To think i shouldn't have to pay maintenance?

[BrokenAndAfraid]

i met my ex when he didn't have a visa so couldn't work, married him to get that visa (had one child by then) . I was very young and naive. He couldn't work so didn't give up a job to become a homemaker. I had to work 2 jobs as we wasnt entitled to benefits, so got pregnant with second child so I could go on maternity leave and stay at home for awhile.
he eventually got a visa but only ever worked part time - had no drive to get a better job. Refused to even look for work when i was on maternity. Whislt he did look after the children as I worked (through no choice of my own) i was expected to do all the housework and used to spend my whole weekend cleaning. (Not his job acording yo him)
10 years later i saw the light and left.
Now going through the divorce - and trying for a clean break but been told he's entitled to half my pension!!! And to possibly ofset it with the £100 a month he gives me for our children. He doesn't have them or contribute in any other way.
how can that be fair?? We both work part time now and claim universal credit.
what can I do? Should I argue it out in court (which could be costly) ??
or I am Unreasonably for thinking he shouldn't get maintenance

Had a 2nd child to get time off work...heard it all now. Shocking.

No way is this a genuine question. No way.

Without doing calcs, I'd say saving pension and negotiate with his maintenance.

Hmm give him 50,,% of pension now or forgo £100 per month for 10 years....my questions to a financial / legal expert would be around qualifying the £100 / MTH stream of money:
*Is he committed to paying that much?
*Will it vary over time- ie reduce if he stops working, reduce when 1st child reaches 18
*Could it increase based on any increase in income or take into account inflation?
*What if he moves back to home country?

How was the £100 calculated? Did it assume no other payments- IE for school stuff trips presents etc

For you- can you cover the extra £100 (I think if maintenance, it's not classed as income so no tax, impact on UC etc, but you could have to earn more than that to end up with the same amount...). Remember too, if it never increases and stays fixed, it will be worth a LOT less in 10years.

Whether you had made questionable decisions or not, the question remains the same. You need to look after yourself and your kids- how best to do this.

Good luck.

All this is a tiny amount of money either way.

I'd get a bit of legal advice then just go to court and self represent after mediation sessions (possibly free - there was government funding if you ask for child arrangements to be looked at as well).

How easy is it to split your pension and give him a percentage of that? If you have the kids slightly more it may be a 60:40 split of any assets anyway.

You may be better off giving him the money as a % of your pension rather than giving him cash now. Realistically £38k isn't going to give you much per month anyway and you may even be better off with no private pension and getting pension credit, for example, in retirement

I can't put into words my desperation to be with my first born child. It broke my heart having to leave her. I was having to work 8am in the morning till 10pm at night. At that time he wasn't allowed to work and I just always thought then when he can he will. If I could turn back time which unfortunately none of us can, I would have left him then and enjoyed my time with my youngest. So when I found out I could get paid maternity leave from my work I took it. I wanted a big family and another baby. Stupid - very but it can't be changed so just trying to move forward now.

Yep he probably is

He stayed home to look after the kids while you worked, so the wealth you accumulated in that time has to be split.

It is fair, because he did do that job, however much of a waste of space he may have been outside it

👌🏼

Yabu op. Yes he should get something. He was married to you and raising the kids for 10 years.

You can't just make him leave if he is on the tenancy. He might want to make you leave op. Let's not be sexist.

He has already moved in elsewhere. I used all of my savings to pay for 3 months rent upfront, 2 years ago then he went on a monthly rolling contract.

Him being a cocklodger is irrelevant though.

OP was working full time while they were together, in fact she had two jobs & said she was working 8am - 10pm.

Now he’s gone & is NOT pulling his weight with the children, OP is only able to work part time (under 25hrs it seems) and has said she will return to full time work when she no longer needs childcare so it’s clear his “contribution” allowed her to work and build up her pension ergo he’s entitled to a share of it.

The fact he didn’t do housework or carry the mental load is irrelevant.

I owned my house, was working and claiming tax credits. When he moved in I lost the tax credits and the single person council tax discount. He offered to cover what I'd lost for now and we'd sort finances properly after we were married. He was working in a better paid job than me.

That never happened.

He continued to pay me the small amount of money we agreed initially. This meant all of my income was going on the essentials like utility bills, food, etc., while he had lots of disposable income to spend on himself.

He started drinking heavily and beating me up. I managed to get Women's Aid involved who got him out of the house and he was cautioned with assaulting me.

I obviously divorced him. However under the current law, he was entitled to claim some of the equity in the house and I had to pay him a large lump sum.

So basically he moved in, cock lodged, beat me up and then I had to pay him off.

The law sucks at times.

What a life. OP, I really hope you’re more switched on these days.

has he got indefinite leave to remain or citizenship?

Yes he has indefinite leave to remain now

You supported him financially throughout the marriage so yes, he will get half your pension. Why wouldn’t he? That’s how it is when the sexed are reversed, you’re not exempt because you’re a woman?

God comments like this give me the rage

These threads are so funny because people really don’t understand how UC works yet they have so much to say. My sister works full time and earns roughly £2.3K a month. She still gets £1K in UC!

So many people work full time and STILL get UC. Do some research before you comment nonsense

@MinnieTruck agree you summed it up perfectly. Its quite clear people are jealous of something they don't even understand. I do think though there needs to be a separate topic for this and not as many people would click it unless it applied to them. Listing figures does sound a lot because £1000 could include a rent of £700 and £300 in childcare as a single parent.

@Barbiesback yep I agree with you. The figures make it seem like people are receiving SO much money but when your childcare is £600 and your rent is £1450, it really isn’t much!

I do wish the people commenting would at least have some sort of knowledge on how UC works first. The OP would work full time and still receive UC anyway….

@MinnieTruck the old system was better I think the name of UC has a bad rep because its an umbrella benefit. Like your sister is earning a good wage, you then have similar to OP and then you may have someone who is on full UC and no wage. It's baffling because you can't possibly know which is which without having an understanding and still people shout "my taxes". We too pay tax 😀

I think it's fair that marital assets are split.

Obviously he should contribute fairly to parenting.

What I've learnt today:
cocklodger - brilliant term !
a lot of mumsnetters have never made mistakes !
he is lawfully entitled to half my pension !