Pppftttt so irritated!
Will keep to short points to not bore!
Moved to a new area a few years back.
Woman walked passed me on my way out one day and said hi, got talking and realised she was a neighbour (lives 5 doors down).
Was grateful she approached me, as I DH and goldfishes :) had just moved in and didn't know anyone.
Fast forward 3.5 years; since that day, we've maintained what I hoped was a friendship growing, but I've recently concluded, she's just a fake self absorbed attention seeking friend, who likes to live secluded in her own world, with the comfort of knowing she has a genuine caring friend in me, at her convenience!
Over the entire 3.5 years, we've met maximum 5 times! Any efforts she has made, have piggybacked on my relentless efforts to build a friendhsip, patience and flexibility to suit her forever 'doom and gloom' circumstances, which frankly speaking, I now believe were insanely exaggerated! Mostly around her PILs (I'm guessing this is MN term for parent in laws)!
Half way through this time, after she'd ghosted me on plans a ridiculous number of times (half of which she'd ask for my availability with enthusiasm), after I made myself available, I sent her a very mature message saying in short, I don't have the confidence to make more plans with her and called her out politely on flaking and disrespecting me by disrespecting my time, and that, while I've been insanely understanding of her family commitments (she runs around her very capable PILs and high school child), that I also have a life and if anything, I work FT (she doesn't work, and her PILs live half hour away) in a stressful job and was making myself available on very precious free time, only to be left hanging with no alternative plans and many a precious day going to pot!.
She immediately apologised and we arranged lunch (this was last December) and she made the commitment, and because I valued our 'friendship', I gave her a second chance. But then nothing from her since.
But then we bumped into each other at the local shop 2 months ago, and she was acting all pally pally and in conversation mentioned how she takes our friendship for granted because I'm just down the road! I thought this was cheeky as f and remained short with her until I could shake her off, because I found her fake over enthusiasm so jarring at this point!
After, I actually thought, F THIS, I'm done expecting anything from this woman and cracked on with my life.
Now she's sent me a random message telling me how they had to take her FIL to hospital and how she hopes I'm well. No other context, no how are you? Can we talk? Nothing! I know he had a health scare last year and have no idea if he has now died!
I absolutely detest such attention seeking sophisticated messages from anyone and shes F notorious for them! Like be straight up! I don't have time to decode messages! Unless it's a close family or friend, then I'd understand it totally differently!
I actually didn't know how to reply, and have simply sent well wishes and that I'm also very busy my best friend is getting married and she knows this! We've exchanged a few more messages with her taking the sophisticated attention seeking approach of how stressful 'it' has all been for her, while wishing I'm having fun! I mean, does she want me to apologise for having fun with wedding festivities? Absolutely the f not! So I've persevered with the surface level platonic responses to her nonsense, without giving her an ounce of attention for 'her life', and no comments on the obvious offensive 'poor me here while you're having loads of fun'!
She then told me she's there for me if I need her (same old empty words everytime - given she's so obviously not dependable or reliable!... just total sounds good bs!) got me a present from a weekend away, and if she could 'drop it off'. Yes. She's never been inside my home, nor invited me into hers, because she's always 'oh so rushed and busy'. Even though isn't that what neighbour friends do - invite each other over once you mutually understand you're friends? I simply told her I needed head space and was busy with my life and wedding and would get back to her when I can.
I don't want her gift, nor do I want to drag out this strange whatever you want to call it.
I know I may come across as really unfriendly. I swear I'm the opposite. I am a genuine friend, make lots of effort, yet not clingy or needy, just a genuine friend!
And I'm always nice to her kids, husband and PILs when I see them (and will of course maintain neighbourly courtesy smiles and greetings when I see her - which really is rarely - and her kids).
My definition of friendship involves being in each others lives, meeting up as regularly as realistically possible, and knowing the basics of each others lives. So much has happened in my life over the last three years, and this neighbour barely knows any of it, because our few catch ups have been her [as I now recognise in hindsight] emotional dumping and me offering a genuine ear, handholding somewhat and sound advice!
I work FT. I have a life and can always find something to do. I make time for the people I like. I just feel a little put out with her and a irritated for making so much wasted effort towards her and her children (lots of gifting on my part at Xmas, Easter etc, and for her).
I feel confused about what the F she actually wants from me. I mean we live 5 doors apart! I have better friendships with friends who live hours and even countries apart!
AIBU IN MY JUDGMENT OF HER BEING A FLAKY FAKE SELF ABSORBED RECLUSIVE FRIEND?
I would genuinely appreciate other people's opinions on this sort of behaviour! Because regardless of my judgement, I still just don't get it!
And how do I shake her off fully?! After my last attempt, I really don't want to whats the word, erm, dignify her bs with another mature text officially ending our whatever she wants to call it! She's just not that important!
It's bothering me knowing she'll send me a 'seasonal message' as self assurance that I'm still around!
Apologies for the language. I'm pissed off! 😤