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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wasn't told that my 1 year old had no food

84 replies

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:01

It was my 12 month old DS's first week at nursery this week and he's been quite unsettled.

When I picked him up today, I was told that he hadn't eaten since 10am (I picked him up at 5). I was really concerned to know that my one year old hadn't eaten for 7 hours.

As soon as he was handed over to me, he was pulling at my clothes wanting breast milk (he doesn't usually have this until 7pm) and becoming quite upset so I quickly went to my car to feed him and went home.

This evening, I'm feeling quite upset that my baby had no food all day and was probably starving and I'm thinking about complaining to the nursery. AIBU to expect that they should contact me in the event that he's not eating, so that I have the opportunity to bring in something that I know he likes? I just think it's crazy to allow a one year to go all day with no food and it makes me really anxious about sending him again next week!

OP posts:
Daisymae55 · 08/09/2023 22:30

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:26

Yes I asked about the app and the manager says it doesn't get updated until the end of the day as she has to approve all the diary entries. Yesterday it was updated at 7pm when DS had already gone to bed!

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That is ridiculous and would drive me nuts! I rely on the app to help me decide what to feed dd when we get home depending if she ate well or not

LittleBearPad · 08/09/2023 22:32

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:26

Yes I asked about the app and the manager says it doesn't get updated until the end of the day as she has to approve all the diary entries. Yesterday it was updated at 7pm when DS had already gone to bed!

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But you spoke to them when you picked him up so you knew anything important then.

Speaking to key workers is much better than relying on an App

Overthebow · 08/09/2023 22:33

It’s usual to be updated at the end rather than during the day, even with the app. I’d much rather the nursery workers be focussed on the children than continually updating apps during the day.

LittleBearPad · 08/09/2023 22:34

I would rather the nursery workers were looking after the children then updating an App every 30 mins

AnIndianWoman · 08/09/2023 22:34

Babies and toddlers only tend eat when they’re hungry not when they should, so if he ate before / after nursery and drank lots of water I wouldn’t mind. DS is an amazing eater - eats everything but is a comfort eater and when nervous can easily eat 3-4 helpings. His first week at nursery they had to sit him down to eat with the toddlers because he had 5 plates of food and was still ‘hungry’ (he was 8 mths old!). The nursery nurses were so proud of themselves when they told me he ate 8 helpings (and pooed 4 x) while I was just horrified. It eventually sorted itself out

Marmaladesarnie · 08/09/2023 22:47

I don’t think you’re asking too much OP, when my son first went to nursery (age 3!) he didn’t eat any lunch so they phoned me straight after and asked if there was any food he loved and would definitely eat. I got them to try him with some toast and he was happy. This was at 1pm not waiting until 5pm, I would be very hangry at that point and a long time for a tummy to be empty really!

Timmytap18 · 08/09/2023 22:50

YABU. My one year old was with my Mum today and when I picked her up Mum said she'd barely eaten all day, she was probably just too hot and bothered. I didn't really think much of it

Findingmyway38 · 08/09/2023 22:50

My son was similar but he was younger and just weaning. He refused the bottle at nursery and still does 7 months later (he's now 15 months). We just ensued he had a good breakfast at home, and we would collect him a bit earlier so his days were shorter. That happened only for a few weeks before he started eating, I think by week two he would have his yoghurt and fruit and then slowly got the hang of it. I think it's completely normal for them to revise food at first. But tell them whether you want to be contacted.

ShellySarah · 08/09/2023 22:52

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:06

I'm not accusing them of anything. Obviously I know that they would have offered him food, I just feel there was a lack of communication and I should have been made aware he hadn't eaten anything earlier than when I picked him up at 5. I picked him up thinking he had, had breakfast, lunch and dinner, only to find out he'd had nothing.

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But what could you have done? Left work to feed him?

Summerscoming23 · 08/09/2023 22:52

Aw how disappointing. My son didn't always eat well at creche to begin with either- but they messaged us on the app asking what to give him,and when he was very young we said milk! He's now a far better eater and eats most things he is offered. I hope your wee one settles soon

Sallyh87 · 08/09/2023 22:52

It is very tough putting your child in nursery but they do get used to it, I promise!

Some thoughts

  • don’t complain because you need a relationship with these people who are likely doing their best for your child. Don’t be a difficult parent (unless it is needed!)
  • tell them what your child might eat or what tricks you use to make it happen at home
  • He was very unsettled. He will get used to it. Next week will be easier as he gets used to his carers.

Xx

Original poster
KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:54

@ShellySarah they could have called me and I could have suggested food that he would eat as PP's have suggested

OP posts:
ShellySarah · 08/09/2023 22:54

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:54

@ShellySarah they could have called me and I could have suggested food that he would eat as PP's have suggested

You have no idea if he would have eaten it though even with your suggestions.

Stripeypyjamas · 08/09/2023 22:55

My 1 year old just reverse cycled so kept me up all night feeding and didn't eat or drink during the day. I was working full time. It was a trialling time!

Waffle19 · 08/09/2023 22:55

I personally wouldn’t take any food as this would just make your DC even less likely to eat the nursery food in future. He’ll soon learn that he doesn’t have the choice at nursery that he gets at home, and most kids end up eating far more varied things at nursery than they ever would at home because of this.

I think the staff would have called you if they were genuinely worried but a few hours without food isn’t going to harm him, as long as they were making sure he was drinking too.

It’s a big thing starting nursery and it’s bloody hot today so it’s not surprising his appetite is off. See how he is next week and maybe just mention it at pick up if he’s still refusing (although I imagine they will too if they start to be concerned it could be a longer term thing that needs addressing)

Waffle19 · 08/09/2023 22:56

KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:54

@ShellySarah they could have called me and I could have suggested food that he would eat as PP's have suggested

They really wouldn’t have time to do that for every child who refuses to eat a certain meal.

MargaretThursday · 08/09/2023 22:56

It's not unusual as others have said not to want to eat at first.

However regarding the wanting a feed, I used a nanny and my little boy used to always demand feed as soon a mummy appeared. It didn't matter if he'd just had a huge meal and a bottle, he still wanted mummy-milk as soon as mummy appeared. He used to feed a bit, and then turn round and give me this twinkling look that said clearly "mummy gives me the best!" and then have a bit more.
But he was perfectly happy with what I gave him while I was there.

Clefable · 08/09/2023 22:57

Depends on the app. Our app is a learning journal, so it's select activities and learning outcomes with pics from the day and it gets updated in the evenings. It's nothing about food and naps etc, that's done verbally at handover. So depends if the app is meant to be a blow by blow account of a child's day or just highlights of what they got up to.

I'd have a chat with them about food times and see what they suggest.

Clefable · 08/09/2023 22:59

Also kids tend to learn and adapt to have a nursery palate over time. My two eat anything put in front of them at nursery, but if made the same thing at home my elder DD would be highly suspicious (younger DD is still in the eating absolutely everything phase, which is glorious). Sitting with their peers all sharing food, even as younger toddlers, can do a lot.

Original poster
KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 22:59

@ShellySarah well obviously, I'm just saying there would be way more chance of him eating foods he's familiar with/likes.

If my son is under someone else's care, I would expect to be contacted if any issues arise (such as not eating) instead of finding out at 5pm and having to rush home and throw something in the oven. Wouldn't be so much of an issue if he was older but he's only 1! Would you be happy for your 1 year old to go all day with no food and not finding out about it until the end of the day?

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 23:01

Clefable · 08/09/2023 22:57

Depends on the app. Our app is a learning journal, so it's select activities and learning outcomes with pics from the day and it gets updated in the evenings. It's nothing about food and naps etc, that's done verbally at handover. So depends if the app is meant to be a blow by blow account of a child's day or just highlights of what they got up to.

I'd have a chat with them about food times and see what they suggest.

The app includes everything that's happened in the day e.g nappy changes, meal times, activities etc.

OP posts:
Cm078 · 08/09/2023 23:03

My son started nursery at 9 months, never ate a thing there. They wouldn't allow me to bring food in. 1)covid 2)hard on the other kids if they saw my kid eating something different to them. I worried for years, they tried so hard but he never ever ate.
We moved last year and he started a new nursery where luckily they allow packed lunches. If they didn't, i can guarantee he still wouldn't be eating at 3.5. 🙈
It may get better, it may not but just know you're not alone. I used to cry over it often!

Waffle19 · 08/09/2023 23:04

Honestly I’m not sure what difference it would have made if they’d have told you earlier in the day? The point of the handover at the end of the day is to discuss things like that. I think it’s very normal behaviour for a new nursery starter. A one year old will be fine without food for a few hours. Obviously not ideal but to be expected and if they were starving they’d have eaten something.

Original poster
KittyKat95 · 08/09/2023 23:05

Cm078 · 08/09/2023 23:03

My son started nursery at 9 months, never ate a thing there. They wouldn't allow me to bring food in. 1)covid 2)hard on the other kids if they saw my kid eating something different to them. I worried for years, they tried so hard but he never ever ate.
We moved last year and he started a new nursery where luckily they allow packed lunches. If they didn't, i can guarantee he still wouldn't be eating at 3.5. 🙈
It may get better, it may not but just know you're not alone. I used to cry over it often!

Thanks for understanding, I feel like some posters on here have made me feel like I'm being a bit crazy, but it really is hard putting your child in nursery and then the not eating on top of that is just sending me over the edge! I did shed a few tears tonight 😭

OP posts:
Teder · 08/09/2023 23:06

You are being unreasonable but I totally understand why, so no judgment. Leaving your baby at childcare is never easy. Firstly, he’s new to this so he’s likely to be unsettled and it’s early days. I assume the reason they don’t phone is because it might distress you more and make you worry. Whereas, it really isn’t deeply concerning that he went 7 hours without food. I wouldn’t expect to be told during the day but at the pick up. Sorry if I missed it but can you send in some food he would definitely eat?