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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To require a friend to wear a mask in house when she has a cold?

211 replies

Saboblue · 21/09/2023 13:26

I found out from another friend that she’d been slagging me off for making her wear a mask when she had a cold in my house. When she came round I simply said I’d rather not get a cold and asked her to put on the mask and opened the windows. She was very understanding and put the mask on. I thought nothing of it until I found out she was slagging me off about it when she seemed fine to put it on at the time. I’m pissed off about it because what have I said wrong? Why would I want your virus? Put a mask on when you’re ill and in someone’s house!!

OP posts:
Sisterpita · 21/09/2023 14:51

Motomum23 · 21/09/2023 13:28

You know masks don't work right? Just ask her not to come round when she's poorly.

Great the NHS can save a fortune no longer need for Drs etc to wear them as they don’t work.

Nicesalad · 21/09/2023 14:55

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 14:15

I’m surprised she actually put a mask on and stayed tbh. Like others have said, I would have left straight away if asked to do that.

Masks also aren’t effective against virus. A family GP likened it to using a picket fence to protect against sand blowing. The virus is too small to be shielded by a mask.

Stil better than no mask then. Stops a sneeze or cough from travelling so far!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 21/09/2023 14:55

Unless you have any underlying health issues I think it's a bit weird to ask someone to wear a mask in your house. However, I also think it's really rude to visit someone when you are unwell without letting them know first, so there is an option to cancel. I would probably have just opened the window and sat well away from her but I would have been annoyed that she hadn't let me know in advance, and I would have rearranged.

Bluesky85 · 21/09/2023 14:57

I wouldn’t ask a friend to wear a mask but also would prefer if they told me in advance that they weren’t feeling well.

However there is so much research that shows masks do work. No they don’t stop every single molecule from escaping, but they do trap a significant amount - surely that’s better than nothing?

Everanewbie · 21/09/2023 14:59

Sisterpita · 21/09/2023 14:51

Great the NHS can save a fortune no longer need for Drs etc to wear them as they don’t work.

Show quote history

Until the world went mad over covid, Drs never wore them unless trying to avoid contaminating an open wound site or to protect themselves from blood splatters. Now NHS trust managers mandate them without a clue about their effectiveness, its just a great box to tick to say "we're doing something"

pictoosh · 21/09/2023 15:02

I would comply with you because I'd feel put on the spot but it would be the fastest chat I ever had and I wouldn't come back. I'd far rather you ask me not to come in than make me wear a mask.

HateLongCovid · 21/09/2023 15:03

Mysonwontwash · 21/09/2023 14:13

I would probably comply to avoid an awkward situation but it would put me off being your friend.

Wow. I wouldn't want to be your friend if just donning a mask was too much effort for a friend. Confused

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 21/09/2023 15:03

Did you do this prior to Covid anytime anyone had a cold?

I get my flu vaccine done privately every year, because I've got family members with health conditions that a flu would floor. I also have a cold in a special school with other kids vulnerable to sickness whilst I am at uni, so I am happy to get my flu vaccine to limit the chance of causing one of my child's fellow schoolmates to get a horrible flu that I may have caught from uni. I would not visit someone's home if they expected me to wear a mask though. If they felt that strongly then I simply wouldn't go round at all, because I feel I've done my bit by getting my flu vaccine without being treated like a walking germ. And I'd probably remark on said friends attitude in passing if I'm honest. Especially if you never bothered expecting people to mask up before Covid times 🙄

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/09/2023 15:03

jlpth · 21/09/2023 14:26

She shouldn't have come round with a cold - she should have let you know in advance, to give you the option to reschedule. People seem to think a cold is no big deal - well, if you live alone and are young and healthy, then maybe it's no big deal. But I'd be pretty annoyed about it because my kids and dh would likely catch it and everyone would be snotty. Plus I wouldn't then be able to see my mum (immunosuppressed). People have stuff booked - holidays, theatre, whatever that they don't want marred by a cold. It seems really stupid of her to spread it when it's so avoidable.

Even if she's slagging you off, I wouldn't worry - many of the people she slags you off to won't want her cold either.

It's rude and dirty to spread respiratory illnesses without regard for anyone else.

Agree.

I'd have no problem asking her to mask up and use sanitiser.

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 15:04

Everanewbie · 21/09/2023 14:59

Until the world went mad over covid, Drs never wore them unless trying to avoid contaminating an open wound site or to protect themselves from blood splatters. Now NHS trust managers mandate them without a clue about their effectiveness, its just a great box to tick to say "we're doing something"

Show quote history

Agreed. They’ve bought into the hysteria. I had an ultrasound this year where I told the sonographer I would not be wearing a mask for several reasons. She then asked if I would be willing to put a paper towel over my face.

I complained, my complaint was upheld and an apology given.

HateLongCovid · 21/09/2023 15:05

Goodornot · 21/09/2023 14:28

Pre covid colds were just a fact of life. You will never avoid getting one especially so if you have children.

Covid made everyone so paranoid and abusive to each other and it's just awful to see.

I'd hardly call asking someone to wear a mask abusive! 😆

lastchancesalmon · 21/09/2023 15:06

It could be a good way to avoid the situation in the future - if it were me I wouldn't be visiting you again...

MariaVT65 · 21/09/2023 15:07

Nicesalad · 21/09/2023 14:55

Stil better than no mask then. Stops a sneeze or cough from travelling so far!

Show quote history

It’s still too much of an extreme reaction in my view though. People can’t expect never to get colds again. And as lots of PPs mention, many people work in environments where it’s inevitable.

RampantIvy · 21/09/2023 15:07

When I have a cold and need to blow my nose a lot a mask would be useless as I would have to frequently touch it to remove it and replace it. I don't visit people if I have a cold though.

Fizzology · 21/09/2023 15:10

SWBU to come for a visit with a cold. She should have warned you beforehand, and rescheduled.

HisNibs · 21/09/2023 15:11

Did you put a mask on as well Op?

GoryBory · 21/09/2023 15:11

YANBU

If she had a problem with it then she should have said there and then.

Not smiled to your face and then bitched about it behind your back.

She sounds 2 faced and not a good friend.

loulouljh · 21/09/2023 15:12

Sorry but just weird. I would never wear a mask like this and would think you are mad!! Just rearrange the meeting...

Poppyseed14 · 21/09/2023 15:14

I'm astounded she even had a mask with her tbh. Or do you keep a box by the door OP for these emergency situations?? 🤔

mathanxiety · 21/09/2023 15:16

She's being a dick, and it was horrible of her to visit you when she had a cold too.

I don't think you were unreasonable, and contrary to several assertions upthread, I believe we should all play our part in reducing the spread of viruses. It is our responsibility to look out for other people's health.

Ienjoyedthebarbiemovie · 21/09/2023 15:17

Yes you are being unreasonable. Get a grip

BloodyHellKen · 21/09/2023 15:17

I voted YABU but only because I wouldn't invite someone into my house who had a cold in the first place, unless it was some sort of emergency.

mathanxiety · 21/09/2023 15:21

I would like to know where so many posters have heard the nonsense they are spouting here about face masks being useless.

Clearly several posters have drunk quite a lot of conspiracy theory Kool Aid.

AnnaTortoiseshell · 21/09/2023 15:22

I have two young kids so I do get that colds etc are inconvenient, but the idea that people actively try to avoid them seems a bit much to me. They’re just part of life! Honestly I don’t think people got this worked up over things pre covid. I think YABU, and if you were my friend I’d think you’d lost the plot.

Fairymother · 21/09/2023 15:22

If you were my friend i would have put it on but i definitely would have made a comment. I also would have laughed about it with other friends.