To think saying no to this doesn't make me 'nasty'

[YetMoreNewBeginnings]

My ex has children by three women. Me - two uni age. Ex-wife - 3 kids 12-9. Ex-GF - 2 kids 7 & 5. For context his ex-wife and ex-GF hate each other.

During the summer my girls had a few days where they had all 5 half-siblings over to visit at our house. This was nothing to do with me in terms of childcare or anything (this is relevant). The girls did it all as they wanted to spend time with their siblings. I was happy for them to do so.

Ex's parents are lovely people. They have a wonderful relationship with my girls that they made the effort to cultivate (by asking me for time with them) when their son wasn't bothered. They haven't spoken to him for around 7 years. They have always sent presents and made efforts with all of the children. Ex-GF has allowed contact since she split with ex so they have a good relationship with those two children. Ex-wife never has and is still reluctant.

Ex-wife admits herself that she was "horrible" to my girls and, frankly, I'll never forgive that.

Ex-wife has said that her children are asking to see their half-siblings so has asked me to facilitate the 5 younger children meeting at my house while the girls are away at uni, rather than them having to wait until the holidays.
Their grandparents have said numerous times that they'd have all the children at theirs, but ex-wife is reluctant to do that.

Apparently I'm now 'nasty and mean' because I've said no to giving up my saturday mornings once every 6 weeks to facilitate this.

I've got three children at home still. One of whom is severely disabled with a life-limiting health condition. Literally the only thing I did for the children all coming round in the summer was to have my children put away any special/new toys that they didn't want played with. That's it. On one occasion I wasn't even here!

I'm a people pleaser 99% of the time, but I'm trying to get better, but now because it's children involved I'm doubting myself. I just don't want to spend a morning with 5 extra children. ex-MIL would love to have them all - and she, exFIL and exSIL are all perfectly capable of looking after them.

That is insane 🤣

No OP YANBU. Not your children, not your problem.
FWIW you and your girls sound wonderful. And your PILs!x

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I know there fraternal GPs would love to host this." Then ignore anything further.

Who on earth has voted YABU?

The ex gf and ex wife I imagine

This is completely bonkers!!

Maybe if she hadn't been so mean and nasty herself, this situation would never have arisen!!

It's difficult to keep up with the twisting relationships of your ex and his ubiquitous dick!!

What a tangled web he wove. And she provided the thread.

Let her unpick the knots.

So she's wanting you to have her children and the ex-girlfriend's children in your house every six weeks when your own children aren't even going to be there?

Reply agreeing with her that it is nasty and mean. So why doesn't she cop on and sort out her beef with the other mother and/or grandma so the kids aren't deprived.

You should have asked her who would be looking after them if they were at your house! Such a weird request.

Yep, CF request. Tough titty.
She has the gp she could use but won't swallow her pride.
The ex gf owes her nothing nor do you.

Issue aside, I think it is amazing that your girls sort seeing their siblings! And great that they can still see each other.

My ex DH and I separated on good terms and I still have a great relationship with his DD.

Until her mum got a chip on her shoulder and banned me.

Then recently asked if I'd have her DD to see the other kids and sleep over. She didn't ask me, she asked ex DH. He told her to ask me.....she never did and instead threw insults! She never asked me and now I'm banned again!

Glad you have blocked her. She is a CF user

YANBU.

Separately, I'm struck by how fabulous the PILs are. It's a shame their DS is such a waste of space, but they've done everything right by their grandkids and that is commendable. Far too many take sides with their own child, even when he's clearly in the wrong.

Tell them to arrange a get together at a park, neutral territory for everyone

Surely the only person depriving the children of spending time with their siblings is her? All she has to do is suck it up and do what’s best for her kids - let them see their siblings at their grandparents house.

No darling you are right you have to think about YOU and YOURS before anything/anyone else XXX big hugs xx

The ex-wife is a CF and she obviously needs to suck it up and arrange with the ex-gf/ex-parents.

Slightly different had your girls been there too and it would be then totally up to you whether you a.lowed your house for the meeting place but he’ll no - not while your own DD’s are away at uni - give her a hard “no!”

Long overdue. What a prince- not! 🌹

Op genuine question

how do you engage with someone that you know was nasty to and treated your daughters badly? Seriously… how?

And also women to…. I don’t know, get some sense

Oh wow! She sounds bonkers! You seem nice. Do what works for you and your kids. Nothing mean about that.

As I said. She put a note through my door and I text her to say no.

I’m not going out for coffee or being mates with the woman.

@Youspoilus

^Newestname002
Long overdue. What a prince- not! 🌹

And also women to…. I don’t know, get some sense^

Yes - that too.

That’ll never happen with him. he’s one of life’s manipulators unfortunately.

Last my girls heard he’d moved in with a woman with three kids who thinks it’s awful his psycho exes treat him so poorly with regard to his kids. So no doubt he’ll be using the family courts again soon to show he’s a good dad really (and the family court system will let him - it always does).

I was lucky - he reminded me of my abusive father in something when he left which meant I had massive ick and never crumbled to his hoovering attempts.

Ex wife is a CF! You are not a children's contact centre! Tell her to arrange her own meet ups.