To think these things don’t matter and you should save money for dc instead?

[leapgro]

Genuinely interested as to whether it affects them etc.

DC coming up to 1, lots of people having big parties, even balloons costs 20 quid let alone everything else. Hiring venues etc. Same with expensive baby clothes, trips to legoland etc. Surely unless you enjoy this yourself/have enough money to waste, it’s not actually beneficial for the child? Or is it? Am I wrong?

A lot depends on the sort of people you are. Do you have big parties and make a fuss about your own birthday? Or like me who is an introvert and hates fuss.

First birthday and Christmas really don't matter. We made a cake and have photos but no party until they were 3. Even at 3 it was just a couple of little nursery friends for tea. We didn't go overboard with Christmas presents for a 9 month old either, they are more interested in a box and wrapping paper.
Age four upwards they are much more aware and we did big parties for a few years.

At 1 a kid doesn't know but for example we throw big class parties every year (soft play, cinema, bowling etc...) which some others don't.

My mam did for me and they are treasured childhood memories for me (an unpopular disabled child that often got left out of other people stuff). I do the same for my kids and they love it too... those experiences are WORTH the money more far than a generic £150 in an ISA.

I'm was meant to have court ordered savings accounts (divorce agreement in lieu of child support) that was suppose to be paid into that would revert to me at 18. Other supposibly sent gift money to be put into them too and I never saw a damn penny of any of it... not even sure they ever existed, if they did I didn't get them.

While I always have savings for emergencies (6 months of rent etc...) and don't buy anything I cant afford, life is also for living. No point saving it all up at the cost of experiences and celebrations of life until you run out of time and die with the 'most' money.

On the flip side I see nothing wrong with a £14 Asda cake but have friends that will think nothing of spending £80 on a 'custom' cake (which often look a little dodgy at best) but then do a 'party' of just letting them invite 3 kids over to play in the garden or sleep over.

Just horses for courses... we all do stuff different.

I sort of guess they will not remember but we took DSC to Disney land for their second birthday. He will probably have no recollection personally of this trip BUT we have photos he can look back on. We lost his father recently and those photos are now the only things he has to look back on.

I never had parties as a child,
Hate having events for myself now ie baby showers, parties any focus on me
Wish I didn't

I go all out for my kids birthdays

Had a big party for dc1's first birthday. We lived a long way from family, hadn't had a christening or anything so having a big get together to introduce him to everybody seemed like a grand idea. Had a bouncy castle for the adults and a smaller one for the kids.

Dc2 turned one during a long weekend away with extended family, so we had a cake and sang happy birthday.

Neither of them remember these occasions much less care!

I do a 1st birthday party usually, then when they start school and have more friends
In between days out on their birthday such as the zoo or adventure play, beach or whatever

A baby's first birthday is mainly for the parents. The baby will have no memory of it. For DC1, we had a meal with extended family in a nice restaurant and took in a birthday cake. Everyone enjoyed it, including baby DD who liked restaurants. Save the big parties for ages 4+, by which age they will enjoy and remember it.

A lot of things I do with my children aren't just for their benefit. I enjoy them too and I Want the memories. The older siblings benefit too as all have a lovely day out (and surely we want more lovely days with our families) Everyone enjoys different things. Some adults actually enjoy legoland 🤷‍♀️
With parties its one of the only times our whole extended family get together and all the cousins get to play/older members get to catch up. Plus....We can afford it.

@SpideyWoman1 thanks that is good to know! Maybe we’ll make 3 the big one!

I didn't do flamboyant parties for mine when they were wee and I'll be honest I do look back at times and think WTF was I doing with some of the things I spent money on when they were little. Baby swimming lessons being a classic example. Do I think my kids are better swimmers now at 6 and 9 because I paid about £10 a week to dunk their heads in a pool with other screaming babies? Nope. But hindsight is a wonderful thing and new mums get caught up in it all as it can be quite a competitive thing now thanks to social media.

I had family over for food and cake. DD wouldn't remember but it was lovely to celebrate. My NCT group also got together at a friend's house. Nothing super flashy but we all wanted to mark it

Thing is most things are free or super cheap for under 1s though.

When DS was a baby I took him all over because it was free or say £1 etc... for under 1s or non mobile children and so on.

Then lockdown hit and by the time it was lifted when he was 3 and his sister 1 and they no longer classed for 'baby in arms' reduced rates and things that (for example) like the local soft plat jumped from £1 entry for 'babies' to £10 for 1+ entry.

We did class parties every year from aged 4 yrs to 12 years for our two - sometimes shared. After that, we had smaller sleepovers. No I agree op, if I was on a budget I would not waste money on a one year old’s party. We would have a quiet close family celebration at home and I’d make a cake and that would be it.

The first party is for the parents - congratulations on surviving an entire year of sleepless nights!

We didn't even have parties for 1st or 2nd birthday 's for our DC. The children won't remember them anyway.

I remember a friend telling me her DC had asked to go to Disney land Paris when they were 10/11. Said friend didn't have much money. I replied 'I thought you'd already been to DLP". She said they had but the children were much younger and didn't remember any of it!

I'm in the don't waste your money in the early years rather than the instagrammer party for the parents camp.

One of my memories which contributed to our decision not to pursue parenthood was a visit to Mac Donald’s for a birthday party for nephews . I just couldn’t hack it. What a waste of money.

That's another valid point.

One of my best friends died of cancer aged 42 a few years ago leaving a 5 year old behind.

My friend didn't hold enormously expensive parties for her DC but she was an older Mum who was never sure she'd have a DC so did hold parties with balloons and expensive cakes and presents and all the things that were not particularly beneficial to the DC aged 1 or 2 or even 3 or 4.

But they celebrated the DC and how much her Mum and Dad loved her.

The DC will likely not have very concrete memories of her Mum but she has all the photos and videos of her early birthday parties where there was a banner with her name and a balloon arch, expensive unicorn cakes and all those things that some people want to sneer at.

Thinking of the future and wanting to save money for it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

But sometimes the future isn't what we planned.

#NoPuddingForYou

Yes - that's the impression I get from MN all the time!

But it's pernicious because I also get the impression that people who can't afford these OTT celebrations feel pressure to keep up with them, when really they should raise a cynical eyebrow at the craziness!

If you can afford it why not?

So Legoland is a waste? If a child enjoys something it isn’t a waste.

You could do them a jam butty in a park if you don’t value memories that they’ll have forever. You do you.

If it’s not leaving you unable to pay your bills I don’t see how it matters. Having said that though some people do go way over the top (no one I know, more zelebrities) and that seems tacky.

A very good friend of mine had a fancy party for her DC's first birthday and I'm sure the OP and some other PPs would have had a field day judging the fuck out of it.

However, what all of the guests knew but you wouldn't is that my friend had suffered such severe PND that there was a point in the darkest days when we genuinely feared that she might not make it to her child's first birthday. The party was a very moving and significant celebration of her recovery, and an opportunity to thank and pay tribute to the friends and family who had rallied and provided support while she was seeking help. The birthday boy had a simply lovely time crawling around, being fussed over by his loving 'village', and head-butting balloons. Lots of photos were taken but I don't think any made it onto Instagram.

I'd hope that someone who is coming to the end of the first year of parenthood would have some empathy and understanding of just how hard it is for many. Just because the party is for the benefit of the adults doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile.

I have a side hustle that involves me attending a LOT of children's parties (as well as adult events).

Sometimes everything is micro-managed to within an inch of its life - huge balloon arches, candyfloss stalls, bespoke branded cups and plates (yep), branded party bags, entertainers, face painters, DJ, catering, extravagant cakes - the works. And sometimes parties are a paddling pool in the garden, pass the parcel and a home-made, slightly wobbly cake.

I can confirm that the children (including birthday child) have an equally good time at both. And that in general, the more relaxed/laid back parties are the ones with the least tears/meltdowns.

It's really more for the adults that the kids - but each to their own.

You might have a point with the first birthday parties. But it's never too early to build relationships, share experiences. Yes, a lot of it is for the parents. But what if there are no parties, or no parties until school age? You then have a load of 5 year olds who have never been to a party....sad and probably not ideal for social development.
Parties are a chance for families and friends to get together - it's good for kids to know their families. Their birthday is only once a year, so drop their party if you really want to, but what if everyone drops the parties and your young children see less of their families.
Also, so what?? What's the point of life if we're not enjoying it.
Don't bankrup yourself for it, but I'm not convinced saving every penny for your kids future would be any better for them long term than spending money on fun.

Completely agree. On local FB mum group "recommend a day out" and people reply with £60, £70 days out! Plus all this ridiculous balloon arch rubbish. Father Christmas breakfast is the latest one - a snip at just £25 PER CHILD plus £8 for accompanying adults. Ridiculous.

There are plenty of arguments that sensory experiences are good for younger kids. How you do this depends on what matters to you. I care nothing for hen parties, big organized weddings, 'gender' reveals or baby showers: we had none of these and eloped with only four guests at our wedding.

DC seems to take after DH and me, and refuses point blank to have a birthday party. We did have one for his third birthday, which completely overwhelmed himm and he hasn't wanted one since.

He did love Baby Sensory and Toddler Sense, library story time, and especially swimming, which we've done with him since he was 3 months old. Aside from that we nurture relationships with those closest to us rather than taking the 'village' path: we don't have a wide family network. And whilst we're not into organizing parties, we prefer weekends away, holidays, and seeking out new experiences.

There's more than one way - and no set-in-stone 'right' way - to create beneficial experiences. If you really want to benefit your kids you could do no better than a few shelves of books.