it should be doable although there won't be much room for luxuries.