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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these things don’t matter and you should save money for dc instead?

256 replies

leapgro · 11/09/2023 09:52

Genuinely interested as to whether it affects them etc.

DC coming up to 1, lots of people having big parties, even balloons costs 20 quid let alone everything else. Hiring venues etc. Same with expensive baby clothes, trips to legoland etc. Surely unless you enjoy this yourself/have enough money to waste, it’s not actually beneficial for the child? Or is it? Am I wrong?

OP posts:
DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 12:18

This reply has been deleted

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It's a waste for you, each to their own, it's absolutely not a waste for me. Every penny spent on my kids presents or parties was money well spent. The best presents for kids are not cheap, so what? Can't think of anything worst than buying some cheap tat for the sake of it either. My bunch of expensive gifts were used for years, some are still used today! How is that a waste?

Not sure why anyone is "an hypocritical weirdo" when they pity your kids who miss out on the excitement of opening their presents.

It's your vocabulary and your writing which makes you sound horribly miserable and bitter. Why are you so angry, is it jealousy that we don't resent spending money on our kids?

housethatbuiltme · 12/09/2023 12:40

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Except in this thread your not allowed to do experience, that LITERALLY what this was all about... its apparently demanding and overbaring to visit family or think anyone should ever be in the presence of your child. Its attention seeking to go pumpkin picking and a waste to go on a day out to an attraction or on holiday etc... and now you absoloutly must not buy toys either.

My kids have presents of both experiences and toys (which are proven to be good for their development). We are very happy and well adjusted thank you.

Also yes part of it is for ME (people keep saying that like adults without kids never do anything for themselves). Regardless of having kids or not I would do fun days out and go on holiday and celebrate Christmas/Birthdays etc... now I just get to do it with my kids too which is more fun.

housethatbuiltme · 12/09/2023 12:44

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 12:18

It's a waste for you, each to their own, it's absolutely not a waste for me. Every penny spent on my kids presents or parties was money well spent. The best presents for kids are not cheap, so what? Can't think of anything worst than buying some cheap tat for the sake of it either. My bunch of expensive gifts were used for years, some are still used today! How is that a waste?

Not sure why anyone is "an hypocritical weirdo" when they pity your kids who miss out on the excitement of opening their presents.

It's your vocabulary and your writing which makes you sound horribly miserable and bitter. Why are you so angry, is it jealousy that we don't resent spending money on our kids?

Show quote history

I agree the money spent on making my kids happy and allowing them to experiance new things has NEVER been a waste.

Its literally the most important thing to spend money on after the basics to keep you alive, what else would I do with the money? blow it on myself while my kids do nothing? save it up like a money hoarder until I die? That all sounds miserable

Backagain23 · 12/09/2023 12:47

There's only one ranting fanatic on this thread and I feel so sorry for her poor child.

babbscrabbs · 12/09/2023 12:48

Thing is, you don't need to spend money - except on meeting their basic needs - to really make your kids happy, and it's easy to lose sight of that.

DoubleTequilaSunrise · 12/09/2023 13:00

babbscrabbs · 12/09/2023 12:48

Thing is, you don't need to spend money - except on meeting their basic needs - to really make your kids happy, and it's easy to lose sight of that.

Life is pretty miserable when you stick to "basic needs" though.

It's true we could manage without holidays, without presents that end up expensive, but it wouldn't be as fun or as easy.

Sometimes you can find bargains, but I found that more often than not, the more expensive items (say a water and sand table for example) are more sturdy, longer lasting and worth spending more.

Hogisies · 12/09/2023 13:13

babbscrabbs · 12/09/2023 12:48

Thing is, you don't need to spend money - except on meeting their basic needs - to really make your kids happy, and it's easy to lose sight of that.

I mean, you don’t need to buy a box of tea bags- a cup of tea is a luxury when you can do perfectly well on just water… but where does it end?! Once you are fed, dressed and have a roof you can characterise everything as an unnecessary expenditure but life wouldn’t be much fun.

Dogon · 12/09/2023 13:13

leapgro · 11/09/2023 09:59

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing legoland, Alton towers, etc anything like that really… doesn’t seem beneficial for a one year old? I agree they are great places in general!

Show quote history

Took ours to Legoland at 18 months. I admit, we did have a voucher to spend, so we probably wouldn't have chosen to go if we were paying money for the tickets.. but he loved it. I think it's gets them used to (small) rides so they will hopefully be braver on them in the future! My boy's highlight of legoland was definitely the water play area , he ran around for aaages and was terribly upset when we decided to end it!

712oohahh · 12/09/2023 13:44

My SiL once confided that they'd love a second child but was very upset my Brother had put his foot down as he said they couldn't afford it. I don't think he realised that the rate she'd been plowing through money on her mat leave was way way in excess of what was normal or necessary. They could have had the joy of another child and sibling for their first, but she lost that by her ridiculous spending. I mean, what one year old needs THREE birthday cakes?

ginandtonicwithlimes · 12/09/2023 16:00

I bet those experiences probably aren't any cheaper than most Christmas presents...

You don't even need to give a child anything expensive but the joy of opening a little present is a lasting memory.

ginandtonicwithlimes · 12/09/2023 16:05

I live near a big aquarium and under 3's are free. Should I not take my one year old then as he won't remember it?

ginandtonicwithlimes · 12/09/2023 16:06

babbscrabbs · 12/09/2023 12:48

Thing is, you don't need to spend money - except on meeting their basic needs - to really make your kids happy, and it's easy to lose sight of that.

Life should be more than meeting a basic need otherwise life seems a bit boring.

Backagain23 · 12/09/2023 16:31

ginandtonicwithlimes · 12/09/2023 16:05

I live near a big aquarium and under 3's are free. Should I not take my one year old then as he won't remember it?

I took my 4 and 1 year old to an aquarium at the weekend, their eyes were like saucers and my 4 year old declared it to be "wonderful, mummy" 😁 though what does he know, he should be in the cupboard for another year or two yet as he won't remember it when he's 30.

Mamatolittlemonsters · 12/09/2023 18:09

My eldest never had a proper party until this year when he was in his first year of school (5). We’ve always had a party for family and close friends at the house and had some sort of day out with him. It helped he was a summer birthday so we got the weather

youngest is a winter baby so for his birthday we do hire a hall. Oldest one enjoys running round and my house isn’t big enough. If you just count the kids that are coming that’s 10 on its own. We still do a day out with him

We do both because it’s what I remember as a kid was my parents being divorced and my mum always throwing a party and my dad taking us out for the day. My parents gave me a lot to answer too 😂

as much as the extra money is nice it’s also nice to have the parties because otherwise we wouldn’t see my in laws at all!

Lollipop81 · 12/09/2023 18:44

I honestly don’t understand when people say they don’t take their small children on trips because they won’t remember it. For me it’s not about then making memories it’s about them having a nice time, and mine always had a lovely time when we had days out and they were really young. That’s what matters to me personally.
as for the parties for a one year old, it my cup of tea but it’s a celebration for the family I guess so who am I to judge 😂

BretonBlue · 12/09/2023 18:51

Mamatolittlemonsters · 12/09/2023 18:09

My eldest never had a proper party until this year when he was in his first year of school (5). We’ve always had a party for family and close friends at the house and had some sort of day out with him. It helped he was a summer birthday so we got the weather

youngest is a winter baby so for his birthday we do hire a hall. Oldest one enjoys running round and my house isn’t big enough. If you just count the kids that are coming that’s 10 on its own. We still do a day out with him

We do both because it’s what I remember as a kid was my parents being divorced and my mum always throwing a party and my dad taking us out for the day. My parents gave me a lot to answer too 😂

as much as the extra money is nice it’s also nice to have the parties because otherwise we wouldn’t see my in laws at all!

Again with the redefinition of ’party’. How is a party with family and close friends not a ‘proper party’?

Mamatolittlemonsters · 12/09/2023 18:55

oh yes! Probably didn’t define it very well. Obviously it was a party 😂

but not the expense of having to hire something out. Just a small extra cost of throwing something in the slow cooker and a few balloons and cake. It’s cost me £100 for my youngest ones birthday just to have the space 🙈

Jeannie88 · 12/09/2023 19:08

Have never been one for this type of thing, more important that loved ones can enjoy it together imo. I'm an older parent so most likely different views to younger ones who seem to want to celebrate any occasion online, more for this and themselves as babies don't care or remember! Just the way it seems to be now. If I'm wrong please tell me you don't post it on SM and I'll believe you lol. X

ThunderCloudsinSumer · 12/09/2023 19:09

Totally depends on the wealth of the family.
We had a really nice meal for dd 1st.

However, i think I'd rather put money away for potential tutoring they may need. Enrichment activities, piano, dance, cricket, football.
Money for diving lessons and uni. Tech equipment for school.

Trainers, would be the absolutely last thing I would be saving for.

Also money into a junior isa and a sipp for their pensions.

Toomuchfun · 12/09/2023 19:13

We did a massive 1st birthday/naming day. People came from all over the UK. The first time for many people to see him as it was the end of covid. If you can afford it and want to, why not? His next big birthday's will be his 10th/13/16/18/21

DoughBallss · 12/09/2023 19:29

100% worth the memories. Kids won’t remember it but they sure had fun on the day

GUARDIAN1 · 12/09/2023 19:32

Personally I wouldn't have spent £££s on my children's first birthdays, but then, I could barely afford to keep the gas and electricity supplies on at that time. I did home-made birthday cakes, a 'party tea' and just invited close friends and family. We had lovely times and the photos bring back great memories.

I bought Merlin passes as soon as I could afford to (children pre-schoolers) and zoo passes. This meant we could go on great days out pretty much whenever we wanted. All we needed was a packed lunch. Myself and partner bought the passes instead of expensive birthday and Christmas gifts for each other. We did do other, low cost things as well, like exploring in the woods, camping etc, which the kids enjoyed as much as the more expensive things. Spending proper time with children - whatever the activity - is the best gift you can give them.

Having said all that, these are the things I personally chose to do. Everyone has their own preferences and priorities and I wouldn't judge anyone for spending their money how they choose to.

Scunnered12 · 12/09/2023 19:45

It’s all for show. My DD got keep sakes for her first few birthdays and Christmas’s. I know she got a special bauble and can tell her when she’s older. Rather than £100 spent on plastic crap.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2023 20:12

Scunnered12 · 12/09/2023 19:45

It’s all for show. My DD got keep sakes for her first few birthdays and Christmas’s. I know she got a special bauble and can tell her when she’s older. Rather than £100 spent on plastic crap.

We'll throw a big party for DS' 1st birthday because it's fun and we want to. He'll get some plastic 'crap' too because again, it's fun and exciting.

DdraigGoch · 12/09/2023 20:38

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/09/2023 09:58

People can have a party if they’re able to afford one - it’s for the parents but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

Why is Legoland lumped in here? I can understand it’s not necessary for a baby but it’s great for older ones (or adults if you like theme parks) just from a fun pov, and also good for inspiring kids to play with Lego.

I went to Legoland for my birthday once, but it wasn't a party because of the cost, we just went as a family and I took a friend.

At the other end of the scale, years later I worked there for a season. One evening the park had been hired in its entirety for a four year old's birthday. The guests could have any food they liked, all paid for. The parents were Indian billionaires, the dad had flown back and forth for planning meetings. The boy would snap his fingers and security would put the buggy behind him so that he could sit straight down. They were originally going to stay at the hotel but decided instead to head for a swanky one in London, but an aide warned that they might change their mind on a whim and turn back, even at 1am with a four year old. Opened my eyes to how the other half live. Is the four year old happier than any other four year old? I doubt it.

I did also see a more run-of-the-mill birthday party at the hotel. Thirty guests, probably didn't come cheap. For a one year old. That sort of expense for a child who won't even know what's going on is just for the parents to show off. Each to their own.