To think these things don’t matter and you should save money for dc instead?

[leapgro]

Genuinely interested as to whether it affects them etc.

DC coming up to 1, lots of people having big parties, even balloons costs 20 quid let alone everything else. Hiring venues etc. Same with expensive baby clothes, trips to legoland etc. Surely unless you enjoy this yourself/have enough money to waste, it’s not actually beneficial for the child? Or is it? Am I wrong?

I’ve had a family bereavement that made me realise life is short. Whilst I do try to save some money, I prefer for us to enjoy things with our children now because we never know what the future holds. Sure our young children might not remember a trip to Chessington or the zoo, but we will and they will have a lovely time with their family.

Sorry I typed that reply out on the run and loads of auto correct mistakes 😬

This. I don't care what others do, on the whole, but the amount of waste created by things like balloon arches is horrendous. It's like they have no consideration of preserving the planet for their little angels

@Hogisies I don't agree that most of the people that attend these parties actually want to go! They are mostly close family and friends who feel that they have to go because it would be seen as rude not to! Same can be said for baby showers and gender reveals......i know that im considered incredibly rude by some friends/family because i just say no thank you when invited to these things! While lots of my other friends and relatives will attend but moan about it behind the persons back!

Oh get over yourself.

That kind of sanctimonious reply is what makes many MNetters embarrassing.

"I don't care...but I'm just here pointing out I'm better"

We all know what you're doing.

The point is, there's a bare minimum we need not to die of starvation and exposure.

The rest is entirely lifestyle choices.

We are all in different income brackets, and even those in the same bracket make different choices about how to spend the money they have which is surplus to staying alive.

How do you think it would affect a child or their development? Genuine question.

There isn't an adult alive who remembers if they had a 1st birthday party.

Totally this but that’s just personal opinion. People can choose to spend their money however they wish; if it brings them happiness then good on them.

Mine loved Legoland and Peppaworld but she gets equal excitement from feeding ducks, splashing water, playing with sticks in forest, hiding items in the sand 😊
I did a lovely photoshoot for first birthday, framed and sent to grandma.

You know weird people then 🤷‍♀️. In my family/friends we do the stuff we want and not the stuff we don’t, and no one wastes time being offended. Some of my family didn’t come to my son’s baptism because they don’t support organised religion- that’s fine with me. My best friend planned a hen weekend that was my idea of hell so I didn’t go- we are still best friends. People shouldn’t make such a fuss about things.

If my family hadn’t wanted to be at my sons first birthday they wouldn’t have been there!

It is complete bollocks.

'Keeping up with the Jones'.

Just like the wedding industry these days where people spend the equivalent of a house deposit on a party.

IMO the best say to celebrate a year of life with a newborn is a family gathering with the grandparents, godparents if any, and a nice cup of tea at home.

@MattyTeddy ,

There is a helium shortage and prices are horrendous. The think is that it is light enough to escape the Earth’s atmosphere and the rate we are using it vastly exceeds the rate alpha decaying rocks replace it.

Helium is used for extreme cooling, in research and MRI scanners and NMR spectrometers.

Some are talking about mining the Moon for it.

So, before buying a balloon arch, think of what that Helium (and tacky plastic) might have been better used for.

Your post does sound a little judgemental. I love the days out as much as the kids, we took our kids to Legoland from babies and they loved it. You would never know from looking at our life that actually most of our ‘expensive days out’ are done either with discount codes, clubcard points etc.

We’ve had some really nice parties for the kids too and ive gone for places they have a genuine interest in or that they know will be really fun for them and their friends. I dont splurge on myself very often and would rather make their birthdays extra special. Equally though, we love walks, park trips and we’d enjoy a friends party in the park as much as an expensive one.

The best thing to learn with having kids is ‘you do you’ and let everyone else get on with it.

TBH @leapgro i also have the money to do something reasonably fancy but i've never really opted for these kinds of thing. We have always had a party but nothing big. My children have had mostly second hand toys for about 6 years now. It's simply about where you want to spend your money and what you find more valuable. A friend had a massive baby shower, then very fancy catered birthdays for the last 10 years. Both her children get high end presents too. That's just how they want to spend their money.

If there are godparents then there has been a baptism. Is it acceptable to celebrate this event with something more special than a nice cup of tea?

@CoffeeCantata I agree 100%

People don't seem to realise that all of the things you list are to fill the bank accounts of an industry. It's one where people are made to feel 'mean' if they don't join in, often spending silly money on plastic and tacky stuff that will destroy the planet.

What has happened to simple family values without spending loads of money and making a show of everything?

A party is nice nearly every year though is a bit essecive IMO.

Do what you want, it's horses for courses tbh, some like it and can afford it, others like it but choose to save the money, others dislike it and choose to spend, or not.

I wasn't in the least bit interested in parties for my dd until she started to show an interest and wanted one. I think her first one was when she was 6.

@DrMarshaFieldstone No I don't think it is.

My kids were baptised in C of E church. As adults they are now non-believers. As I am now myself.

I don't see why having had a christening has any connection with a first birthday celebration. Not in the Church of England.

There were no big celebrations for their first birthdays. All the family lived too far away and it wasn't practical for them to come.

It’s probably not that beneficial for the kids, although mine are teens now and love looking back at the pics of their early birthday parties! I also don’t agree that days out are wasted. We’ve lots of happy memories that we all treasure.

Dh and I love to make a fuss of birthdays for the kids. My oldest is 18 next and this will be his last birthday at home before he goes off to uni. The years since he came along have flown by and the future isn’t promised. Yes you have to think about the future but at the same time you have to make the most of now. I’ve no regrets about the time and money spent making each and every birthday special for him.

It’s the revolting, but apt in this case phrase, “making memories” I have a lovely photo of dd1 with my dm and dgm on her first birthday. I made the cake and we were iirc in a garden centre café.

I couldn't agree more with your final sentence and I am glad that your friend has recovered.

I really cannot stand wide-eyed naiveté from OPs. Virtually every culture in the world has some kind of celebratory event in a child's first year, whether it's a Japanese Okuizome feast or a Hindu Mundan ceremony. At one time a majority of babies in the UK would have been baptised; some still are, and others choose secular alternatives such as humanist dedications, but in an increasingly secularised society it's no great surprise that the first birthday has grown in prominence as a celebratory occasion.

Honestly, half of MN would have us all in sackcloth and ashes.

It’s for the parents, early years we invited family only and keep to a picnic in park as they grew older then we had more of their friends included. Fully their choice now.

We had bday parties at home until children 5.

Even a small celebration for immediate family is going to cost you £100-200 to feed them all and have a cake/few small decorations.

Arguably, spending another £100 or so for a venue is preferable for older children as you don’t have the hassle of shopping for food, making/serving food and cleaning up after. Especially when you consider there may be siblings to look after at this point, activities to facilitate, homework and so forth.

With regard to trips to legoland and the like. We generally do these on years children are not having a party….

Yes you could save it all and do next to nothing. But what sort of childhood memories is your child going to have? And what position is it going to put them in with peers? (They could be bullied or put down for example).

You’re probably spot on for under 3s… but over that I think some sort of effort needs to be made. Unless there are major financial problems at home, in which case of course save it.

Not everything is done for show you know. We have a very elaborate Halloween party every year… no one would know except my sister, her 3 kids and my parents. It isn’t on social media and no one else is invited 🤷‍♀️ We doctorate the whole house to a different theme, have entertainers come, have a special cake, have an elaborate party tea, dress up and play games with prizes (like T-shirts/teddies etc) We do a giant piñata.

We do it because the 4 adults and 4 kids love it. We don’t decorate outside the house. only one of us has one social media account and we don’t put up pictures.. so where is the show for everyone?