Only permitted to spend 6/24hrs/day with my newborn

[Calmondeck]

Newborn turns 1 month old today. 3 days before he was born, I was diagnosed with a serious medical issue. I have had major surgery, requiring a week in ICU and am at the beginning of months of rehabilitation. I am allowed to spend 6 hours a day with my newborn, which is breaking my heart. AIBU to pretend I am better than I am so I can convinced doctors and DH to let me have more time with him? I’m worried that I’ll forever lose the chance to form an attachment

Are you still in hospital?

It sounds like a very difficult situation, but you already have a bond with baby before they're even born. Your health is important, make the most of the time you have with him and focus on getting better 💐

I think more info is needed.

Who isn’t letting you? The drs or DH?

Are you still in hospital and what is wrong with you?

This is such a weird condition OP, I’m sorry. It’s kind of hard to know if you’re being U or not without knowing a) what you’re recovering from
and b) who is recommending this, but you’re certainly not U to find it hard.

My baby was in NICU for 3 months and I was able to see him for a similar amount of time. It's awful to experience, but it doesn't mean you loose the chance to form an attachment.

Who is saying 6hrs? Are you in hospital or at home?

My heart genuinely breaks for you but my only caution here is that is there a risk that by pretending to feel better could you then actually make yourself worse by being up and about more if you see what I mean? So that then you end up spending even more time away from baby?

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I've had a baby in NICU and every moment apart from them just feels so wrong.

You won't lose the chance for attachment. Dts were in NICU, I didn't see them for six hours a day. Is it to help you heal, whatever you've been through?

Think of it this way, fathers don't lose the ability to form a bond with their babies because they're back to work after 2 weeks. They still build it up over a childhood of quality, loving interactions. I know as a mother you're probably physically feeling that distance from your baby but assuming it's what you need (and we have little to go on here, understandably) then as hard as it is you may need to do it. But your opportunity is not lost.

Congratulations on your baby.

Please don't do this. Both baby and your H need you as well as you can be. If you're home before you're not ready and something goes wrong and you need urgent medical care it could be disastrous for everyone involved. You have a better chance at recovery by following your doctors care plan for you.

You will have already formed an unbreakable bond with your baby. You can maybe try things like:

Get H to bring a stack of clean muslins and put them against your skin and wear them for a good few hours. Ziploc baggie them and H can place it over babies chest/around neck while he's feeling baby. Or towels baby can wrapped around after bath time. Baby will then be able to smell you.

Facetime in the morning when baby wakes up. They won't be able to see you clearly just yet and I can understand you not wanting baby to have screen time but baby will be able to hear you. Read baby a book, sing a lullaby at bedtime. Have facetime on and although difficult for H to be holding the phone or ipad you'll be able to hear what's happening as well.

Make sure H is (I'm sure he already is) sending you pics and videos of everything.

Help choose some outfits for the days ahead.

Choose some baby toys for ypur little one or soft books.

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this.

you will form a strong attachment with your baby when you are better and able to come out of hospital. if you lie and say you are better, you might have another crisis and be separated from baby for longer.

be patient - your baby is well looked after and will bond with you and know you

It’s impossible to say without knowing why you’re in the hospital. If the doctors and your DH think that it’s a risk to your baby to be around you for longer then I think you need to follow medical advice. That’s the only reason I can think of that would warrant anyone restricting access to your newborn baby.

It must be incredibly difficult. You have been through an incredibly difficult time. Hard enough without having just given birth! ICU is traumatic enough at the best of times.
I can completely understand wanting to be with your baby 24 hrs a day! It must be so hard. But I do think you have to focus on your rehabilitation. Relish those 6 hours with your precious baby and know that the rest of your time is just as vital for your baby as s/he needs a well and strong mother for the months, years and decades ahead.
Take heart from other parents who had to leave tiny babies in nicu for long periods but also built wonderful bonds with their children.
Sending you all best wishes for good recovery and rehabilitation

Dont pretend to be better than you are. Your baby needs you to be as healthy as possible. As others have said the bond will be there but there are positive steps you can take.
-record your voice reading stories or singing songs and make your other half play them to the baby regularly

• Get a baby blanket and keep it with you so it smells like you and then swap it for a new one when you sent the baby home so the baby takes the one that smells like you

-write the babies letters and cards

Any doctor worth his certificates won't be fooled.
No OP, you need to be better so that you can be the parent your child deserves, not taken back to hospital because you didn't get the treatment you really needed.
There is more to parenting than just the newborn phase and you will form a bond with your child in your own time. Not what you want to hear but the priority now is your health.

Pretending you're better and pushing yourself too hard will just result in you needing to recover afresh and for longer.

In what was are they banning you from being with your baby? Who's providing primary care?

Don't pretend but do talk to them about how the time limit is making you feel. It's quite possible that some doctor has just said it in an offhand way, hoping that it just means you'll get plenty of rest, without realising that it's actually causing you a lot of distress and you'd actually feel much better and be more well-rested with much more time with your baby.

AIBU to pretend I am better than I am so I can convinced doctors and DH to let me have more time with him? I’m worried that I’ll forever lose the chance to form an attachment

In the kindest way OP, don't be so silly.

You need to recover. That means following the doctor's advice and staying in hospital as long as you need.

The alternative may well leave your son without a mother entirely.

Secondly, your bond won't be affected by you being in hospital. You have your whole life ahead of you to bond.

I was 2 months in hospital soon after my baby was born. It was dreadful and I feel for you. I would have done anything to get home sooner but I promise you now that I look back I know 100% the doctors etc were right. I needed that time to heal, so I could be properly there for her longer term. She’s 12 now and we have always had a strong attachment despite the rocky start (and I had far less than 6 hours a day with her).
Wishing you a really good recovery.

Your baby needs you well for the long term. Talk to your doctors and follow their advice.

OP, look up the IG of Grace Victory, she was in ICU and rehab for months following the birth of her baby. She has a lovely bond with her son and since went on to have a daughter.
Big hugs, I cant imagine how hard it is but think long term. Recover properly so you can be as fit and healthy as you can be for the rest of your childs life.

OP, we need more information.
It's difficult to know what to say or suggest otherwise.

Then you make the most of those 6 hours and focus on your recovery. Your baby isn't going to remember this time in their life.