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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are my neighbours being petty?

115 replies

Asyousayit · 19/09/2023 23:44

I've lived in my house for 4 years and during that time I've had my children (2 girls) who can be loud and unruly but I've been considerate of neighbours as the neighbour on the other side is a lone elderly woman and we regularly communicate and get on well. We live in terraced houses, but lately they seem a bit pedantic. In the last few weeks we've done considerable garden work, chopping down a few trees and 1 was an apple tree on the boundary (but my side) of their new fence. They have never done this before, they have had their back garden done but it was 2 years ago and until we started garden work any unripe or spoiled apples weren't a problem. From this August any that fell in their garden they put in a bag and put on my doorstep... okay I might see a reason for that, but really a few spoiled apples? In the front garden they have also had a new fence on our side aswell (also 2 years ago) I have flowerbeds along their fence lines not of my choosing just was the previous tenants. However this year I planted nasturtiums in the flower beds and have still to this day maintained them. They had a few leaves creep under their fence and trimmed them (no problem to me) but they dumped the trimmings on my doorstep despite having a recycling bin for the council pick up which they don't use. Is that twattish or am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
StBrides · 19/09/2023 23:51

Petty

Clefable · 20/09/2023 00:04

Maybe they've read all the MN neighbour dispute threads about the owner of the tree/plants being entitled to trimmings when stuff overhangs and have been a bit over-zealous!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 20/09/2023 00:06

They are doing what is legal,offering trimmings back to rightful owner.just tell them they don't need to of it bothers you.

DontLeanOnTheKeyboard · 20/09/2023 00:09

That’s what the law says they should do. If you don’t have neighbourly communication, then that’s how it works. Maybe try speaking to them instead of posting on here?

Cornflowers35 · 20/09/2023 00:11

I also that it was garden etiquette (or the law)that they had to offer fruit or cuttings back to the owner of the tree or plant they come from.

So on this I think you are in the wrong, sorry OP

Original poster
Asyousayit · 20/09/2023 00:13

I kid you not it was 2 sprigs of leaves, it was measley. And for it to start over the last few months is just puzzling. There was a full grown damn tree there but only overhanging by a bit, yet we cut it down and only then they start sending stuff back over the fence in sandwich bags and at my doorstep. They had their back and front garden patio'd and don't have and flower beds just a few pots. Surely a few left over apples (which there won't be anymore of) and a few sprigs of weed wouldn't fill their bin

OP posts:
Fiddlesticks25 · 20/09/2023 00:13

It sounds like they are mners (so maybe posting on here is a good way to communicate with them 🤷)

Cornflowers35 · 20/09/2023 00:30

Once bitten twice shy.

Perhaps if the apples are ok to eat (and you aren't going to eat them all) ask them if they would like some to make an apple crumble.

I am very lucky in that I have wonderful neighbours. So they probably wouldn't mind either way.

Original poster
Asyousayit · 20/09/2023 00:59

There were 3 apples spoiled in a sandwich bag. They were the size of ping pong balls.

OP posts:
comfyshoes2022 · 20/09/2023 01:34

Yes, petty

DrFoxtrot · 20/09/2023 01:37

I thought that you were supposed to offer pruned branches etc back to the owner but not just dump on the doorstep.

They should have asked you what you wanted to do with them. As they haven't asked, I would tell them that you don't want it and it's up to them to get rid of the rubbish themselves.

LiOLeary · 20/09/2023 01:40

JUST TALK TO THEM!

Original poster
Asyousayit · 20/09/2023 02:01

How would I broach that. 'Knock, knock, knock' "oooooh hi ..... are you being funny with me or is there an issue with your bin?... see you soon!"

OP posts:
AlwaysHappy1 · 20/09/2023 02:25

It's a myth that you have to give cuttings back/throw them over the fence, you have to offer them and if neighbour doesn't want them then the cutter has to dispose.

LiOLeary · 20/09/2023 02:39

Asyousayit · 20/09/2023 02:01

How would I broach that. 'Knock, knock, knock' "oooooh hi ..... are you being funny with me or is there an issue with your bin?... see you soon!"

Hi, I just wanted to check in and say hi, and make sure any of the changes we've made to our garden aren't impacting you. I noticed that you've been leaving some cuttings on our doorstep, so wanted to chat about that and how we can continue to be good neighbours.

Just say things plainly. Most people just want to be seen and heard.

ETA: At the very least you embarrass them enough to stop, at the best you hear about ways that you can be better neighbours.

AnxiousPangolin · 20/09/2023 07:16

AlwaysHappy1 · 20/09/2023 02:25

It's a myth that you have to give cuttings back/throw them over the fence, you have to offer them and if neighbour doesn't want them then the cutter has to dispose.

This. Dumping them on the doorstep is not ‘offering them back’. I wish people on MN would bother to read the guidance on this and stop perpetuating misinformation.

It’s petty and rude. I’d certainly be speaking to them about it. @LiOLeary’s suggestion is good.

Saucery · 20/09/2023 07:21

Do you have to pay for your garden waste bin to be emptied? If they have paved over a lot of their garden they may not subscribe to the collection any more. They could put it in their general waste bin as it’s just tiny amounts but maybe they are sticklers for the Bin Rules. Generating plastic waste with little sandwich bags doesn’t make much sense though.

You should ask them, so you know where you stand.

MonumentalLentil · 20/09/2023 07:42

Maybe they are sad that the trees have gone and wildlife and insects are declining and don't want to engage with you.

People are destroying trees without a thought and then complaining that their gardens flood. Soon there will be no insects and gardens will all be plastic grass and wet mud seeping through. No one thinks of the future.

Melony75 · 20/09/2023 07:49

Dumping cuttings is classed as fly tipping. They should offer them to you and if you don't want them, they need to dispose of.

londonrach · 20/09/2023 07:51

It's what legally they have to do. Not petty. I suspect they had issues before with cf neighbours so following what they legally have to do.

TheNoodlesIncident · 20/09/2023 07:52

MonumentalLentil · 20/09/2023 07:42

Maybe they are sad that the trees have gone and wildlife and insects are declining and don't want to engage with you.

People are destroying trees without a thought and then complaining that their gardens flood. Soon there will be no insects and gardens will all be plastic grass and wet mud seeping through. No one thinks of the future.

Maybe then they shouldn't have paved over their entire garden like OP describes in her posts?

I'd give them their plastic bags back and chuck the leaves etc into my garden waste bin, compost heap or my landfill bin. It does seem very petty to me but then I've never offered cuttings back from trimming neighbouring shrubs/trees and I'd be surprised if my NDN did this. What the hell would they want them for?

MotherOfGodWeeFella · 20/09/2023 07:53

Here's a radical suggestion: talk to them. And not the crap you posted upthread. Just be open and friendly and see what they say.

CoreopsisEverywhere · 20/09/2023 08:16

You shouldn’t be chopping any trees down between May and October

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 20/09/2023 08:24

Are you sure you’re not the one being petty? If it’s literally only a handful of spoiled apples and a small pile of leaves, it won’t fill your bin either, will it?

Tattyhabits · 20/09/2023 08:27

If she is elderly it could be that she is in early stages of dementia. There is a dear old man living near us who started doing a similar thing a few years ago, he would put random cuttings in our landfill bin so the bin men refused to empty it. It made me cross because I didn't understand why. She might not really know herself why she's doing it.

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