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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have been really nasty to the extremely sensitive girl in office this morning? (i know i am)

79 replies

alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 12:41

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
MegBusset · 04/03/2008 13:02

Sounds like the whole office culture needs a shake-up tbh. I have worked in places like this (when younger) and they are hideous for everyone (staff and managers alike).

posieflump · 04/03/2008 13:03

I would stop using it if you have another option. You don't want to get dragged into that sort of shite!

rookiemater · 04/03/2008 13:04

Sorry alittleone2 I didn't read your subsequent messages. She sounds like a right old piece of work, feel free to lace the cakes with whatever you want.

LilRedWG · 04/03/2008 13:04

Right - you've spoken to her manager, who has told you not to worry, you have called her at home and apologised.

Get her manager to have a word with the whole team on his return, so that they know you have spoken to him, apologised to her etc.

You've accepted you were unprofessional, so let it lie! I know it's difficult, but rise above it and ignore the childishness.

If it's any consolation, I've done this in the past (using rather strong language). I ended up in my boss' office, in tears, apologising. To be fair, the poor bugger I yelled at got a raw deal - me yelling and swearing and my bosses (and his) saying I was in the right.

Good luck!

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:04

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
EiWishFor3MoreWishes · 04/03/2008 13:05

whoops x-posted
TBH i wouldnt let them bully you into staying in your office alone all day! they need dropping down a peg or two and regardless of whether you are their permanent manager you still have seniority over them and they should treat you as a manager when you are there!! email the silly cow girl back and tell her she shouldnt be working in a pressurised environment if she cant handle the pressure!! (prob in better terms than that but you get the gist!!) i bet you will be glad when you get to move on from these horrible bitches!!
xx ei xx

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:06

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
wannaBe · 04/03/2008 13:06

I knew there was a reason I didn't want to go back to work .

As a manager of any kind, you shouldn't be in their coffee club anyway - you can't be a manager and one of the gang at the same time imo.

Shouting at a member of staff is unacceptable regardless of circumstance, and this girl would be perfectly within her rights to file a grievence against you, so I would cover your back and speak to your own manager, and personnel, about the situation.

She sounds like a spoiled brat tbh but as you're not her regular manager it's not up to you to deal with it.

lollipopmother · 04/03/2008 13:06

I would say f*ck it, what's done is done. The woman is clearly an arse for running off home, what is she, 12?! Don't apologise, you've done that once already. She sounds like a complete wimp, I bet she's feeling really sorry for herself so i'd just leave her to it.

EffiePerine · 04/03/2008 13:07

I'd have a serious word with her manager and gently point out that the whole office atmosphere is a big problem HE needs to sort out. Hugely unproductive.

I can see why you snapped btw, being a manager doesn;t make you superhuman! I'd leave it and ignore, you've apologised, anything else you do is just going to be gvigin them fuel. They sound like a lovely group

fishie · 04/03/2008 13:07

oh if you can avoid the office do so. it is awful when the person who behaves badly gets away with it because nobody wants to upset them.

and i am sorry about your grandfather too

LittlePumpkinPants · 04/03/2008 13:07

she sounds like a spoilt silly little girl
I dont really see what is wrong with what you did
ignore them and get on with your job

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 13:09

sounds awful. sorry to hear about your grandad.

EffiePerine · 04/03/2008 13:09

And practise an air of condescending, mature superiority - any comments and you can say 'I have discussed this with [her manager] and as far as we are concerned the case is closed. Kindly get on with your work.'

PotPourri · 04/03/2008 13:09

Well, you shouldn't have done it. Youare her manager and so should be professional. however, you know that. So how to fix it? It hink you shoudl take her into the office and tell her that you are deeply sorry. It was unprofessional, and you should not have done it - don';t elaborite with reasons why, or attack her again as an explanation!! and then, case closed.

If the others ignore you, fine. That is one of hte hard things about managemetn. You are not there to be liked adn to be 'in' the group. they are not friends, they are your staff. Clearly if you can be friends - great. But that is not what the structure is there for.

It'll blow over. I have seen managers do worse and it blows over - but you need to be professional from now on.

good luck

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 13:13

i'm with effie. the girl sounds like an idiot.

Original poster
alittleone2 · 04/03/2008 13:16

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 13:19

surely their manager will have to have a staff meeting about the atmosphere, though? it sounds intolerable. they all need a boot up the arse, imo.

SheikYerbouti · 04/03/2008 13:21

You know you were unprofessional, but this owman (girl?) sounds like petulant child.

I would say your rant was not reasonable, but understandable given your circs.

Go ro HR/your manager and explain - you will have the upper hand then.

I am, really sorry to hear about your granddad too. I nursed mine when he was ill, and I know how bloody tiring and stressful it can be.

Blu · 04/03/2008 13:24

I wouldn't quail in the face of potential grievance procedure, either.

DP has just been involved with a company where someone took out a grievance against a superior for shouting...employment lawyers were involved...and it was accepted that shouting as a one off, in response to shortcomings in the work was not good practice, but certainly did not constitute bullying, for example, and that a simple apology was response enough.

Youcannotbeserious · 04/03/2008 13:26

agreed, Blu.

In fact, tell her to bring it on.

I think it would be good to have a serious discussion about what is and isn't acceptable.

I think this girl might find that leaving site without permission and spending several hours recovering from the horror of someone raising their voice doesn't go down too well...

Just as well she didn't work at my last place - She'd never have survived!!

Kindersurpise · 04/03/2008 13:27

Sorry to hear about your Grandad.

I think that you were unreasonable to shout at her (but very understandable given the circumstance), but then you know that already.

I am very surprised that it is found acceptable that this girl is behaving in such an appalling way. Crying to get her own way is something that my 6yo DD has grown out of. As for going home because you shouted at her, completely unacceptable.

She could have got in touch with HR or her manager if she had a grievance with you. She could have come to you and discussed the matter calmly. She went home and then verbally abused you when you phoned to apologise.

There is no way in hell that I would be apologising to this manipulative schemer. You apologised for your behaviour, it is time she apologised for telling you to f off, and for her dreadful attitude.

SheikYerbouti · 04/03/2008 13:28

Your colloegues sound barking

What sort of company is it?

DoodleToYou · 04/03/2008 13:28

Message withdrawn

AitchTwoOh · 04/03/2008 13:29

true story. you should report it to your manager, just to keep yourself fair and square.