To think I’m NOT a teeny tiny foodie

[orangita]

Or maybe I am and I just don’t realise it🥴

I work in an office and we’ve been incredibly busy recently, made worse by the fact we’re extremely unstaffed. It’s been stressful and frustrating and over the last few months we’ve had several occasions where our manager has bought us pizza or ice cream to say thank you. I never accept it but I don’t make a big show about saying no, I don’t harp on about it being unhealthy etc I just say ‘thank you anyway but no thanks!’ when they come round asking for orders. But now people have started rolling their eyes and passing comment about the fact I don’t want anything asking why not and what’s wrong with me and why I’m not eating etc and now people somehow think it’s because I’m one of those annoying people that make a big show about not eating (eg ‘omg I am sooo full!!!!’ After eating half a biscuit lol) but that’s not the case at all and I’ve never ever said anything like that. The reason I don’t want anything is because I’m lactose intolerant and it will literally go straight through me and the last place I want to have cramps and an upset stomach is work! I only once agreed to get an ice cream and picked the only dairy free option and somehow ended up getting a dairy option which I didn’t realise 30 minutes later when I literally had to leave work I was so unwell. So now I just politely say no thanks etc. I have explained that the reason I don’t want anything is because pizza, chocolate, ice cream etc has dairy and I’d rather not but somehow people still roll their eyes at me when I don’t have an ice cream at my desk and they have been passing comments suggesting I’m one of those teeny tiny annoying people and it’s really starting to irritate me because that’s not me at all. I’m a size 6 but only through lucky genetics absolutely nothing to do with my diet which is atrocious tbh- I had half (dairy free) cake for breakfast today lol. I don’t care about calories but I care about being unwell at work

am I being unreasonable to feel slightly annoyed at this?? Everytime they order a treat for the office I genuinely dread it because my colleagueswill be rolling their eyes at me and passing comments under their breath just because i don’t want something

Even if you weren’t lactose intolerant, I don’t see why OP should have to order stuff she doesn’t want to eat or to be made to feel the odd one out or the one who is picky and not one of the gang if she doesn’t order anything. There’s too much pressure on people to eat stuff that for all sorts of reasons, they aren’t wanting to eat, and if there’s any resistance, they’re a party pooper with eating issues. I would keep saying thanks for the offer, you’re fine and not ordering anything. If they keep going, is it a big enough organisation to have a HR dept? If not can you ask for a meeting with your boss and explain the situation and how it’s upsetting you?

She definitely hasn't said that lol. Reading comprehension is poor on this thread. The only reason she doesn't is because when she tried with the ice cream it got muddled up. I can see how that might happen with ice cream from a stall but pizza without cheese will be obvious or pizza with vegan cheese is likely to be be clearly labelled

I fail to see how in 2023 people don’t understand “sorry, wish I could but I have a dairy intolerance so I’ll be safe and say no, but thank you”. Anyway, just “thanks, but no, I’m lactose intolerant” on repeat. Strange they don’t get it!

@Changingplace I have a diagnosed non ige dairy allergy. (Not lactose) My symptoms are very similar to the op's. It could be argued that a non ige allergy and intolerance are very similar? But allergy does sound similar. I've never experienced dismissiveness. Although I have been asked why I can eat eggs, beef and chicken 🙄

Op is it one specific person doing the eye rolls / comments? Two people? Everyone?? I can imagine there maybe being one or two idiots that comment but it would be weird if the whole office are making you feel uncomfortable. That would defo suggest a work/ culture problem. Do you have any close colleagues that could help to voice the issue when the comments start?
I had a colleague that just didn’t like cheese so she would ask for a no-cheese pizza. We were a nice office but there was always a sarky comment such as “who doesn’t like cheese!??” so myself or another colleague would always say “she just doesn’t like it Omg how many times” but all fairly lighthearted as I think people would just genuinely forget her preference or were in disbelief that someone didn’t like cheese lol

And what if you are not wanting it because you don’t want the calories/fat etc ? It’s none of their business whatever the reason.

you need to let the comments wash over you, just agree when they suggest you are a food snob/picky etc, what are they going to do? You are giving the comments too much headspace.

But the OP doesn’t have an allergy, I also have a lactose intolerance and I’d never say it’s an allergy because that’s blatantly a lie.

My symptoms are exactly the same as the OPs if I have too much lactose but I’d never lie and tell people it’s an allergy.

Don’t you think encouraging people to use the descriptions interchangeable and say they have an allergy when they clearly don’t is exactly the kind of thing that makes people dismissive of people’s food issues overall?

I am surprised a modern workplace doesn’t try and cater towards staff’s allergies etc. It doesn’t sound very nice there.

‘I have explained that the reason I don’t want anything is because pizza, chocolate, ice cream etc has dairy and I’d rather not but somehow people still roll their eyes at me’

OP I wonder if you just need to say less but keep it simple eg ‘I am lactose-intolerant so no thanks’. And just keep saying that.

In your OP there were lots of words before you mentioned lactose intolerance in the middle of your post so some people here missed it. I wonder if the same happens in real life?

I would just repeat the simple words,’I am lactose-intolerant’ and nothing more till they get it.

Or one day eat the pizza and leave evidence in the bathroom as to what happens after you eat dairy...

Blimey OP, if your colleagues are anything like half the people on this thread you must be tearing your hair out at work! You explained everything in your first post and subsequent threads yet people STILL say the same thing. No advice, but fuck your colleagues, they sound as annoying as half the people on here.

While you shouldn't even have to explain yourself, OP, I think you need to explicitly explain your condition to your colleagues as they're really not getting it. I have a similar condition and it's only after explaining that if I eat something I'm likely to have uncontrollable, explosive diarrhoea that they'll shut up!
I'm guessing your colleagues are jealous that you're a)slim and b) seemingly have great self-control over food.

YANBU and you shouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself.

I used to have an ED and the workplace was so challenging because of it.

I was constantly asked why I wasn’t eating the sweet treats that were bought in everyday and not just once but constantly.

One women got offended and tried guilt tripping me into eating the food that she had prepared saying she’d spent a long time preparing it and she’s really upset that I wouldn’t try it.

My mum has major germ issues and would not eat food that someone else has brought in either.

I think asking if you want anything is kind.
But keeping on about why you don’t want anything or judging you for it is not ok and id actually take it further.

Also my new work place is very open and honest and my colleague has IBS and is very open about it.

If she’s offered anything she can’t have then she’ll say no and if they ask again or try and persuade her she’ll say something like unless you want me to shit myself then I don’t think it’s a good idea.
Its a very quick way to stop people asking lol.

OP I would suggest that you strongly emphasize the potential medical consequences, to make it clear that it's not simply a fad or preference on your part.

You want to avoid sharing unnecessary details of your symptoms, which I completely understand. I would try saying "I am afraid I can't, as I have a severe intolerance to lactose which has put me in hospital in the past."

However, even if it was simply your preference not to routinely eat pizza or ice cream for lunch at work (which would certainly be my preference), you shouldn't be subjected to this shit from your colleagues. As it stands, it comes across as workplace bullying to me.

Would you consider speaking to your manager about it. Make it clear that you’re not looking for a different food item, or to stop the celebrations but that the unkind comments towards you, point to a work culture that doesn’t support diversity.

There are lots of invisible disabilities and a culture of ganging up and name calling people who do things slightly differently is not to be encouraged.

I had somebody take care for once recently. Carefully did the labelling, kept it separate.

Contained wheat and barley.

It hadn't occurred to them that there was no point doing it if there was barley in it.

Catering manager, too.

Look the Op first post clearly doesn’t say she has told her team she is lactose intolerant. Her post says“ have explained that the reason I don’t want anything is because pizza, chocolate, ice cream etc has dairy and I’d rather not “ hence numerous posters telling her to use lactose intolerant.

Its the fact the Op doesn’t join in with anything food related ( and is tiny) that’s causing the eye rolls. There would be something ..just ask for a can of drink or sweets or something non dairy because it’s a team reward. Rejecting food as a reward is what’s causing the tutting.

I'd do a whole office email, stating: There are certain foods I cannot eat; I have explained this multiple times; but I am still being coerced and bullied into eating them, even though they make me ill. If this continues, I'll have no choice but to raise a grievance for bullying and harassment. Please respect my right to choose not to eat food that makes me ill, even if you feel this is somehow immoral or offensive.

And then I'd go HR if they carry on. But I would have been less polite than you have been at an earlier point 🤗

Mozzarella is a soft cheese which is loaded with lactose.

I would literally say "yes, if you want to see me shit myself in the office then please, order me a double pepperoni!"

Also "why are you all insisting that I order food that will make me poorly? Would you order some raw chicken if everyone else was eating it? Seriously, stop with the pressure, you're making me really self conscious!"

But in my office we are all pretty direct in that way (and everyone respects each other). Sounds like your colleagues would still ignore you so not sure what else you could do. This would drive me mad.

It’s absolutely mad that your colleagues somehow can’t understand the concept of a dairy intolerance. Are they all stupid or something?

But even if you were obsessed with food and weight, it would still be none of your colleagues’ business if you turned down an ice cream. If someone says “Not for me, thanks” the correct response is “Anything else we can get you instead?” and if the response is still “No thanks” then you say “OK, no problem” and leave it.

When someone makes a big performance out of saying “Ooh, no, not for me, I couldn’t possibly manage a whole ice cream all to myself, I don’t know where you all put it, I wouldn’t be able to manage dinner if I had an ice cream at lunchtime” then that is annoying. A polite “Nothing for me, but thanks” is not annoying at all.

A few years ago I was temporarily lactose intolerant after a really bad stomach virus.

People did the same to me then, and I was thin then too.

For the repeat offenders I found a graphic description of my symptoms would make sure they never brought it up again!

Your colleagues shouldn't behave as they are. If you don't want anything, your reasons are none of their business.

In terms of the "teeny tiny foodie" description you have mentioned, that usually seems to be used on here for people with food issues and possible EDs. A lot of them seem to make posts like you have.

There are other things in your post that could point to food issues. As others have commented, there was no need to shoehorn your size into your post but you did. You also told us you ate half a cake for breakfast, not necessarily an issue obviously but could be. People with food issues/EDs often try to prove how much 'bad' food they eat. Some people with EDs say they have various sensitivities, intolerances and allergies to restrict their food intake while going under the radar. So your post could appear to be "teeny tiny".

I'm lactose intolerant. I don't have these issues. Either your colleagues are a bit thick or you are not being clear.

We sometimes get pizza in for informal work events. They order me one without cheese (the place does offer a vegan cheese option but vegan cheese is rank). It's a bit dull but at least I have something there I can eat.

I find there is a good range of vegan ice cream around too now. And if that isn't on offer most places will have a fruit ice lolly.

This is so sad to read. I am lactose intolerant (used to be serious but over time it has got better, not saying this will happen to everyone) and I have had similar experience about work offering food and some people just not understanding.

Also sometimes the dairy free option is not nice so I would rather not have it. No I don't want pizza with no cheese, no I don't want dry cakes, I don't want chicken stripes for lunch, I would rather than my own lunch.

I just kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

My new work are much more understanding and since I have improved with amount of dairy I can have, it's made life much easier.