To think I can live and support two dc on £20k per year?

[Velvetgarlic]

I am desperate to leave my marriage.

If I divorce my DH we would probably have around £250k each from the sale of our house. I would have to spend practically all of that on a house/flat for me and the dc (teen boy and girl so we need 3 bedrooms).

My DH earns around £40k per year. I get around £1400 net pay per month. Would that be enough for everything? Sorry, I know each situation is individual, but I was just wondering if other people out there were in similar situations and had made it work.

Just at the start of this journey and feeling daunted!

@Velvetgarlic i think it’s doable without a mortgage. I think you’d have to budget and keep your outgoings low but definitely doable. You want to leave your husband and that will be your driving force to make it work. Good luck, you can do this.

@Velvetgarlic if your DC are SEN, then depending on how it impacts them you could apply for DLA for the 13 year old, and PIP for the 16 year old. Neither of those benefits are means tested, and should make a significant difference.

My total income is about 1600 pcm. I have 2 teens. My rent is 800
It's very very very tight. I'm in debt.

1400 with no housing costs sounds like untold riches to me! But that's based on my current lifestyle. I don't drive, dc don't have hobbies that cost money. We walk to most places. They've stopped growing so don't need new clothes very often.

I think it would be possible. You might be eligible for some UC. Good luck. I'd rather be skint and single than stay in an abusive relationship.

Do not listen to @ASCCM terrible advice. Poor OP is desperate to leave her marriage and you're moaning about her potentially needing to claim UC to get on her feet. OP is perfectly to claim if that's what she needs to do!

It's doable OP plenty of people live on less. Many people don't even earn 40k.

Are you not getting UC?

What? And living in an abusive relationship should be a lifestyle choice?
This is exactly what benefits are for.

OP, please don’t take this on board.

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins your figures don't sound right. Total income £1400? I'm a single mum working part time I have 2 jobs and I take home a little more than that sometimes and that's just my salary from work. I get UC and CB too.

Do you have a mortgage?

I'd have thought it's quite doable, OP, if you don't have the burden of any existing debt to contend with or specific, unusual outgoings?

A very vague/rough estimate:

Salary + child benefit = £1,570 income

Outgoings:
Council tax £130
Gas/elec £150
Water £25
TV £15
Phone/BB £30
Home ins. £25
Food/toiletries £350?

Would leave you roughly £850 p/month for clothes, transport, and everything else, if the above figures are anywhere near reasonable for you.

Yes my figures are correct.

@Uggtrending I didn't say my income was 1400, I said 1600. No I don't have a mortgage, hence I mentioned my rent.

And if you wanted to take a small mortgage to keep some money back rather than all of it going into buying a home outright, you can borrow £30k for £200 p/month over 20 years.

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins sorry I typed wrongly. I have 1 child less than you so wondered if something is missing off your claim. As I'm just 1 adult 1 child. It doesn't sound right. When I first started my job I think I earned around £830 and I got similar to your figure but thats for 2 people and my rent is a lot less than yours though.

@Uggtrending My reply was overly grumpy. Sorry.

Sadly nothing is missing. I was signed off work sick for mh reasons. Haven't been able to go back, although am starting to look at applying in the near future.

However UC (or whoever it is that deals with PIP/ESA/LCWRA) decided I wasn't ill enough to qualify for any extra money. So I'm on literally the lowest rate possible. The benefit cap plus losing some for CT debt that my ex left me in means I have even less than the government say I "need" . Luckily I'm frugal and no-one has expensive hobbies/ likes Designer clothes!

If he has been abusive and the DC are unhappy would they even want to live 50:50 with him?

At their ages their opinions will be taken into account as is earning potential.

Thanks so much everyone - the pps who have researched estimates of what I might be entitled to, plus estimates of my outgoings - it's all been so helpful.

I have taken on board the advice to apply for DLA/PIP for the children which I haven't yet done.

Thanks to those who are in similar situations and have said that it is doable - I feel more hopeful now!

Ask for the DLA/PIP forms now - you have a while to complete them but if you’re successful in claiming then it’ll be backdated to when you requested. I have found recently that with NHS backlogs and lack of school resources, lack of evidence or waiting for an assessment is taken more into consideration than it used to be. The big benefit of DLA is the extra components of universal credit, COL payments and other extras. If you prioritise anything it should be this.

As PP have said, 50/50 as a default isn't necessarily going to be the reality, especially if the children are being treated poorly by him they may vote with their feet.

@Velvetgarlic this will be so worthwhile.

Google “fill in PIP/DLA form” there will be lots of guides online from CA and disability charities. They explain the descriptors and how you are supposed to communicate the needs of your children (ie including multiple specific examples not just saying they struggle a bit). I include much more info than the boxes allow (on separate pages) and include all the reports. Mobility can be things like they have difficulty perceiving danger so need to be accompanied (taking things literally/not being able to perceive traffic risks/no stranger danger). The SEN boards on here are full of advice as well.

When your kids go to college/Uni it makes a difference as they will be entitled to extra support/special grants on account of the disability benefit. And protects them from discrimination, ensures they get their needs met wherever they go.

I think you will be fine either way, but as I said before if you get their disability benefits sorted you will have more coming in than DH and they deserve it to put them on more of an equal footing to NT kids with no disability.

I would recommend setting up savings accounts in trust in your children’s names that the DLA/PIP/any other money you want can go into. Otherwise you well end up almost going over the 5k savings threshold on a regular basis.

You can have up to 6k in a savings account in your name and up to 3k in each of the kids accounts without it affecting benefits as far as I know.

Junior ISAs, refresh of your car, essential household items such as a new bed might be ways of dealing with a lump sum you get via divorce settlement if it is liable to upset your regular income.

Hahah I got divorced and made it happen for myself. I didn’t need benefits because I worked hard and got it all for myself. I didn’t have enough money to buy a house outright like the OP. The OP asked and she has lots of other avenues before needing to rely on benefits ( increasing work etc) and if people didn’t make it as a lifestyle choice ( which many many people do) then the system wouldn’t be so stretched or broken.

You fuck off. She still has choices. I’m assuming she isn’t a a rude as you!

@ASCCM you don't sound like a very nice person

Why? Because I don’t just think everyone should claim benefits and not explore other avenues? I’ve given the OP loads of practical advice as to things to investigate and explore. I’ve clarified she should absolutely leave. That benefits are there once all
avenues are exhausted but she might have other options?

someone told me to fuck of because I don’t think the default should be benefits?? I’m not sure how I’m the bad guy!

@ASCCM you lack awareness for a start. Pause and have a little think as to why a poster has told you to F off. Quite frankly you deserve that and more.

I’ve been in exactly her situation so I’m not entirely sure how I lack awareness but you crack on making me the bad guy to fit your twisted narrative!

Those other options take time though and she needs to go a.s.a.p.
Benefits are absolutely appropriate here, until she gets herself on her feet.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to get paid a high enough wage not to need benefits. You can't just walk in and ask your employer for a £10k pay rise. I have claimed benefits as a single mum for 15 years while working because companies don't pay enough to live on.

With no housing costs you'll be fine.

Keep just under £6k in cash so it doesn't reduce UC for emergencies.

If you drive buy a car outright out of the £250k rather than paying PCP.

Clear any debts.