To ask my husband NOT to tell his parents every time we argue

[Chipmunk09]

DH and I had a disagreement yesterday (I wouldn’t even say it was an argument but it got heated and I was upset). Now I can hear him in the other room divulging every detail to his parents over FaceTime. I’ve asked him before not to do this because it makes me uncomfortable with them knowing we’ve had an argument. Also I feel like it doesn’t paint me in a very good light, as obviously he’s going to be bias.

I have never ever told my mum or any other family member when we’ve had an argument. I feel like it is something deeply personal and I’ve always tried to resolve the issue between us.

I’m still upset following yesterday’s disagreement and I have been cold with him all day. I just have no energy to engage with him. I feel like he never truly understands my perspective or takes responsibility for his own actions. Him running to his parents just makes me even more mad!!!

AIBU to ask him not to tell his parents about our arguments?

No, I’d tell her that she was being immature, that a marriage deserves privacy, and that she’s bringing her mother into her private life, where she has no business being.

I can’t imagine how violated I’d feel if my husband was running off and talking about any and every disagreement we had with his mother. I wouldn’t be able to trust him, honestly, and I’d feel incredibly disrespected that a private discussion had now been aired to his mother. It would make me question if I had any privacy in our marriage at all.

That response was to the member who commented it would be different if a woman was talking to her mother

@ChubbyMorticia That is exactly how I would feel too. Also, I have never rung up my parents or family members to discuss disagreements I have had with a partner.

I wouldn’t involve other family members with disagreements I have had with another family member because that would not be fair or respectful to anyone. And could cause family conflict.

Your family are your partner’s in-laws.

In a group of friends it wouldn’t be ok to bitch about another member of the group or get the friendship group to take sides. If a friend did that to me they wouldn’t be my friend anymore.

It’s basic respect. The only sexist posts on this thread are the pp accusing women of answering differently because it is a man discussing his marital disagreements with his parents. Rubbish !

The only time I would respond differently is if someone was being abused by their partner/spouse. In that situation they need to get help and support and a safe place to escape the abuse and protection from being assaulted or murdered.

Tell DH you are emailing your ILs - some of his moves when you have sex do not suit you and you feel he needs some advice and suggestions. As they have a long marriage and are so good at supporting him could they come up with some ideas for him.
DIL

🤣

I have very rarely if ever vented to my mum about dh.
I am very close to her and there has been the odd winge, but nothing like what the OP is talking about.

This is deliberate. I winge to her about everything else, especially the kids.
But not my marriage.
I think once or twice I have asked her advice, that is not the same as post argument winging.

I do winge to my best friend and she to me about our dhs. But usually it is somewhat censored. And my friend and I worl from the basis that we love our dhs and want our marriage to continue, but that sometimes we need a vent.

I think it is different with parents. And I think it is unhelpful. In fact I am surprised that his mum doesn't gently but firmly tell him he is talking to the wrong person

I realise this thread was started a few months ago but I've similar experience.
I used to get on OK with my MIL.
Until my stupid (soon to ex) husband one day decided to tell all to her during an argument.
Boy did the bitch use this as an excuse to slag me off. And some.

Stupid woman, she missed out for years as no more prompting my useless husband (who in all honesty doesn't give a f*. about her in spite of all his b. s. about '' duty'') about birthdays etc. We, thankfully, have no dc' s so no keeping her away from the grandkids (which I wouldn't do anyway) but I basically ignored her from that point.

I now realise my stbx is just a narcissist enlisting flying monkeys-he did similar with his sister, who surprise, surprise, was equally as much of a cow.