Only permitted to spend 6/24hrs/day with my newborn

[Calmondeck]

Newborn turns 1 month old today. 3 days before he was born, I was diagnosed with a serious medical issue. I have had major surgery, requiring a week in ICU and am at the beginning of months of rehabilitation. I am allowed to spend 6 hours a day with my newborn, which is breaking my heart. AIBU to pretend I am better than I am so I can convinced doctors and DH to let me have more time with him? I’m worried that I’ll forever lose the chance to form an attachment

I had to leave my newborn in hospital for a week neonatal ward and we could visit for roughly 5/6 hours a day. It’s gut wrenching and you feel like you’re missing out but I promise you - you won’t lose the attachment and your baby needs you healthy so please let yourself recover x

Bless you , your body needs to heal , take the time to rest your body will need you whole,
I fought the battle hard to be with my baby 24 hours ,
once home I was exhausted and a worse mother for it
rest and recover for your baby
this time will pass
you will bond .
heart goes out to you but it’s like the thing on planes put your mask on first to help your people you need to be ok
for you r baby x

From a nicu nurse. (And a nicu mum)

You have absolutely already bonded! I know that because you've posted here...

If you push yourself when you're not ready you'll end up taking a step back and it'll take longer.

I always tell our mums they need to look after themselves first to enable them to be their baby's mum.

It's bloody awful not being able to be with your baby 24/7 though. Sending hugs 🤗

I seriously considered it. The ward also refused to support me to express so I could continue breastfeeding. The told me I should stop and bottle feed.

i gave birth in the same hospital and so I called the breast feeding support team myself to get a pump and bottles.

the ward I was on refused me access to a fridge. But the staff room door was left unlocked so I sneaked it in there for two days. Then they caught me and told me I couldn’t.

then I lost my temper and yelled that all they were doing was telling me what I couldn’t do and why would no one help me?

someone senior appeared and said perhaps I could use the fridge on the post natal ward.

so I did, though it meant me going there myself, three floors down in the lift sometime at 2am trailing my drip of anti biotics behind me.

i was so glad I fought through, I breast fed DC until they were two and it was very healing for us both when I came home.

but the experience triggered hyper vigilance and insomnia for me. I didn’t sleep a full night for a long time afterwards

Oh sweetheart, I know it's tough but it's important that you recover properly even if it means more time now in hospital than needing to be readmitted because you've relapsed by doing too much too soon.
It has to be hard having your toddler cling to their dad but it's a confusing time for them so it's understandable to be a little uncertain and clingy. Give it time and they should settle

I was sick in pregnancy, in and out of hospital and after he was born prematurely I pretended to be better so I could be discharged on day 6.
I steadily declined while trying to look well while visiting nicu but by week 4 it was obvious I was very sick again and I was taken to another hospital for surgery and kept there and couldn't see my baby at all. I was lucky that they let me pump and the nicu receptionist came to collect it daily.

My son is 7 now and the bond hasn't been affected by me not being there for a while

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time, but you don't need to be with him 24/7 to form an attachment! Please don't worry about that. I was literally with mine 24/7 including a hospital readmission and I had massive problems bonding and wasn't at all attached for months.

Concentrate on getting as much rest in as possible so you can recuperate. The sooner you're properly better the sooner you can enjoy more time with him. Not by faking being better.

I was admitted back to hospital for surgery a week after l gave birth.. they put me in my own room with a cot for baby.. had her w8th me 24/7.. she was exclusively breast fed and the nurses would help hold her to me..bath and change her.. but no way was l not being with her 24/7.
The hospital should arrange this for you.
No expressing.. just breast.
I had stitches and staples..

It is really hard being away from a new born and toddler too but the risk is you could make your condition worse and then need more time away in the future.
As far as bonding goes, you can still bond successfully. My daughter was in NICU for 4 months so i understand the worry.

I know my situation is not exactly the same, but here goes:

I was in a car accident with my then 5-year-old DS. It was bad, think helivacs, comas, and no idea if we would survive.

We spent a total of 6 months in hospitals and rehabilitation hospitals. The bad part was that we were separated and in different facilities.

My heart ached for my DS. He broke his spinal cord and I couldn't be there for him.

I had broken so many bones that I was in a wheelchair myself for over 18 months.

I was convinced that this would affect our relationship forever. I thought he would hate me for not being there at his worst moments and will never love me again.

We are 6 years on from that accident. We are as close, if not more than before.

I know it's not what you want to hear now, and was hard for me to understand at the time too, but concentrate on your own recovery so that you can be there for your kids for the rest of your life and this time in hospital ends up being just a blip in your past.

All the very best for you.

I appreciate that the surgery so soon after childbirth, and lengthy rehab must be hard, surely better that you recover as fully as you are able to now, rather than die and leave child without a mother, or are with him as a toddler but are physically unable to care for him?

I remember in my postnatal ward a lady being trollied in as she had similar injuries to yours (car accident before the birth) - the icu had allowed her to stay in the PN ward with her baby. Can you ask for something similar?

This is rationally true.

But it doesn’t prevent it being traumatic to live through.

for some people focusing on the long term can help.

but being told that’s all there is to it can feel like denial, and silencing.

it’s ok to be upset about something that is the right thing.

and angry that the resources are not there to support mothers of young babies to have their baby with them / more when the mother needs medical treatment.

@Jeffreybubblesbombom great you has that experience.

But if the hospital doesn’t class you as ‘post natal’ (which I think is both about how long after birth and the condition you are being treated for) there is no guarantee the ward you are on can or will support that.

my condition was, I was told, likely triggered by the long and traumatic labour four months previously. But on a general ward there were no facilities to support me bringing my baby, and no one to take responsibility for sorting that out. As I said, I did ask, they said no.

and they did laugh in a ‘we think it’s ridiculous you imagine we could or should resource that’ kind of way. They were run off their feet. Care was unsafe in many ways.

If u feel you would regret not attempting to see baby more then I'd try it. But I it makes you more poorly you might regret that too. The choice us yours really. How about extending the time by 15 mins a visit, see how that goes?

Best wishes BTW, in a very difficult situation and hope you both get home safely, quickly and well.x