To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?

[fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft]

I live on a new build estate and a group of neighbours have for,ed a nice friendship group. On Saturday afternoon one of the group hosted a small bbq , planned from 3-9. There were 10 of us to begin with but people drifted off . We were sat around a table in the garden, the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

At 7pm a bloke appeared at the back gate to say he was trying to get his 1 year old to bed and would we turn the music off. We did but continued to sit in the garden .

At 8 pm a post appeared on the community Facebook page saying that people having bbqs were selfish and had no regard for parents trying to put their little,ones to bed in weather we were not equipped for and with no option to close their windows .

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.someone
Posted a copy of the councils nuisance noise policy ( which ironically showed night hours to be between 11pm and 7am ! ) this was 8 pm

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on

Today the whinging post had been removed

What the fuck is wrong with people ? It was a sedate afternoon bbq consisting of 10 people aged 35 ~ 50, not an all night rave !
Aibu ?

same, i love to hear people having a nice time. it wasn't so long ago that we were banned from having fun, social times. so what if they are drinking? so what if they are sharing a meal? so what if they have music playing? they're having a good time, that's a good thing

Can you not see the difference between expecting quiet and 10 people drinking, chatting, laughing and listening to music?

Sitting there thinking well f-everyone who is disturbed by it it's our right is what is antisocial. Not caring about how it's effecting other people and getting uppity and argumentative when someone says they can't get their baby to sleep is the definition of antisocial.

"...and I suggest you fuck off" is the perfect suggestion 😁 I love it.

TBH your posts don't make you sound like a natural diplomat. Your attitude to your neighbours seems to have been come and fight me. Fuck off is not usually the language of diplomacy.

Would it really have been so hard to ignore the Facebook message that he later thought better of?

If you were really being disruptive then presumably other neighbours would have heard you and joined in with the complaint but it seems they were just there for the entertainment. You didn't need to defend yourself against the complaint.

Seriously we are not a. Antisocial group, we turned the radio off T 7 when asked

Or from parents who realise the world doesn't revolve around their children? Unless someone is being excessively noisy, it's unreasonably late or there's antisocial behaviour or whatever then its unreasonable to expect all of your neighbours to curtail their plans and socialising because you have a child- such an entitled attitude.

The Facebook thread sounds like it might read a lot like this thread. Next door to me have 3 loud children, we have bbqs on occasion and the other neighbours have 2 new puppies and also bbq on occasion. We all expect each other to make some level of noise, especially on weekends and suck it up as none of us are perfectly quiet all the time.

Of course YANBU and actually I'm sick of keyboard warriors getting away with spouting shit online with no come back.
That said you've got to now still live there so maybe the fuck off was a bit much .......but fair play to you

Why have a six hour party outside and playing music all that time? Knowing you have close neighbors. And your attitude. Nobody wants to hear a neighbor’s music and partying or what you call ‘a little bbq’ for 6 hours.

Ha I should've added a bingo card, it didn't take long.

How are the neighbours the entitled ones but OP isn't? Both want something that will impose on their neighbours - quiet for their baby to sleep, or the right to make noise that disturbs neighbours including their children. Why is the neighbour the only entitled one then? OP got what she wanted, to sit outside with her friends and make as much noise as she liked. Nobody with kids actually thinks the world revolves around them, we live in one of the most child unfriendly countries I've ever been in.

Because people are free to enjoy their gardens, and expecting them not to because you have a child is entitled. I have a child and yes some parents do believe the world should revolve around their children, I think expecting people at 7pm on a beautiful summers evening to not use their garden is ridiculous.

Can I also just say and I did say this upthresd. It by 8pm there were only about 5 of us left as the others had gone home , people had drifted off ,so. By 8 were were quietly sat chatting with no music and 10 was reduced to half that number

By that logic it also implies neighbours shouldn't make noise 365 days a year as not to disturb a baby vs 1 evening sporadically.

Because the expectation of silence according to your own specific needs when living in a communal setting is precious and unreasonable?

You were behaving perfectly reasonably until you started kicking off on the Facebook page.

You didn't respond to what I actually said though. Like at all. And OP was free to use her garden and she did, making as much noise as she wanted. The neighbours are free to be upset about her 'quiet little bbq' disturbing their baby.

Like I said the first time - they both had needs (in the case of the baby) or wants (in the case of the OP) that imposed on the other. The neighbours had no way of enforcing their wishes so had to endure OP disturbing their baby. They were understandably not happy about that. They do not strike me as the entitled ones in this situation but I do accept among many people online there is a compulsive need to prescribe that word to parents in any and every situation.

I think you're both.

You should be allowed to enjoy your garden, nice weather etc without people moaning.

Think you were being a bit unreasonable being so aggy in the comments. Also get the impression from that, that you were probably louder and a bit drunker than you thought.

I think having music playing outside where all the neighbours can hear it for hours on end is antisocial, even if it’s just the afternoon. Of course the occasional party is fine with apologies to neighbours in advance, but the neighbours were probably worrying that it was going to continue all evening. The neighbours were wrong to post about it on Facebook but the OP’s replies just made it all worse.

I mean I'm never going to agree that if someone lives by someone with a young child they shouldn't ever use their garden or make any noise at all at 7pm, so yes I do view people who think that should be the case as entitled. I did respond to what you'd written, do you mean I didn't agree with you and that's the issue?

Yanbu for the bbq. Yabu for the music - it’s so selfish to force others to listen to your choice of music.

I'm glad you used the word 'needs' at least.

The expectation that you can make as much noise as you like in communal settings regardless of how much it disturbs your neighbours, and then have them not be upset about it, is also unreasonable and entitled. Don't forget OP got what she wanted despite knowing it was keeping the baby awake, and is only bothered that the neighbours had the temerity to be upset about it.

No one is saying make as much noise as you like though are they? And yes of course OP got 'what she wanted' because we can't control our neighbours when they're not doing anything unreasonable thankfully.

I only mind if the neighbours haven't invited me!!

What a misery. We've hardly had any good weather this year. Hope you all enjoyed the bbq. Sounds like a lovely street.

Can't see the OP being invited again to be honest.

I'm cringing myself inside out, just reading about the behaviour.