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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have been really nasty to the extremely sensitive girl in office this morning? (i know i am)

79 replies

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 12:41

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

hanaflower · 04/03/2008 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nametaken · 04/03/2008 12:44

Leave it - you've apologised now move on. If she chooses to continue to sulk that's her business.

MegBusset · 04/03/2008 12:45

Sorry if this sounds harsh but it sounds like you are all behaving unprofessionally, and frankly I would walk out if my manager shouted at me for anything. It is no way for grown adults to treat each other.

This kind of thing makes me very glad not to work in an office any more.

avenanap · 04/03/2008 12:46

I don't think you're being unreasonable, you've just had enough of her childish behaviour and they should have more consideration for you after all the stress that you have had. It's pathetic when people cry because they've been told off for arsing around, you're the manager, shout away.

I'm truly sorry for the loss of your grandfather. It must be a really hard time for you at the moment and your staff should have more sensitivity. I'd send you a huge hug it I could.

BroccoliSpears · 04/03/2008 12:47

Blimey.

Very sorry for your loss. It's understandable that you are upset and not behaving reasonably. Do you think maybe you shouldn't be at work while you're still getting over the loss of your grandad?

I'm not judging you for it, but as a manager I think you have acted very unprofessionally.

To fix the situation:
(1) Be absolutely sure that you're ready to be at work.
(2) Speak to the girl in question, privately and calmly, about her attitude. What do you want to change? Let her have her say too.
(3) Call a team meeting to clear the air and start fresh with a positive attitude from everyone and clear guidelines about what the problems have been and how things will be different from now on?

fishie · 04/03/2008 12:48

but are you her manager? if so you shouldn't let her get away with behaving so rudely to start with. and why is her friend telling you what to do? sod the coffee making list, i think it is time to sort out your team's attitude.

BeauLocks · 04/03/2008 12:48

Are you sure this wasn't at a school rather than an office?

avenanap · 04/03/2008 12:49

Agree totally!

OrmIrian · 04/03/2008 12:50

I think I would have been tempted to follow up the shouting with a kick up the arse TBH. Stupid girl! I hate that kind of behaviour. It she's so sensitive why can't she be sensitive to the way that others are feeling.

However although I sympathise I do think that meg might be right. Shouting not a good idea in the circs and I would have struggled if my manager did that to me. She needed sorting out but not in that way.

Chequers · 04/03/2008 12:50

Message withdrawn

fishie · 04/03/2008 12:50

sorry i was distracted, meant to ask do they know about your grandfather? broccoli gives good advice.

posieflump · 04/03/2008 12:51

are you the manager of all the people in the office then? Even her mate who came in and had a go at you?

Lulumama · 04/03/2008 12:53

agree with everyone else

cannot believe she went home!! that is totally unprofessional.....

as for coffee lists and face pulling, unless you are all 12, it has to stop now

give it 24 hours and have chat with her about things and start afresh, tell her to stop the face pulling and the attitude, if you have to work together she has to be professional enough to cover up if she does not like you !

yes, you lost your cool and behaved unprofessionaly to under provocation after a horrible week

MegBusset · 04/03/2008 12:53

I agree with Broccoli that if you are bringing your (totally understandable) grief over your grandfather into work then you cannot be a fair and effective manager. Most companies make allowances for compassionate leave when a family member dies, I really think you should take it.

As for dealing with your difficult staff member, perhaps she needs to be calmly sat down and reminded what is expected of her (this should be covered in her contract). Having a member of HR present should help you keep to the pertinent facts and stop shouting. Once you shout at your team (ime) you lose all respect from them and it will just become harder to deal with them.

Original poster

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 12:54

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

rookiemater · 04/03/2008 12:56

Ok heres what I'd do. Tomorrow I'd buy a big selection of cream cakes and apologise for being a bit narky because of some difficult personal circumstances.

Yes the girl sounds like a bit of a pain, but you are her manager. Its your job to have regular 121s with her about her attitude not to shout at her in front of her colleagues.

Also maybe you need a few days compassionate leave, it sounds like your grandfathers death has impacted you more than you realised and you need a bit of time to grieve.

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 04/03/2008 12:56

i was just going to say the same thing beaulocks it sounds like something that would happen in a classromm rather than in a gorwn-up space like the office!!
to the OP i think that while it might have been a bit unproffessional of you to shout at her in front of others, it is HUUUGELY unproffessional of her to treat you and other members of the team in such a way!! if you are her boss she should respect you and so should other members of your team. they should also treat you with some compassion due to your recent loss (sorry about your loss BTW) sounds like you are managing a team of 10 year olds rather than fully grown mature adults. i hope you manage to get this sorted soon
xx ei xx

Youcannotbeserious · 04/03/2008 12:56

Sorry, I've skimmed through the posts.

If you are her manager, I'd make it perfectly bloody clear to her that YOU decide when she can leave site.

It is simply not acceptable to 'go home for a few hours' because someone said something you didn't like.

Sounds like she needs a good shake!

As their manager, you shouldn't be in their coffee-making-club anyway. You have to maintain some distance.

I'd schedule a one to one with this girl (and the rest of them) and get some basic ground rules in place.

For sure, you shouldn't have shouted. You already know that.... but this girl's behaviour is not acceptable either.

Chequers · 04/03/2008 12:57

Message withdrawn

posieflump · 04/03/2008 12:57

if you are the nominal manager in charge today I guess there isn't much you can do.
Her permament manager should do something thugh.
Crack down on bullying in the workplace that sort of thing. What else is removing someone's name from the coffee list if not bullying?

fishie · 04/03/2008 12:58

so her manager is also behaving unprofessionally by laughing rather than dealing with the situation? your office sounds horrid no wonder you got upset, there doesn't seem to be any sort of structure or clear rules about acceptable behaviour.

Original poster

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 12:58

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OP posts:

EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 04/03/2008 13:00

that was meant to be classroom and grown-ups!! obv
xx ei xx

OrmIrian · 04/03/2008 13:01

She thinks that you should be sensitive ? .

Have any of them offered condolences on your loss or do they regard it as marginally less upsetting than having a bad day

Original poster

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:02

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