To think these things don’t matter and you should save money for dc instead?

[leapgro]

Genuinely interested as to whether it affects them etc.

DC coming up to 1, lots of people having big parties, even balloons costs 20 quid let alone everything else. Hiring venues etc. Same with expensive baby clothes, trips to legoland etc. Surely unless you enjoy this yourself/have enough money to waste, it’s not actually beneficial for the child? Or is it? Am I wrong?

I agree. With one thing and another family life was very difficult when my son was 3-5… me, my sister and my mum had champagne for breakfast on my sons 5th birthday- he gained nothing from this since he was at school but we needed a way to mark the fact that we had got through and he was doing well and so was I!

These things aren't important to you, and that is completely fine. We all have different priorities, and choose to spend our money on different things. You could argue that beyond the absolute basics nothing is important to young DC, but as parents we get to choose what we want to spend money on according to what we as individuals consider important.

I'm curious what OP and the other judges do with their babies and toddlers?

I mean if you can't go out anywhere (no holidays or pumpkin picking or santa visits or day trips etc...) or have parties or even invite (summons) family members to anything etc... then what the fuck do you do for the 3-5 years until you finally view your child as a person?

With all the things listed here that are 'tacky' to do what do you ACTUALLY do... like where are your children actually at and what are they doing?

The 'they won't remember so it doesn't matter' is such a dodgy view too, millions of people suffer disabilities that effect memory formations are they not deserving of doing anything fun in life ever because they might not remember it at a later date? bit ablest.

Its for the parents. But i would say that my first dc daughters first birthday party is up there with my best events / memories ever. And i have lots of children and have been fortunate to have been to lots of parties / events / travelled etc. it really was a really special day and i am so glad we did it.

Maybe it came across as defensive but it's actually just pissed off at all the faux 'how can I possibly understand that other people have different opinions to me' posts.
It's bloody obvious that a first birthday party has no developmental impact on a child, but @leapgro has asked the daft question. It is generally considered a celebration, not a learning opportunity, and people celebrate in different ways.

Sorry to pick on you but several people have said similar to your post but you basically just posted.

'We don't do parties instead we just... THROW A PARTY'.

having guests, buffet, birthday cake with balloons is surely the very definition of a 'party'.

We had a small family party until 4/5ish but got invited to plenty of 1st birthday parties. I remember one was in a pub and the parents were very clear it was for them for surviving! When DD was turning 1 I wanted to take her to the aquarium. DH said she would have as much fun watching the pigeons in the local park. He was correct but the pigeons were less exciting for me!

✅close family and friends
✅buffet
✅cake
✅balloons

Mate, that’s a party.

I grew up with family that had the attitude that anything over subsistence level was a waste of money. Unless it was spent in the name of the business.

My mother begrudged every single penny she spent. She had this idea of the future that didn’t happen because by the time I got to the age of when she wanted to go out with me I had gone out and made my own life without her

I did the opposite with dc

I took them to Legoland and Chessington we were season ticket holders for years. We went all over for days out.

Dc remember some trips but although they can’t remember a lot of places we went they know they had a great childhood.

I just remember from a very young age being permanently wet and cold and having a snotty nose all the time stood behind a market stall (family were market traders)

I have a photo of dd’s 1st birthday party and she remembers that particular moment that I took the photo

What if you could afford both op? For some it's not one or the other. I think just don't judge.

There isn't a specific developmental least children have depending on the size of their 1st birthday party obviously but their brains are so plastic at this age that any new experience that's pleasant is worthwhile that sense. But that doesn't mean it has to be a party on their birthday, just experiences.

There's also the aspect of parties often bringing wider family together so it depends if that's beneficial or not 🤣

Agree with this completely - and for anyone who has taken their toddlers on a holiday abroad (presumably that would be judged as excessive by some people on here), they will know the sheer excitement on their child’s face when they first get on a plane or play in a kids pool. They wont remember it, but in that moment, they are enjoying it so much, they are learning so much and its priceless for the parents. I have a family member who lost their life mid thirties with a young child. Make the most of every day, no matter what age they are.

Haven't read the whole thread, but IMO building community is as important as building savings and financial security. These events can help your friends and family build long-lasting relationships with your baby by being there for milestone moments and making it a fun occasion so they're likely to attend.

Both DP and I are only children of introverted parents. As adults we've built closer ties with our aunts/uncles but when I talk to friends I feel this is easier when you have shared memories of your childhood, and I've envied the bonds some people have with aunts/uncles/family friends who they spent lots of time with. We're child-free for now and attend all parties for friends' DC we're invited to. I love celebrating the parents and seeing their children's development, and if/when we have DC we'll try our best to solidify a strong community for them.

This thread is making me realise what a homebody I am - not in the sense of being unsociable, because I love hosting, but in the sense that I love spending time in the house and garden and I see this as an important part of my DC's memories and identity even. To feel rooted somewhere. Granted, we are lucky to have that kind of home. But since we do - I like to actually spend time in and around it, bring people to it, and be part of the local community too. I think this is all important for the DC. It stresses me out as soon as the weekend is here to pile into a car and zip off somewhere else!

I don't know why there should be stuffiness about family parties of all things, and everyone's 1yr party is family or adult friends. We did 1 and 2 year old family parties, there are a lot of us and it's nice to have both sides together. Luckily we did the 1 year party, because then my dad was too unwell to come the next year, then covid got in the way for two years, and then he died. We all met at other times, but not all the grandparents and DS. So there was only ever that one year when DS had all his grandparents together. I think that's worth a few decorations (most of which have been reused) and cooking some food. He loved both the younger DN 1/2 yr parties too, where he plays with all his cousins. If not a birthday, we would have to invent another reason to get together, we wouldn't be saving money we would just call it February Foolishness, April Fools Party or whatever.

His savings are entirely separate; he gets a good amount. I'm quite sure he will prefer the memories of a childhood filled with laughter on days out with mum, dad, family and friends, rather than an extra £100k or £200k, if it even amounts to that over the 18 years.

@housethatbuiltme i said between birth and 18 months - 2 years.

It’s not just you OP, it’s across the thread and similar threads on mumsnet - pretty soon we’ll get the pumpkin picking ones (already cited on this thread), the Halloween is so American ones, then we have the joy that is Christmas Eve boxes to look forward to, and all the general fun of Christmas threads.

Despite many people saying they enjoy these things, their children enjoy them, they don’t do it for social media/ don’t even have an account even there’s still always plenty of posters fully prepared to ignore that, and smugly repeat
the same stuff about plastic tat, being brainwashed by big pumpkin corporations, only doing it for Instagram likes and if they can manage to work in the suggestion that your friends and family resent the invitation and hate your kid anyway then so much the better.

It’s just such a joyless way to live (unless you get joy from imagining how much you’re doing parenting better than the rest of us silly, social media loving sheeple, which I imagine many people posting this sort of stuff do). I partake in some of the above ‘attention seeking’ activities - you know like throwing my kid a birthday party and taking her to the zoo or whatever - sometimes I even share a picture. Like the vast, vast majority of everyone I know. Some of them we don’t bother with/ I don’t think would suit us or our family but I don’t feel the need to sneer at those who do enjoy those things or just assume they must only be doing it for social media or because they’re too stupid to have thought about the cost/ environmental/ other implications and come to a decision for themselves.

@BretonBlue 😂😂😂

ok, exact same point still stands... what on earth did you do with your kid until they where 18 months?

Shove them in a dark cupboard like you trying to grow a potato?

Or in that year and a half did you actually do stuff with them because the world didn't stop and they in fact did require socialisation and stimulation.

@housethatbuiltme baby groups at 6 months onwards, walks which were free, taking them to the shops or to a friend’s to play there (if they had dc, some friends didn’t). Basically I haven’t spent 30 quid at Alton towers or legoland, etc, big days out. I didn’t think it was necessary. Wasn’t a financial constraint, just wondered if there was a reason people did these pricier days out for the child’s development/if it’s important for the child.

Can you not understand that having different experiences is good for development even if they can't remember?

A child having a wonderful fun day again and again = a happy child, even if they don't remember that it's because they were at Peppa pig world and they love the Peppa pig books.

Like why give them tasty food? They won't remember. Just give them oats porridge and call it a day.

It's the same principle.

And as pp said, it's a celebration that the child has survived the first year. Not so much in modern times, but in the past it was a perilous period.

The first birthday party helps grow the 'village' that they will grow up in.

I think it's important to create good birthday magic, whatever that means to you. For me, sometimes that's been balloons and decorations in a village hall with the whole class and other times it's been a trip to a farm or something like a simple family tea party with £5 spent on their favourite Disney film themed plates etc. I wouldn't feel worthier than another parent because I did spend a lot of money or didn't.

Totally stupid. I didn't give my child a party or present, not even at Christmas until they were old enough to notice (about 3)

1st birthday parties are for the parents so definitely do what you want to do. Baby will be happy having a little tea party at home with grandparents and parents and a candle on a homemade cake and a gift to open really. I'd just decide on budget and go from there.