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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have been really nasty to the extremely sensitive girl in office this morning? (i know i am)

79 replies

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 12:41

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OP posts:
Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:29

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Youcannotbeserious · 04/03/2008 13:31

If they make you apologise, burst into tears and take the rest of the week off.

Carmenere · 04/03/2008 13:35

Sorry for your loss alittleone

She told you to eff off and slammed down the phone and left her work?? That behaviour is MUCH more unprofessional than yours. You have behaved in an unprofessional manner but you were provoked and have extenuating circumstances.
So what exactly are her personal problems that you are supposed to be sensitive to? It is probably best left, ignore them, particularly her(well not obviously ignore, just don't take any heed).

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:41

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Youcannotbeserious · 04/03/2008 13:43

I'm just being flippant! CArmenere is right though... Her behaviour is much worse than yours.

In most places, leaving site without permission is a disciplinary offence.

wannaBe · 04/03/2008 13:44

actually i wonder if telling a manager to fuck off is gross misconduct?

She actually sounds like a liability and not an altogether nice person to have in the office.

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 04/03/2008 13:47

Sorry for your loss alittleone2 and i hope that you do manage to sort the situation out, hopefully her manager will call you both in to discuss the situation together in an open and proffessional way

Maybe you could tell her to come on MN that will toughen her up abit

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:48

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NAB3wishesfor2008 · 04/03/2008 13:52

I think taking in cream cakes underminds your authority actually. You know you shouldn't have shouted but the girl who went home is acting like a 2 year old.

SheikYerbouti · 04/03/2008 14:05

don;t spend your money on cream cakes for the brats

Buy some for yourself and eat the in full view

mrsruffallo · 04/03/2008 14:08

Don't be too apologetic-she sounds quite manipulative.

Threadworm · 04/03/2008 14:08

I used to work in an office with an amazingly passive-agressive, sulky admin worker. Everyone tiptoed around her feelings all the time. A real pain, and very disruptive of work. I don't blame you for losing your cool, particularly when you have just suffered a bereavment -- for which, my condolences.

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 14:09

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OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 04/03/2008 14:10

I don't think you have done anything too bad actually. After all , you have been under terrible stress and she caused a bad atmosphere at your work place.
I would actually complain to her manager about her.

mrsruffallo · 04/03/2008 14:10

And yes, condolences from me too

Miaou · 04/03/2008 14:13

I don't think you were nasty. I do think she was unreasonable. I hope this backfires on her but sadly feel Threadworm's scenario is more likely

Do stand your ground - you have apologised and moved on - she obviously hasn't!!

bogie · 04/03/2008 14:19

I would have done the same as you i cant stand people like that who wind people up and then cry all the time.

elfsmum · 04/03/2008 14:22

take some time now and document the incident, with exact words and in it's entirety (sp) then file it away until/if it's needed - watch your back

o.k. you feel guilty, fair enough, her behaviour seems very passive aggresive - don't get into an email debate with her at all - she storms into you, then storms off in tears but is then brave enough to tell you to "f* off" - she sounds like a headworker

you're not her manager - furnish her manager with all of the facts and leave him to deal with her

OrmIrian · 04/03/2008 14:22

I have worked in a largely male environment for many years. If I had behaved as this woman has done I'd probably get my own way on that occasion but I'd be mistrusted and disliked intensely.

She is damaging herself long term.

wannaBe · 05/03/2008 12:19

did anything more happen with this?

colacubes · 05/03/2008 12:37

She's lucky she lasted as long as she did without a bollocking, imo, I would have wiped the floor clean with her the vindictive trollop. I dont think you were hard on her, she obviously likes attention, thats why she is the office bitch, I had the same years ago when I was a temp at a firm, made my life a fuckin misery, the hairy faced minger.

Be clever, think long term, shes obviously in it for instant attention, play her at her own game, but keep your own council, dont speak about her or it to anyone else.

And dont forget that you are having a terrible time at the moment, let them know, she cant say a thing about that now can she, or she'll end up being the bitch!!

Hope its gone ok, today for you and so sorry to hear about your loss, take care.

soopermum1 · 05/03/2008 13:01

YANBU, she sounds like a little bitch who had it coming to her. ok, probably not your usual preferred choice of communication, but you're only human. i think people expect to much of people in positions of authority, why should you completely shut off your emotions, you're human as well. and why should you put up with her shit? do not, do not do not buy cream cakes. i'm even amazed you phoned to apologise, but seeing as you have she should apologise to you. keep your distance and in future dealing use that icy tone taught in management school . i find ifi really want to give someone a bollocking i speak even quieter than usual, it grabs their attention as they have to really listen to you.

as for the crying bit, shame it's illegal to slap the staff these days

2GIRLS · 05/03/2008 13:03

You are their manager, you need to manage them. Tell this girl in front of everyone that 'I have apologised and this ends here, I should have spoken to you alone but as I didn't I will apologise again in front of everyone. However, you are not to run home without permission, if there is a problem we will deal with and you can carry on with your work. I have spoken to your usual manager about the poor attitudes of some people in this office and steps will be taken to stamp this out.'

Obviously you don't need to print this out and read it word for word but something along those lines is what I would say.. As for a manager hiding away or thinking about grovelling-no way, say what needs to be said and thats it.

They will only respect you if you act like manager. And a manager is almost never friends with the staff, so what if it's a bitchy atmosphere you're the manager let them get n with it.

hungrypanda · 06/03/2008 11:19

Very unprofessional.

As a manager you should be setting a good example.

Kimi · 06/03/2008 11:52

Can you sack her? Lord what a pain in the arse, she sent her friend to "tell you off" fecking child.

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