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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he being stingy or AIBU?

89 replies

mindfulmum95 · 08/09/2023 21:16

So, I’ve been seeing this man for a year now. I have a child and he’s met DC 4 times. The two of us went for a weekend away a few weeks ago and whilst I was under the impression we’d split costs I didn’t think it’d be so extreme! (He earns quite a bit more than me and has less outgoings - not that I’d expect him to pay for more).

so we split the hotel, fine. Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine. Cabs etc - exactly down the middle. But even to the point where he said “Can you send me £3 for that coffee I bought you before”. Despite me grabbing coffees, and snacks without asking for anything. AIBU to think this is ridiculous and stingy? We both knew we were going away, and we both have enough money to be doing the thing we were.

I honestly felt like this friend the entire time we were away. He even said he’d send me the bill for how much it cost to charge his car throughout the journey. On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.
Now I don’t want to be showered with gifts, and I’m very happy that I can support myself financially. But over the past month I spent £150 on a trip out for us and £80 on a meal out and got nothing? He’s never done anything like that - it’s always been HALF. Am I mug? Am I expecting too much? It’d be nice for my partner to buy me a coffee without feeling guilty??

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 02/11/2023 17:50

Before you dump him send him a message saying you forgot to remind him of his half of the £150/£80 and send your bank details

You might as well get your money back before you DUMP HIM 🤷‍♀️

Cherrysoup · 02/11/2023 18:00

Very, very off putting. I don’t think you sound compatible.

Imagwine · 02/11/2023 18:04

Roughly half fine. Turn and turn about, fine.
Calculating it exactly, not fine and accepting your generosity but not reciprocating, not fine.

He sounds mean so that plus the comments, bin!

FiveShelties · 02/11/2023 18:05

Hate meaness, get rid of him.

5128gap · 02/11/2023 18:34

He's probably one of these depressing misogynists who think that if they don't 'make them pay their way', women (especially single mums) will sponge off them. I bet he says things like 'You wanted equality love! I'm nobody's meal ticket' to himself while calculating your share.

Butterscotch81 · 02/11/2023 18:37

Omg he sounds awful, asking if you can transfer the £3 for the coffee and sending you part of the bill for charging his car, I would be blocking him ASAP. What a knob!

Ladyj84 · 02/11/2023 18:43

Why are you with this guy horrible

VelvetVoice · 02/11/2023 18:45

You trained him that way and didn’t speak up when it bothered you.

trippytriangles · 02/11/2023 18:51

Surely a coffee is just something one of you pays for whoever goes to the counter?
I don't expect friends or even if I'm out with my mum we don't split, one of us will just pay and done with. It's a coffee.

Fionaville · 02/11/2023 18:54

Run a mile! The £3 for the coffee was the cherry on the cake for me! What kind of man won't buy his girlfriend a coffee? Bag him off ASAP!

Koalakubs · 02/11/2023 19:03

Tell him your bank statement has arrived and can he send you half of x/y/z that you spent on x date.

Once you have it say you double checked the menu at a restaurant you visited together and his share was £x more can he send you it please as you know how important being fair is to him.

Once you have done this ghost him.

But doing the above is worth it to help get over the ‘im being mean feeling’ that twats like him prey on. With age and experience I wouldn’t have another date with someone doing the above. Especially if they have an okay income. I totally expect to pay my way but that goes both ways- he’s happy to not pay his fair share!

myopinionmatters · 02/11/2023 19:14

This is what happens when you do "halves" (which is so gross btw 🤢)
Any man that ask me to go halves will go in the bin.
Either I pay or you do. We aren't friends

BiscuitBrewInMyBigBlueMug · 02/11/2023 19:15

Oh he sounds lovely!

Not

TowerRaven7 · 02/11/2023 19:18

Yanbu! Run for the hills!

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