To think I can live and support two dc on £20k per year?

[Velvetgarlic]

I am desperate to leave my marriage.

If I divorce my DH we would probably have around £250k each from the sale of our house. I would have to spend practically all of that on a house/flat for me and the dc (teen boy and girl so we need 3 bedrooms).

My DH earns around £40k per year. I get around £1400 net pay per month. Would that be enough for everything? Sorry, I know each situation is individual, but I was just wondering if other people out there were in similar situations and had made it work.

Just at the start of this journey and feeling daunted!

ODFOD. Not being abused in not s lifestyle choice ffs.
I so hope people like you have to rely on welfare at some point, it might shut your stingy mouths.

I currently earn the exact same as you. I also have 2 kids. If I didn't have a mortgage (which it sounds would be possible for you) I would be able to get buy ok without DH wage, just about. I wouldn't have savings or much if any left for any kind of extras or luxuries, but my bills would be paid and everyone fed. That's without the potential for UC top ups, child maintenance etc on top. So I think as long as you're in the Midlands or the north (which I'm assuming so, if you can afford a 3 bed property for under 250k!) You'd be ok for a while!

I only work 30hrs p/w so would definitely be looking at increasing my hours in the long term if this was my situation. Wonder if that would be possible for you? Or is it a minimum wage, already full time job? If so, could you apply for better paid jobs - do you have that as a possibility for the long term?

Sending you hugs.

You've got to remember, without another adult in the household, things will be cheaper. That's one less mouth to feed, one less person to clothe and your energy usage might go down too (less laundry in the washing machine, less hot water from showers)

You have mentioned that he is emotionally abusive, if he has been physically or financially abusive (and you can prove it) you can also be eligble for free legal aid which can be very useful if he becomes difficult during the divorce proceedings. If he has an abusive streak in general it's quite likely that he will try and make this as difficult as possible for you and it will then eat up a lot of your money/equity. Bring that up when you speak to a lawyer too.

Is your ex's £40k his part time wage, because, if so, he's not maximising his income. I'd look into applying for interim aliment/spousal maintenance until you are divorced. ( based on his £80k full time v you on £20k ).

Just to comment when you add that up it’s 21.5k a year… on top of your wage, plus you would get housing benefit (under UC) in the interim while you are awaiting sale of marital home/completion of purchase of new home.

OP I think you are going to be fine!

I think this is exactly the sort of situation benefits are intended for- to help someone who is struggling because of circumstances outside their control, namely an abusive partner. If he were less of an arsehole the OP wouldn’t need to leave, or would be leaving with a better career to support herself. OP shouldn’t suffer for his failings.

OP I just wanted to emphasise that if you haven’t looked into DLA for your children with SEN, you really should. There are various extra entitlements through universal credit where household members are in receipt of DLA.

When working out a budget you should also consider the ‘extras’ you can get if you claim UC- cheap broadband and water tariffs, discounts on days out etc etc.

Also, do you actually think the kids will want to stay with their dad half the time? Is he abusive to them as well? They are old enough to choose who they live with.

No mortgage here and we do fine on £15,000 a year (two teens as well). We still have treats and days out, and we're not in any debt.

Please don't take any notice of calculations that have been done, completely unrealistic. UC is actually very easy to work out for yourself, or join a Facebook group and use their pinned information to do so
Any equity in the property you live in is disregarded, ditto any savings under 6K. Monies from the sale of a previous home can be disregarded for up to six months as long as a new property is purchased. During this time Housing Costs Element can be claimed if necessary
Any spousal maintenance will be deducted pound for pound off any benefit entitlement so rarely worth claiming, not that your husband earns enough anyway. If you and your husband share care, he won't be paying child maintenance

@AmericasfavoritefightingFrenchman

yes this is 100% correct

OP I just wanted to emphasise that if you haven’t looked into DLA for your children with SEN, you really should. There are various extra entitlements through universal credit where household members are in receipt of DLA.

When working out a budget you should also consider the ‘extras’ you can get if you claim UC- cheap broadband and water tariffs, discounts on days out etc etc.

I’m sure you have a mountain of assessment reports, school reports etc to back up a DLA claim if you haven’t claimed already - there are guides online as to how to fill out the assessment, the 16yo would be PIP though and would need to see an assessor too.

If successful it increases UC etc, you would be entitled to apply to the family fund for grants for the kids and you get a free carer ticket to most places though it can be a faff - sometimes you have to register through the organisations scheme etc in addition to having the DLA paperwork, some better than others.

You will still be alright even if kids don’t get it. But I don’t see why you wouldn’t go this route, when all is taken into account you will have much more income than your DH.

Hopefully I might be entitled to some spousal maintenance.

You won't be

What would her option be then? Stay trapped in a marriage?

I get 19k one DC and pay a mortgage, so yes it's doable, but a lifestyle change.

Please don't take any notice of calculations that have been done, completely unrealistic. UC is actually very easy to work out for yourself

How are they unrealistic when they use the same govt websites the OP would use? I'm not saying they are exact, but as an estimate, they work quite well.

OP you will need to do your own calculations and contact citizens advice (see them face to face).

Obviously any income received depends on how comprehensively you fill out the forms and how many hoops you can jump through.

I would spend time researching and making you understand what you are due prior to leaving DH.

Start with the DLA/PIP/child benefit as you get all that even while with DH, and it is for the kids needs.

Turn2Us gives a very accurate overview of what you’re entitled to. Others have mentioned DLA but unless you’re in Scotland then your 16 year old would now be only entitled to PIP. And don’t listen to the benefit bashers, UC is there to help working families survive more than anything. It shit that working people have to get benefits to top up what used to be a liveable wage but that’s the reality at the moment. Certainly far better than living in an awful relationship.

Benefits are there to help someone like OP get back on their feet. Not the answer long term, no, but exactly right to "rely" on them while she works out how she will support herself/increase her income.

If you'd have no mortgage I'd say it's definitely doable.
It wouldn't be particularly lavish but i think you'd have enough money left after bills and food assuming you don't have any debt?

I would be very careful when using universal credit calculators. I’ve found them to be very inaccurate.

I have 1 child and including my earnings and UC top ups I get around £20k a year.
This includes any housing benefit.

If you own your own home then you’re likely to get less UC as you won’t get the housing element to it but that shouldn’t be an issue if you don’t have any mortgage.

Its definitely doable and if your H is going to have 50/50 custody then you may be able to work extra hours/train to get a better job.
The older they get the easier it is.
I’m currently doing my masters which will allow me to get a better paid job.

Anything is better than living in an abusive home.

Fuck off.

The woman is escaping an abusive relationship... that's not a lifestyle choice.

Leaving an abusive partner is not a "lifestyle choice". What the fuck is wrong with you?

Go for it. Claim as much benefits as you can and leave the marriage. Don't know why some are more bothered about benefits than your abusive husband.

Is that a moral judgement on whether OP should factor benefits entitlement into her financial calculations?

If so, absolutely irrelevant.

You absolutely will get benefits OP, you just won't get any housing allowance.

I was in a similar position and got about £600 a month Tax credits (obviously pre UC) despite having plenty of equity in my house.

They only count savings over £6k I think.

Use some of the online calculators and most importantly, get proper legal advice. Many family law firms will give 30 mins advice free to get you started.