Wasn't told that my 1 year old had no food

[KittyKat95]

It was my 12 month old DS's first week at nursery this week and he's been quite unsettled.

When I picked him up today, I was told that he hadn't eaten since 10am (I picked him up at 5). I was really concerned to know that my one year old hadn't eaten for 7 hours.

As soon as he was handed over to me, he was pulling at my clothes wanting breast milk (he doesn't usually have this until 7pm) and becoming quite upset so I quickly went to my car to feed him and went home.

This evening, I'm feeling quite upset that my baby had no food all day and was probably starving and I'm thinking about complaining to the nursery. AIBU to expect that they should contact me in the event that he's not eating, so that I have the opportunity to bring in something that I know he likes? I just think it's crazy to allow a one year to go all day with no food and it makes me really anxious about sending him again next week!

I would just have a word with the nursery if that’s what you want them to do in the future. I’m sure they didn’t refuse him food, he was probably just unsettled.
I would be annoyed about it but not enough to remove him from the setting.

I don’t think they purposely didn’t give him food all day.

They probably constantly offered him food but he was in a new environment so didn’t want to eat. If you son didn’t want to s
eat they cannot force feed him.

maybe ask what tricks they used to try getting him to eat and go from there, rather than go in with accusations and all guns blazing.

YABU. If you were at work would you leave to give him something he likes to eat? It's a new setting for him so will take some adjusting. He won't starve himself - they would have offered food, but can't force him to eat.

When my daughter started she was the same but got the hang of it and now eats there happily. Just tell them to offer something basic that you know he likes in future if he's not eating the proper meals.

If the eh told you at pick up I don’t think it’s a big deal really. Hopefully he’ll get used to the meal times as he goes more. At dds nursery they get fed 3 meals a day plus snacks, so it’s not a problem if she doesn’t eat one meal as there’s something different on offer soon after. They also won’t allow food brought from home because of allergies. Did he really not eat any of it? They’re usually very kid friendly meals.

I'm not accusing them of anything. Obviously I know that they would have offered him food, I just feel there was a lack of communication and I should have been made aware he hadn't eaten anything earlier than when I picked him up at 5. I picked him up thinking he had, had breakfast, lunch and dinner, only to find out he'd had nothing.

We have a few children at our nursery who don’t eat during the day.

we offer breakfast, lunch , snack and a 5pm snack. With water being out all day.

until some children feel comfortable in nursery they don’t eat or drink like they normally would, we have one child who has one slice of bread at lunchtime and that’s it.

we can’t force feed children and food is offered throughout the day,
most parents do bring snacks to nursery with them to pick children up whether it’s fruit or crackers or a cereal bar, something to tide them over until they get home.

But it’s normal to find out when you pick him up wether he’s eaten or not. He’s still settling in, he will get there, but not if you are randomly showing up with extra snacks for him. YABU

I agree with a pp that you need to set out clear expectations about when you want to be contacted. I couldn't leave work and wouldn't to be worried all day, so would be pissed off if nursery called every time dd was a bit off of her food. Just let them know you want to be called.

He wasn’t starving. If he was starving he would have eaten the food which was offered. Sure he’s just taking time to settle in

My childs nursery has an app that they update with all meals and snacks so I would know if he hadn't ate by the time I collected him.

It's definitely worth having a chat with them to find out a bit more about how and why he refused food and what they did about it.

It's not that unusual for children not to eat at nursery, especially when they're settling in. My DS would often not eat much, if anything, at nursery (and my instructions were that he shouldn't be cajoled or forced into eating anything).

Its really tough when they start nursery. You expect them to be looked after and you are probably distraught knowing basic needs haven't been met.

You just need to have a firm but polite conversation with the nursery staff and set your expectations.
FWIW My DD was younger when she first went to nursery and her bag would have at least 2 lots of milk in incase she needed it during the day. Might be something to consider?
I had an opposite concern that they were trying to feed my 8month old DD cake, biscuits and fruit juice as the older babies were having it. Causing her huge tummy problems.
A conversation about my concerns was well received and they've been good as gold since. She gets different snacks 90% of the time as I have put a "no" list together.
They even rang me at work the other day (she's now 15 months) to check if she was ok to have a malted milk biscuit so I should probably update the list thinking about it.
I agree it's horrible, but I think you just need to share your concerns. Their reaction is then when you decide if it's the right setting for your little one.
Good luck

I think I'd expect to be informed if absolutely zero lunch or tea had been eaten, via the app our nursery uses. Can you ask that they inform you next time? And perhaps suggest some failsafe foods for them to try?
Don't worry though OP, I'm sure it's fairly common for new starters to take a while to settle in and he'll get used to the food there.

Realistically OP you turning up with a packed lunch everytime he refuses what nursery offer is not a long term solution. If he was that hungry he would have eaten. He isn't going to starve to death at nursery. Just probably wants a BF because he needs the comfort at the moment with settling in etc. He'll settle and eat.

OP
Your child is ok.
He was unsettled and didn’t eat.
Send him in with food he likes, and I’m sure he’ll start to eat more when he gets more comfortable.

Thanks for understanding, I'm having a really hard time leaving my child with virtual strangers and knowing he's not eating is making me really worried and anxious.

Thanks for the advice. x

Yabu. It's hot. My one year old's appetite has decreased this week since it's been hot. They aren't starving him. He was probably off his food as he isn't used to his setting yet. Pushing this back onto the nursery is unfair and you're overthinking this. 5 hours without food won't cause him harm.

They can't force your child to eat. Also I doubt you'll be able to bring in your own food. What if another child touches it and has a reaction due to allergies? They won't know how the foods been prepared or when.
I know it's really hard but generally parents aren't contacted if their child doesn't eat as long as they are otherwise well. Loads of kids don't eat at various times.
It was new for your son. It might have just been a bit overwhelming for him but he will adjust.
Of course talk to the nursery about it. They will have suggestions, maybe they will allow you to bring in food, maybe you can bring a snack at pick up. Or maybe the heat put him off eating.
It's very likely he will start eating at nursery but don't sit at home or work worrying. Talk to the nursery so you can find a way forward.
Does the nursery not have an app? Most update them throughout the day.

The nursery does have an app, but this is not updated until the end of the day, hours after I've picked him up. There's no updates throughout the day

He’s unsettled and hot. Both will sort themselves out in a short time

All mine did similar for first couple of weeks and no I wouldnt expect to be told until pick up. We just did some extra milk feeds and some food when they got home.

I would question that too tbh. It's pointless updating the app at the end of the day.
Staff are busy but it takes minutes to update.

I would have a chat with his key worker/someone from the room to check exactly what happened/what he was offered.

My DD started nursery at 8 months and both when she started and at around 1 (went through a really unsettled phase) she would refuse to eat there some days no matter what they offered her. I’d then get her home and have to fill her up. However my app is updated throughout the day so by 1 I know whether she has breakfast, snack and lunch and how much of it she had so it made it easier to get around. I agree not knowing this until the end of the day is incredibly frustrating but also worrying (I hated when she didn’t eat and would spend my whole shift stressing).

But I’d definitely just have a chat with the staff in his room to see exactly what happened and maybe see if they could drop you a message in the day if he’s not eating so you’re aware, I wouldn’t complain just yet

Also, I would maybe check if the app is meant to update at the end of the day or if it is meant to update during the day. I know when I had to make a complaint to nursery about something once and I brought up the app not updating all the time and the manager was furious and said it should be updated as and when meals/nappy changes etc happen

Yes I asked about the app and the manager says it doesn't get updated until the end of the day as she has to approve all the diary entries. Yesterday it was updated at 7pm when DS had already gone to bed!