To think i shouldn't have to pay maintenance?

[BrokenAndAfraid]

i met my ex when he didn't have a visa so couldn't work, married him to get that visa (had one child by then) . I was very young and naive. He couldn't work so didn't give up a job to become a homemaker. I had to work 2 jobs as we wasnt entitled to benefits, so got pregnant with second child so I could go on maternity leave and stay at home for awhile.
he eventually got a visa but only ever worked part time - had no drive to get a better job. Refused to even look for work when i was on maternity. Whislt he did look after the children as I worked (through no choice of my own) i was expected to do all the housework and used to spend my whole weekend cleaning. (Not his job acording yo him)
10 years later i saw the light and left.
Now going through the divorce - and trying for a clean break but been told he's entitled to half my pension!!! And to possibly ofset it with the £100 a month he gives me for our children. He doesn't have them or contribute in any other way.
how can that be fair?? We both work part time now and claim universal credit.
what can I do? Should I argue it out in court (which could be costly) ??
or I am Unreasonably for thinking he shouldn't get maintenance

So many righteous folks berating the OP who has a pension and 3 months’ rent in savings.

Given some of the threads I’ve read, she’s made as many good choices as she has bad ones

@BrokenAndAfraid
Why do you keep going on about being shocked when you found out you could get paid maternity leave? Are you in the UK? Because paid maternity leave is a statutory right in the UK and has been for quite a long time. It shouldn’t have been surprising news, nor should it have been a reason to have another baby.

Paid leave from my work as in 6 months full pay then drops to statuary

Some of the right wing frothers on here! Benefits, immigrants! No wonder it has them excited and spouting so much rubbish. It’s embarrassing!
How on Earth has the OP “played the system”?! It costs thousands to get indefinite leave to remain in this country and for the majority of the time there is no recourse to public funds!

Op I also married very young (20) to a foreigner, who was also a cocklodger! It’s not always easy to tell and there was no mumsnet back then. We didn’t have children and luckily he remarried very quickly after our divorce meaning coming for my assets was no longer possible and he didn’t get anything.

Please please get proper legal advice here and don’t rely on posters giving their inaccurate view. There is a mumsnet truism that being married entitles you to half someone’s assets. This is not necessarily the case. 5 years is a short marriage so yours would be medium not long and 50/50 is the starting point for the divisions , it’s not the be all and end all. The court would also look at the needs of the parties and in particlaur the needs of any children. You have a modest pension and no other assets. If you are going to be the resident parent and primary caregiver you will face higher costs for the childcare and you will have less opportunity to maximise your earnings (particularly if you have mental health issues), meaning that you are less likely to be able to contribute to a pension going forwards. This is something the court would consider along with the very small amount of child support/maintenance your ex is offering. I would raise these points and justify why you should be entitled to a higher %of the pension. If your ex is not working and won’t be entitled to legal aid will he also have the resources to be able to fight this in court? If not, I would push hard for onthis. Don’t give him anything without good legal advice first.

Good luck

Haha exactly that! We bloody pay taxes too

I don’t know how old you are but that pension pot is barely worth it. He only gets a portion of what you currently have. Get a lawyer and agree he gets a portion of that pot as it stands when you retire and he pays child maintenance.

Try to broker a deal, I know it feels most unfair when you know he could have worked.

this works both ways when women work part time or sahm are entitled to half.

interestingly through my divorce I was told 10 years was not long enough to warrant a lot, so speak to a solicitor.

I know a few women this has happened to, so good luck and get a solicitor!!!

So yes that is exactly what will happen. My STBEH never liked work much. He unilaterally decided he would stop at home with the kids leaving me to work. Note he did this only when they were in full time school, he did no night feeds or any of the difficult bits. He had a nice lifestyle, left cleaning to me and only did half the cooking. Then now I am in my fifties he has left for a younger model.

Settlement will be half of all marital assets- my hard saved pension and the savings only I contributed to. He will be asked to work, but I will finish up paying some spousal maintenance. I am not clear on how much but it will be significant.

I have said this before but younger women beware. If life is not equal then it can go very badly for you. I will not be poor, but I was looking forward to a really good retirement. Not so now.

I loved and trusted him. With hindsight I was a right mug.

🤣

I’m guessing your pension is very low. Pensions with a value of under £100000 can be ignored by the court. As you are both young, you both have time to make up your pensions. Be thankful you didn’t own the house when you met him or he’d want half of that. If your pension is all you have and he has nothing - is it worth him taking you to court? I’d be grateful he’s happy for you to keep the children - if he has been main caregiver he could go for custody and argue he gave up work to look after them- some ppl are willing to lie. Have you any debts? Savings? These can be taken into consideration too. Good luck

You’ve had some very harsh words on here OP, it’s depressing. You know what your contribution was, and what his was, and what’s fair. Unfortunately the law can’t see into the inside of your relationship to weigh that up, so it errs on the side of assuming an equal contribution. Boy does that suck when you know it wasn’t that though.
Also for PPs who are dismissing OPs pension as not very much: a small amount makes a much bigger difference when you only have a small amount than a big amount when you have a lot.

Wow this thread proper attracted the self righteous idiots didn't it.
Ignore them OP I hope they don't end up to injured when they fall off that high horse.

I feel for you OP. I really wish more people avoided rushing into marriage without really thinking it through. It's a legally binding contract and not really anything to do with "love".

@Throwncrumbs OP may be highlighting how many hours she has to be at work, as not all work places require employees to take a full hour (I think 20mins is the legal minimum, saving 3 hours a week)

He has don’t what a lot of wealthy SAHM do all the time. Do not work, have a nanny and a cleaner so do not really work at home either and then divorce and get half of all assets.
righly so all the posters in here defend him.
is this legal? Yes? Is it morally questionable? No. But there is a different moral compass for SAHM

There was a similar marriage scam going around when I was young too, a couple of Nigerian young women who were friends of my close friend who was a Nigerian woman did this too. I was also told I could do this to get easy money but refused.

Sorry OP, I have worked in a law firm which dealt with both immigration and divorce and the information you’ve got is probably correct. You might be worth going back to your solicitor and asking more questions but what you’ve posted so far sounds correct.

We had a couple of similar immigration and divorce cases but this was approx 5 years ago.

When I worked with divorce lawyers we often thought couples before marrying should have some sort of proper talks or advice rather than “marry and it’ll be fine”. Don’t some religions offer the pre marriage advice or am I being naive?

Pre nups which we also dealt (eg drawing up or looking over them and advising on them before marriage or drawing them up ourselves) with were the closest thing where we sort of tried to advise people but in the end most people proceeded regardless with rose tinted glasses on.

Mediation is fine after things go wrong but a bit like bolting the stable door after the horse has bolted.

I can’t get past the point that the OP had a second child ‘to get time off work’ 😶

@OrdinaryGirl the op isn't the brightest bulb in the pack, I was on my knees with exhaustion during my 2nd maternity leave. It certainly wasn't time off to have a jolly.

same rules for all, split assets. How is it unfair?

@Screwballs nailed it. I can't believe the vote is as divided as it is. Wtaf 🫤