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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he being stingy or AIBU?

89 replies

mindfulmum95 · 08/09/2023 21:16

So, I’ve been seeing this man for a year now. I have a child and he’s met DC 4 times. The two of us went for a weekend away a few weeks ago and whilst I was under the impression we’d split costs I didn’t think it’d be so extreme! (He earns quite a bit more than me and has less outgoings - not that I’d expect him to pay for more).

so we split the hotel, fine. Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine. Cabs etc - exactly down the middle. But even to the point where he said “Can you send me £3 for that coffee I bought you before”. Despite me grabbing coffees, and snacks without asking for anything. AIBU to think this is ridiculous and stingy? We both knew we were going away, and we both have enough money to be doing the thing we were.

I honestly felt like this friend the entire time we were away. He even said he’d send me the bill for how much it cost to charge his car throughout the journey. On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.
Now I don’t want to be showered with gifts, and I’m very happy that I can support myself financially. But over the past month I spent £150 on a trip out for us and £80 on a meal out and got nothing? He’s never done anything like that - it’s always been HALF. Am I mug? Am I expecting too much? It’d be nice for my partner to buy me a coffee without feeling guilty??

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 08/09/2023 21:18

YANBU. This is so unattractive. Even if you want it 50/50, it’ll even out without being invoiced for every coffee.

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 08/09/2023 21:18

He's telling you who he is....question is,are you listening!?

PerfectMatch · 08/09/2023 21:19

I'd find that really off putting. Asking you to pay for a £3 coffee FFS!

ChippyTea16 · 08/09/2023 21:20

Just dump him. He sounds like a dick and life’s too short.

tescocreditcard · 08/09/2023 21:20

Dump him! There's plenty a mumsnetter who's gladly take him in 😉

angelinaballerinaa · 08/09/2023 21:21

The prejudice comments towards people would be enough for me to dump him before he even had chance to ask for half of the money to charge his car

Covetthee · 08/09/2023 21:21

He sounds like a stingy bastard and it won’t get better and no doubt if it goes further and you move in rtc and he will resent having to pay anything towards your child

all that aside.. the main red flag for me is On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.

why would you want someone like this in your life and around your child

AnxiousPangolin · 08/09/2023 21:21

He sent you a bill for the cost of charging his car after a weekend away?

Tell him to get fucked. By someone other than you.

Watchthedoormat · 08/09/2023 21:22

I'd not waste my time on him.
So unattractive.

TwilightSkies · 08/09/2023 21:23

He sounds absolutely awful! Ugh!

NewMum232323 · 08/09/2023 21:23

I'm surprised you lasted a year, I wouldn't have. Just the sheer mental mathematics all the time, let alone how ridiculous and immature this is, would have put me off ages ago.

Zerrin13 · 08/09/2023 21:23

Why on earth would you even entertain the idea of spending 5 minutes with this horrible man?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 08/09/2023 21:24

Nah, I’d be done. Nothing so off putting as a tight man. Send me money for your coffee? Seriously? Fuck off. One of DHs best qualities is his generosity towards others.

Olika · 08/09/2023 21:26

Dumb him. Like yesterday.

Abfab63 · 08/09/2023 21:26

Eughhhh nooo! Life is way too short for this.

Blondewithredlips · 08/09/2023 21:27

FiddleLeaf · 08/09/2023 21:18

YANBU. This is so unattractive. Even if you want it 50/50, it’ll even out without being invoiced for every coffee.

This. How can anyone find a man that behaves like that attractive. What a Prince amongst men.

MiddleEasternMummy · 08/09/2023 21:27

You are absolutely NBU !! He's a dick , please god dump him , it's one of the worse traits in a man being so stingy , it's bothering you now and I promise it will wear you down and in the end you'll become resentful and start hating him anyway .

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 08/09/2023 21:28

Don't waste anymore time or money on him.

Kittykat9070 · 08/09/2023 21:30

@mindfulmum95

just reading about his behaviour in your post, has made my vagina clamp shut.

Ugh, what a little fraction of a man he sounds like

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 08/09/2023 21:32

Tell him what he owes you for his extra food at dinner and the meals and trip you paid for that he didn't contribute to. Watch him run away. Celebrate.

poetryandwine · 08/09/2023 21:32

You aren’t a mug, OP - you are a nice person. Is he? Because we certainly aren’t seeing any of that here.

We see a guy who has more money than you, a single mum. He is happy for you to treat him to the tune of£230 the past month alone, but requires that you split the cost of charging his car and reimburse him for coffee. He sounds prejudiced in most unappealing ways that you wouldn’t want to expose your DC to.

I have the ick just reading about him.

MrReflection · 08/09/2023 21:32

Blimey. I'm surprised you've lasted a year.
What happened to kindness and generosity?
Sounds like an entitled tosser.

addicteetopawpatrol · 08/09/2023 21:33

Bin

RicherThanYews · 08/09/2023 21:37

Go for one last meal and tell him you'll be paying the exact amount that your food and drink cost as you ordered smaller servings. Y'know, not huge plates like him, greedy bastard. It's so unattractive!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 08/09/2023 21:37

He’s homophobic and fatphobic. That in itself would be a deal breaker for me, homophobes are also usually sexist/ misogynists in at least some form and I wouldn’t be surprised if have other prejudice views. The money wouldn’t even be number one reason to end it, although it is definitely one of what sounds like a long list of reasons as to why this prejudice man isn’t worth your time.

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