To think it’s utter hell working with extroverted people when you’re introverted?

[beeonmybonnett]

I work in an office and I really am the most introverted person there. I always have been quiet and shy. Don’t get me wrong, I am pleasant and will always try to make conversation with others, even if they aren’t talking to me.

There is one person in particular who I would say is very extroverted. She’s always chatting away to everyone and never shuts up, she’s always laughing and giggling and making jokes with everyone. She’s the type of person who everybody knows because she’s very much “out there” and is very popular.

I know that second paragraph makes me sound very jealous of her, but honestly I’m not. Despite how I’ve described her, we do get on very well and have never had any conflict but she is a bit full of her own self importance at times, it’s so cringey when she’s sitting making jokes and thinks she’s a comedian.

I just find it so uncomfortable. I’m just a quiet person, I always have been, that’s just me and that’s how I am which I’m not ashamed of. It’s not that I’m rude and never speak to anyone, because I do. I just find it more difficult to come out of my shell.

I always seek to contribute to group conversations, I don’t want to be some kind of oddball who just sits there and doesn’t contribute to any conversations, but she’s constantly talking and it’s actually very difficult to get a word in edgeways sometimes.

I don’t begrudge her for being extroverted, that’s fine, that’s just the way she is, just like I’m introverted and that’s also fine but I just find it so uncomfortable because I never have much to talk about and I look incredibly boring and they’re probably thinking I don’t have much of a life outside of work!

Can anyone relate to me and agree that this feels like hell at times? If you have any tips, please do share!

I'm an introvert. I like people but I find constant chatter so draining. I get headaches and feel exhausted being around very exuberant people for a long period of time, even if they're fun, nice etc. I just want to go and lie down in a dark room. It's like torture at work.

Please check out the other thread running on this topic and be very aware that an introvert gets their energy from time alone, and many many introvert’s are not quiet and shy, and many introvert’s have lots of confidence and can happily do public speaking and presentations

i am a confident, socially competent introvert who can talk to 2000 people in a conference lecture theatre, and then need the whole weekend on my own to decompress

Extroversion does not mean someone is a chatterbox and introversion does not mean quiet and shy. People really need to learn what the words mean.

I feel for you, op. She sounds like my nightmare. I am an ambivert, so not a stereotypical introvert, and definitely not an extrovert. Loud, constantly talking, giggling show-offs suck the life right out of me. I would do my best to be pleasant but not engage unless necessary. That's all you can do, really.

That’s so me.

Somtimes when they’re all sitting chatting amongst each other, I feel like an inanimate object just sitting there!

Most times I go to say something, she’s starting to say something else and is right on in there ahead of me so I have to stop what I’m saying - nobody even knows I’ve attempted to speak because she’s so loud and outgoing whereas I’m more quiet natured and more subdued

Maybe not, but I am introverted and she most definitely is extroverted.

I just have to fake laugh at times - I feel like I’ll be judged if I don’t respond to her jokes at all whilst other people are laughing, but I truth is I don’t find half of them funny.

This exactly, I'm an extrovert who HATES public speaking!

I like being around extroverts because it suits my introvert personality IMO - they do most of the talking and I do most of the listening.

Yep this is me. I can "perform" very well at work and chair complex meetings and forums and hold my own, but outside of those times I have to have +++ alone time to regulate again and recharge. Socially unless there are a few different activities I can only do a couple of hours chat then I start to shutdown and need time out.

Went to a wedding this weekend and am literally burnt out. Will have a quiet week to recover.

I’m the same in some situations but in situations like the one I’m referring to in my OP, I absolutely detest it. I find it so uncomfortable and I just want to get up and run away.

I do my best to hide my unease but they can probably tell to some extent.

I mean, it just sounds like you don't like her. That is allowed.

There is one person in particular who I would say is very extroverted. She’s always chatting away to everyone and never shuts up, she’s always laughing and giggling and making jokes with everyone.

That doesn't mean she's necessarily an extrovert, though. Not all extroverts are loud and chatty. Not all introverts are quiet and shy.

Being extrovert means you gain your mental energy from being around others and have an outward focus, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you show that by being loud and talkative. Some extroverts simply get mental stimulation from being around others, without feeling the need to talk or make jokes at all.

Being an introvert means you have a more inward focus and find it exhausting being around others all the time - their mental energy is drained by the presence of others. But that doesn't mean they're quiet or shy. Some introverts are very much like your colleague when they're around other people, and talk a lot and make jokes, because that's one of the ways they can relate to and energise others - those kinds of introverts tend to need a lot of time alone as a break from 'performing.'

I have already explained in my OP that I get on well with her - I just find her constant loudness and joke making a bit cringeworthy at times because half of the jokes aren’t really that funny - it makes me feel uncomfortable because I’m introverted.

That does not mean I dislike her. I genuinely don’t dislike her in any way.

This isn't really advice, but I think lots of extroverted people like being around introverted people because they make the room feel calmer, and they seem like they consider their thoughts and actions more than others.

You're probably not coming across as boring as you think you are. Boring people talk a lot (about very boring stuff, in a very boring voice).

No, you are quiet and shy and she is loud and noisy. These are not the definition of introvert and extrovert. This is the point us loud and noisy in the office introverts are trying to make.

I'm introvert and quiet but I LOVE working with loud people. I like hearing the hubbub of what's going on their lives but I'm lucky in that I find it really easy to concentrate on work and zone noise out if I need to probably because I had to commute and concentrate on my driving to nursery with DS screaming every day.

I'd rather that than working in a quiet area where I might feel pressure to fill the silence.😃

She is very much extroverted though. I work with her most days so I know myself. She knows “everyone” and is always so popular and around everyone.

That’s just not my personality. I do find her constant need to make everyone laugh a bit draining tbh. Everyone thinks she sun shines out of her backside but she’s no more special than anyone else tbh.

again, I don’t dislike her. We have always had a very positive relationship and I can’t see that Changing. I just find her extrovertness a bit draining and annoying at times because I can’t get a word in sometimes, but when we speak to each other we always get on the very best so I have no issues with her .

She has to be extroverted, because she’s always with people and talking to people - even when we walk to the canteen, she spends about half an hour talking to people from other departments - people I don’t even know so she obviously does get her energy from being around people whereas I just want to and sit down in a quiet corner by myself!

I don’t mind her being extroverted, I just find it when I feel like everyone’s eyes are on her and I can’t get to say what I want to say

One of the reasons I was glad to retire... peace!

You're literally unhappy because someone else is happy & confident?

You say you're an introvert but actually you're unhappy that you don't get to have everyone hear your opinion?

You say you're an introvert but you're obsessing about what others think about you?

You say you're an introvert but you fake laugh because you're scared what they will think of you if you don't fit in by seeming like them?

All of which sounds like attention seeking and/or garden variety insecurity.

MNrs have the weirdest idea of what introverism is.

it's fine if you find her exhausting because she's domineering, OP. This is a normal way to perceive some others.

She’s always chatting away to everyone and never shuts up, she’s always laughing and giggling and making jokes with everyone. She’s the type of person who everybody knows because she’s very much “out there” and is very popular.

As others have said, this is nit defining her as an extrovert.

'always' laughing, giggling & making jokes could be a sign of lack of confidence. It could also be very annoying to be around, and that might be what you are experiencing.

When I was younger I rarely shut up. I had been a very quiet self-conscious teen; I forced myself to be more outgoing, and felt I had to talk a lot & be always on. It wasn't extroversion. It was playing a certain role.

I do like talking to people, as it happens. I've elements of being an extrovert, but I also need time to myself & to recharge

It's far more complex than you present here

A lot of stereotypes of what an “introvert” does and likes. I’m an introvert but public speaking and doing a well-prepared presentation to a room full of strangers proper gets me buzzing. I’m also happy enough to make small talk at events, I just put on my “game face”.

OP I recommend the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking” by Susan Cain. I am like you and was always very self conscious of it, but reading that book helped me come to terms with it and understand that it’s just the way we are!

Sounds like you don't like your colleague. That's fine. Maybe she senses your dislike and goes into nervous chatter mode.