Is it normal to feel like this as you get older?

[iLoW]

I was 37 last weekend. For a while, maybe three years, I’ve felt like life is downhill from here. I have a nice life, though I am a single mum which can make things harder I suppose. But I live in a nice house in a nice area, have a good job, lots of friends. I’m slim, reasonably attractive. I can afford extras and can treat myself sometimes. I will probably inherit a decent amount so have no huge financial stress. My child is generally easy and fun to be with. I just feel… like the spark and excitement of life is gone? I’ve not travelled everywhere but I’ve travelled enough to know what it’s like. Sure, I’d like to go again but it’s not a ‘new and exciting’ concept anymore.

I’ve climbed the career ladder, there’s further to go but not much. It’s not exciting in the sense of that first suit on your first morning in work. It’s not like the first time, even if I changed company, it’s the same old.

I do enjoy things in life like the cinema and reading and seeing friends. I do wonder if I would feel happier with a relationship but even that I just think can I really be arsed to meet another man and have to be introduced to his family etc (not obligatory but you know what I mean, same old rigmarole).

Even going out for the night is effort these days. I used to spend ages getting ready, music on, make up perfect. I would be actually excited about the evening. Now it’s… nice. But that’s it. I’ve been to so many lovely restaurants that it’s the same old.

My child is only five so many when they’re bigger I will find there’s more joy to be had in doing things with them. But generally in life I just feel so indifferent to it all. Just me?

Yes

Nope! 43 and still find life exciting! So many things I want to do!

It sounds more like depression to me. I'm 41 and never felt a day over 21 until I had my last child at 40 and got prenatal and postnatal depression & anxiety really bad. It was directly tied to hormones and it got a LOT better after weaning off breastfeeding. I also started a preventative migraine med that also treats depression so I'm sure that helped. Getting older comes with hormone changes and so it makes sense as the entire body is regulated by hormones, so age could be the reason.

I get you OP. Do you think it’s the spontaneity you’ve lost? You can’t just get up and go anymore.
Possibly lack of energy/tiredness/or just mentally carrying more?
It’s ALL on you isn’t it… Most of the things you do are probably tied in with what your five year old finds fun. I went through a phase of feeling like this, but as DD got older it got better.

Yeah. I'm 45. It's definitely like that for me but I've also found joy in other things over time. Like, err, Netflix.

I think at some point you realise men and looking nice to attract and feel sexy or pull one really isnt all that.

I think it's normal to be jaded.

Perhaps you need to find yourself/new you. I love my hobbies and early nights. Nights out are a chore now but in my late teens I'd have found hobbies and early nights dull.

It's a transitional stage for you.

I feel exactly the same, early 40's. Everything seems more of an effort.

You're very, very well situated - your life is very well managed

However, you have no purpose - no drive, no joy.

Find it. Purpose is everything. I sort of imagine you volunteering at a foodbank or somewhere where the disadvantaged are.

Anything, something - find it ! What might be your purpose ? Writing, love, giving, what ?

I have gone through phases like that, when depressed or during the winter when it seems too hard work to go anywhere, and eventually it has passed. I think sometimes it's ok to sit where you are and take stock before launching yourself out there at all. Watch out if you really don't get any pleasure out of anything, as you may be a bit depressed. If it's more of a 'what do I do now in life' feeling, you are having an early mid-life crisis (having sorted out a lot quite young) and these tend to repeat every few years. Don't fight it or try to work out life's purpose immediately- just do more sitting and thinking if you can and you might start to uncover new things you'd like to do and new motivations to do them.

could I ask what migraine meds, I’ve just had another migraine and always feel a bit low after

I'm a couple of years older than you and feel exactly the same. I think I am a bit depressed though as well...

@LaurieFairyCake I would love to have someone to build and share life with. I think that’s a huge part. Looking back, I’ve always been happiest in a loving relationship.

I agree volunteering etc would make a difference. I will look into that tonight!!

To me it sounds like you don't have an internal life, you write about your looks, your money, your job, people you know - that's all external stuff. Do you do anything creative? Do you spend time enjoying nature or art? Contribute to your community? Is your job worthwhile or just something that pays your bills?

You've (hopefully) got a lot of years ahead of you to fill, there are ways to enrich your life but if you keep hoping the job, inheritance, friends etc will give your life meaning you won't find them.

I think you need the endorphins that comes with being in love. I am also a single mother but was dating a guy for a few months over the summer. He wasn’t the one for me but those few months were fantastic. I was so happy and life was such a joy. I still feel like that now even though I stopped seeing him. It did some kind of reset for me and I feel like my future is so bright.

Do you have time to date? I think it might be worth trying as everything else in life is sorted and you’re not happy.

@Wisterical i think this is the problem. I have nobody to share life with, so that part feels very empty. Job is ok, I guess it’s hard to walk away from as it pays bills like you say. I’m really not sure what it is that’s missing.

@Snoken thanks. I think you’re right. I’ve lost my spark. I could date in lunchtimes for coffee etc. Maybe I should dip my toe back in…

@junbean sorry to jump in on the thread, but do you mind me asking which meds you're on to prevent migraine? Thanks

Why does everyone feel the need to describe them as 'slim and attractive' on here as though it's important😆

Themselves*

@AllOfThemWitches I was trying to give as broad a picture as possible as I know a few people who feel haggard at this age… I wanted to explain it wasn’t that behind this feeling.

Amitriptyline for prevention (also treats pain from my nerves damaged by covid) and I take rizatriptan for any breakthrough migraines.

Not unusual. It’s the shitty reality of life. When you are young, life is all ahead of you. You feel the possibilities are limitless, that there is loads of time, that old age and death are so far in the distance you needn’t think about them. Somewhere around your mid 30s that changes. In your teens and 20s, you are climbing a hill towards something exciting. At 40, you reach the top of that hill and begin hurtling down the other side. And all that awaits at the bottom is a coffin.

When I was young, I felt that everything I did mattered, that it was all part of my journey/story, that every experience was worth having because some day I’d tell people all about them. I never feel that way now. Nothing I do feels like it matters. New adventures and new experiences are for the young. I know I’ll get flamed for this, but that’s because people cling on to their youth and refuse to let it go.

@junbean thanks so much.

Wait till you get to 61. (Without trying to sound like an old person) but it's true.

ffs!, all this talk of everything going downhill after 35/40...lol! Give your heads a wobble.