To think it’s utter hell working with extroverted people when you’re introverted?

[beeonmybonnett]

I work in an office and I really am the most introverted person there. I always have been quiet and shy. Don’t get me wrong, I am pleasant and will always try to make conversation with others, even if they aren’t talking to me.

There is one person in particular who I would say is very extroverted. She’s always chatting away to everyone and never shuts up, she’s always laughing and giggling and making jokes with everyone. She’s the type of person who everybody knows because she’s very much “out there” and is very popular.

I know that second paragraph makes me sound very jealous of her, but honestly I’m not. Despite how I’ve described her, we do get on very well and have never had any conflict but she is a bit full of her own self importance at times, it’s so cringey when she’s sitting making jokes and thinks she’s a comedian.

I just find it so uncomfortable. I’m just a quiet person, I always have been, that’s just me and that’s how I am which I’m not ashamed of. It’s not that I’m rude and never speak to anyone, because I do. I just find it more difficult to come out of my shell.

I always seek to contribute to group conversations, I don’t want to be some kind of oddball who just sits there and doesn’t contribute to any conversations, but she’s constantly talking and it’s actually very difficult to get a word in edgeways sometimes.

I don’t begrudge her for being extroverted, that’s fine, that’s just the way she is, just like I’m introverted and that’s also fine but I just find it so uncomfortable because I never have much to talk about and I look incredibly boring and they’re probably thinking I don’t have much of a life outside of work!

Can anyone relate to me and agree that this feels like hell at times? If you have any tips, please do share!

You’re blaming your lack of social ease on her taking up social bandwidth. This is a You problem.

Indeed. And using "introversion" (inaccurately) as a dog whistle to other socially anxious or uncomfortable people to get them to gang up on this woman and others like her. It's pretty unpleasant.

Happens a lot with people who describe themselves as "introverts" I've noticed. There's an attitude of "I'm so much deeper and more thoughtful than those shallow noisy extroverts." It's why I get so irritated with people misunderstanding what introversion/extraversion is.

@Beezknees

Happens a lot with people who describe themselves as "introverts" I've noticed. There's an attitude of "I'm so much deeper and more thoughtful than those shallow noisy extroverts." It's why I get so irritated with people misunderstanding what introversion/extraversion is.

Totally. It's a get-out-of-jail-free card for socially awkward or jealous people to pick on more socially gifted people and badge themselves as "interesting" as they do so. Clever trick initially but really lame and people can see through it now.

Plus its simplistic and insulting to actual introverts to tar them all as socially inept (which the real picture is far more complicated). Not to mention to extroverts by painting them all as shallow, noisy show-offs.

I'm really sick of it.

Gosh yes! The chatty noise!

Absolutely, Bees and Purple!

I am sick to the back teeth of people claiming Introversion when they mean Socially Inept, or claiming Anxiety when they mean Feel Kind Of Anxious.

Everyone feel anxious in many circumstances, it’s not a condition. Actual anxiety is totally crippling.

Many confident, assertive people are introverts; many shy people are extroverts. My introvert DH can command an audience of over a thousand and my extrovert DD can’t speak in public.

In addition, being more socially awkward doesn’t make you special, clever or deeper than someone who likes to engage. Outgoing people are no shallower than you, OP, they just behave differently in social settings.

Calling someone “cringe” is pretty much the opposite of liking and respecting them.

My family is pretty evenly split between introverts and extroverts. We skew slightly to Socially Confident, but that’s because of the introverts being so good socially.

Your lazy stereotypes and pass/agg gripes at this poor woman only show you in a poor light.

There will always be people who irritate you especially in an office environment. You just need to accept we are all different, allow her to be her without judgement and just be yourself. For all you know she could feel same about you.

Yep. I'm an extrovert and I hate public speaking! I just simply get stressed if I spend too much time alone and I'm at my best when I'm around others. In my team at work I'm one of the quieter people!

I agree. There is a lazy trope emerging of extroverts being seen as boorish imbeciles just because they enjoy a level of social competence

In addition, being more socially awkward doesn’t make you special, clever or deeper than someone who likes to engage. Outgoing people are no shallower than you, OP, they just behave differently in social settings.

I've had experience of this in a job interview where I was sneered at for being outgoing, positive and articulate. I think some socially awkward types like to assume extroverts are stupid airheads because it gives them a misguided sense of kudos. This possibly explains the popularity of appropriating introversion as an identity rather than as a personality type.

Some people are over friendly and whilst they tend to make a lot more noise, it's not necessarily a good thing!

I'm afraid the word 'bubbly' comes to mind. I always shudder when I hear that someone is/was 'bubbly'. To me, it summons up an image of a giggly, loud, insensitive nuisance with a head full of fluff and pink candy floss. But people like this are certainly popular!

This is a classic example of the militant dislike of the socially confident which I see everywhere at the moment:

Turn this on its head for a moment and imagine someone posting

"I'm afraid when the word 'shy/reserved' comes to mind I always shudder. To me it summons up an image of a dull, anxious and miserable type who overthinks every minor social interaction and thinks they are deeper and more interesting than everyone else because they have a hard time projecting their personality."

Leaving aside the fact that "bubbly" is sexist...

Why is it that the socially anxious now have carte blanche to lay into people who have any kind of social presence? You don't like the cut of their jib because you've overheard them having a laugh with their colleagues?

It's OK to do it if you're "introverted" because you're a victim of society and have hidden depths, but people who have a laugh at the works do or can do a decent work presentation deserve everything they get?

Nah. It's largely just jealousy.

People like that just tire me out

Omg, this sounds like a complete nightmare!! I’m an introvert but also sensitive to noise; the constant chatter will drive me bonkers!! To the person who said ‘it sounds like you don’t like her’- with these things isn’t about the person, it is about the constant noise they produce and the fact you have to be constantly engaged (cause they never shut up!) - and both of those are draining to introverts. Introverts recharge by being on their own/ in a quiet environment or at least not having to be ‘on’ and this is the exact opposite of that.

@PeloMom So you fix it by getting noise cancelling headphones...

I'm incredibly sensitive to noise and also am introvert. I also sit opposite/around some very loud chatty people at work sometimes. So I've invested in noise cancelling headphones. That way they're happy and I'm happy.

@Curiosity101 agreed! It sounds like the lady expects others to engage/ respond to her though. Don’t know how much OP would stick out if she did that (and if she wants to do that) but absolutely, it’s a solutuon.

That’s me ! I come across as outgoing and social. However, I need to mentally prepare to be like this (always feel I need to make people happy and to make all the effort ) and then need a few days afterword of time on my own and silence. I’m at my happiest browsing alone in a book shop on a quiet day. You’d never know that if you saw me in social situations.