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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is it the wine causing silly thoughts?

51 replies

pavementsally · 08/09/2023 22:26

I had to take an overnight work trip to the city I went to University in & only left in January of this year. DP came along for the free stay at my invite as it’s the city we initially met in.

On the way back to the hotel from work (without DP), I bumped into a guy “Bob” I used to casually see & sleep with before DP a couple of years back. We made small talk, filled in each other about our lives (mentioned being here with DP & our dinner plans for that evening), and he ended with a lovely compliment.

My response to compliments since I was a child was to always scrunch my face, something I SHAMEFULLY never outgrew despite me granny telling me it would give me wrinkles! (Botox is the answer £££).

”Bob” & another ex used to always mention the face scrunches and other little things I used to do or the way I used to say things in kind and positive ways, but since being with DP he hasn’t made any comments or noticed anything about any little quirks I may have or things I do or say a bit weirdly. DP’s compliments towards me typically are nice smile, great laugh, nice dimple etc., but none of the small things i.e. DP curls his hair when he’s nervous leaving little piglets in his hair.

I’m home now (DP & I don’t live together) but feel a bit odd? I won’t lie, I cried! How is it a guy I only ever casually dated and slept with for 3 months remembers these things a couple of YEARS on yet DPs never noticed or commented/compliment on any of my small things or quirks. I remember scrunching my face around DP before and he just asked “what was that” 😂😂😂 and in fairness he’s right, it’s not that cute, I look like a pug😂😂😂

I’ve had a bit of wine so I may be thinking silly but I was thinking what the heck would ever be in his vows for me????? Oh yes she has a lovely smile, yes she has a great laugh and yes lovely dimples. Like…… ????

OP posts:
Original poster
pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:15

Well I want the best of both worlds 😂😂😂

I try dress up all sexy in lingerie but he doesn’t pass much heed of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:16

God help him and his piglets so😂😂😂

OP posts:
continentallentil · 08/09/2023 23:18

I have a head of piglets often. Passing children stick their fingers in them.

Go to bed Mrs and you can contemplate later whether your DP is right for you or no.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/09/2023 23:19

I'll be honest, your relationship and your partner sound really shit. You shouldn't have to beg someone to do something nice and thoughtful for you. He sounds lazy, selfish, and dull, honestly. He clearly takes you for granted and you allow it.

Laneymoo · 08/09/2023 23:39

I agree with @Aquamarine1029 I think you know how you really feel OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/09/2023 23:43

Read back what you've written about him, and then ask yourself why your standards are so low. Come on now, you must think you're worth more than this.

Original poster
pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:45

but wheeeeere is the man that plans the trips and buys the bouquets !!!

OP posts:
hev126 · 08/09/2023 23:49

No offence op but the face scrunching sounds like something that would annoy me. I don't mean to sound unkind bug if comes across as something you do deliberately in an attempt to look cute.

Almost like "look at me being all cute & girly, aren't you just falling in love with me", in a coy damsel in distress way.

If I thought my partner was deliberately doing something like this (or a make equivalent) I'd most likely ignore (well I'd inwardly cringe but wouldn't want to 'reward' it with attention)

hev126 · 08/09/2023 23:50

*male equivalent

Aquamarine1029 · 08/09/2023 23:51

pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:45

but wheeeeere is the man that plans the trips and buys the bouquets !!!

You won't find him as long as you're with that idiot.

Original poster
pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:51

Oh same but it’s an awful habit I have, I have such a chubby face 😂😂 so I hate my smile as my eyes get stuck closed sometimes 😂😂😂😂😂😂 so I scrunch so they purposely close and it doesn’t look like my chubby face loses my eyes 😉🥲😂

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 08/09/2023 23:56

I think you've had too much wine tonight but I do agree with Aqua. I don't think your DP is right for you, you are going to end up very frustrated and resentful and that's not fair on either of you. Time for some soul searching.

Crankitupanotch · 08/09/2023 23:57

hev126 · 08/09/2023 23:49

No offence op but the face scrunching sounds like something that would annoy me. I don't mean to sound unkind bug if comes across as something you do deliberately in an attempt to look cute.

Almost like "look at me being all cute & girly, aren't you just falling in love with me", in a coy damsel in distress way.

If I thought my partner was deliberately doing something like this (or a make equivalent) I'd most likely ignore (well I'd inwardly cringe but wouldn't want to 'reward' it with attention)

This ^

It's so 'try-hard' it's toe curling.
And you cried because he's not rewarded your attention seeking scrunch face?

🙄

Original poster
pavementsally · 08/09/2023 23:58

We all know I cried for a lot more reasons!!! But yes, too much wine, it’s been replaced with water 🥲

OP posts:
Crankitupanotch · 08/09/2023 23:59

And I cannot believe other pp's are encouraging you to ditch him because of this, telling you your standards are too low and to do some soul searching???

Fgs

mrsfollowill · 09/09/2023 00:05

Go the bed - you've had too much!! I've been with DH 30 yrs- he is never typically 'romantic'. I don't get flowers/declarations/ or anything but he is solid as a rock and has my back always.
Maybe sounds a bit dystopian but I woke up in a hospital bed at the start of covid in 2020. No idea why I was there. Felt like the opening scene of 28 wks later!
We have an old fashioned landline phone and I know the number so went to the nurses station and used their phone to phone home. To my (and his relief) DH answered. I had fallen down the stairs in a freak accident and been carted off with the blue lights goings 3 days before!.
As it was the start of covid lockdown no-one was allowed in or out- I was bloody unconscious- the staff kept telling him I was comfortable. To be fair I was - drifting on painkillers.
Anyway my point is DH has never plans trips or really done much romantic but he is there for me when the chips are down. Don't get me started on childbirth!

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 09/09/2023 00:06

I don’t think he sounds lazy / selfish / dull necessarily, but I do think he’s not a good match for the OP, who seems to be looking for a lost rom com character.

God knows there are plenty of women out there who would agree with the “DP” about cards and flowers and “cuteness” - I’m one of them - but the OP isn’t, so clearly she needs to seek someone more suited to her needs.

Crankitupanotch · 09/09/2023 00:13

On another thread the OP has just been punched in the face by her DP, putting up with his violence for 6 yrs,called 999 but was too afraid to speak...then here, we have pps telling op to ltb cos he isn't fussed by her forced face scrunching 'quirk' and it was 9 mths in before he bought her flowers.

Op, come on, get a grip

CuntyMcBollocks · 09/09/2023 00:15

You sound as pissed as I am

Original poster
pavementsally · 09/09/2023 00:17

Obviously a more serious situation than the one I am in, but my harmless post does not take away or effect that by any means. It does not take away from how serious that post is or how bad that OPs situation is and by no means should be compared. MN is a place for anyone to rant and vent as they so please with people prone to judge as expected on any online thread especially AIBU. Look, you didn’t have to read or comment on this, or let this post effect you enough to compare to one that is obviously very bad and frightening for the OP.

OP posts:
Original poster
pavementsally · 09/09/2023 00:20

I’ve also had a little (lot) of wine & feeling a bit down in the dumps. I’m entitled to use this thread for some humbling as much as the next person!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2023 00:24

Crankitupanotch · 09/09/2023 00:13

On another thread the OP has just been punched in the face by her DP, putting up with his violence for 6 yrs,called 999 but was too afraid to speak...then here, we have pps telling op to ltb cos he isn't fussed by her forced face scrunching 'quirk' and it was 9 mths in before he bought her flowers.

Op, come on, get a grip

The op is entitled to feel any way she wants to, and she is more than welcome to use this forum to vent about anything she wants to. If her issues aren't tragic enough for you, feel free to give this thread a pass and find another more worthy of your attention.

Firsttimecaller · 09/09/2023 00:27

pavementsally · 08/09/2023 22:45

I swear my mother used to ask me if I wanted piglets in my hair as a child!!!

Pigtails are curly ponytails at sides where I come from (where we call plaits braids as well). Maybe you're misremembering her word?

Cj19877 · 09/09/2023 00:32

Also here for the piglets 🤣🤣

But OP, it sounds as though he isn't so thoughtful. If that's going to irk you, you probably aren't compatible, especially if you do like to make an effort, sorry.

DixonD · 09/09/2023 00:51

pavementsally · 08/09/2023 22:55

DP has changed a lot in the past couple of months. Since Day 1 I’ve planned all the trips and dates (DP only ever planned our first date). He’s an awful gifter, now I’m not materialistic but this is the fella who bought me shoes in the wrong size for my birthday after asking me my shoe size 100 times… everything’s 50/50, now I’m all for feminism but christ who wouldn’t want a meal bought for them!!!!! Romantics not in his vocabulary and he does not believe in cards for any occasion, I couldn’t tell you what DPs handwriting looks like. Now he is a rural fella and I suppose you could say the rural ones are a bit odd and tighter money wise??

Yes!! I have one. Trust me, I know what you mean. It was my birthday a few months ago and instead of buying me a card, my DH signed the card from my colleagues (we work together) and said he didn’t need to get his own because he’d signed that one! They used petty cash to buy it. Good job I’m used to him and his quirky ways.