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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he being stingy or AIBU?

89 replies

mindfulmum95 · 08/09/2023 21:16

So, I’ve been seeing this man for a year now. I have a child and he’s met DC 4 times. The two of us went for a weekend away a few weeks ago and whilst I was under the impression we’d split costs I didn’t think it’d be so extreme! (He earns quite a bit more than me and has less outgoings - not that I’d expect him to pay for more).

so we split the hotel, fine. Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine. Cabs etc - exactly down the middle. But even to the point where he said “Can you send me £3 for that coffee I bought you before”. Despite me grabbing coffees, and snacks without asking for anything. AIBU to think this is ridiculous and stingy? We both knew we were going away, and we both have enough money to be doing the thing we were.

I honestly felt like this friend the entire time we were away. He even said he’d send me the bill for how much it cost to charge his car throughout the journey. On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.
Now I don’t want to be showered with gifts, and I’m very happy that I can support myself financially. But over the past month I spent £150 on a trip out for us and £80 on a meal out and got nothing? He’s never done anything like that - it’s always been HALF. Am I mug? Am I expecting too much? It’d be nice for my partner to buy me a coffee without feeling guilty??

OP posts:
CherryMaDeara · 08/09/2023 21:37

Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine.

Despite me grabbing coffees, and snacks without asking for anything.

I spent £150 on a trip out for us and £80 on a meal out and got nothing?

Work out how much extra you have paid and send him the breakdown.

Then dump him. You must know you can’t live like this.

Onionsandplaydoh · 08/09/2023 21:43

YABVVU for putting up with this shit show of a joke. Come on OP, you KNOW you deserve 100% better than this.

Tinkerbyebye · 08/09/2023 21:48

I would send a quick text oh sorry xxx I forgot to ask you for the money for the sandwiches and coffee on xx day. It’s £x can you send it over. And by the way it’s xx for the day trip and xx for the meal and once you have the money dump

Chickenkeev · 08/09/2023 21:49

I totally think 50/50 is reasonable, but tracking coffees really isn't. That just flat out sucks altogether. Dump his sorry (tight AF) arse.

ActDottie · 08/09/2023 21:54

Yanbu if you can’t even buy your partner a £3 coffee without asking for the money then that’s definitely stingy! When my husband and I were first dating stuff was 50:50 but not to the extent we’d pay eachother back for coffee!!

SchoolQuestionnaire · 08/09/2023 21:55

Tinkerbyebye · 08/09/2023 21:48

I would send a quick text oh sorry xxx I forgot to ask you for the money for the sandwiches and coffee on xx day. It’s £x can you send it over. And by the way it’s xx for the day trip and xx for the meal and once you have the money dump

This. And then get rid.

Come on op you don’t really need to ask. You can do better.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 08/09/2023 21:59

Meanness is a horrible trait. Best to get it over with now...dump!

TicTacNicNak · 08/09/2023 22:07

So he's happy for you to subsidise his expensive food choices but wants you to reimburse for a coffee?

50/50 is usually ok for meals, but not when the higher earner is ordering more expensive items.

Please kick this one into touch OP.

Therealjudgejudy · 08/09/2023 22:13

Yuck. Tight AF

Icycloud · 08/09/2023 22:18

He doesn’t want to buy things for you, don’t buy for him unless he’s broke

tt9 · 08/09/2023 22:29

you know what to do OP.

catgirl1976 · 08/09/2023 22:31

Dealbreaker

I expect to pay my own way but I couldn’t bear someone who kept a note of £3 for a coffee

Hankunamatata · 08/09/2023 22:31

Wow get rid asap. Splitting equally would mean he pays for the food he ate not you subbing him.

ConsuelaHammock · 08/09/2023 22:31

He’s truly awful . I’d rather be alone than with a bloke like this.

StudentNurse3 · 08/09/2023 22:34

I couldn't cope with that. That is super stingy and I find it so unattractive.

Topseyt123 · 08/09/2023 22:36

He is a fatphobic, homophobic, misogynistic and penny pinching arsehole. What is there to like about him? Nothing as far as I can see.

Dump him, or life will become one long round of mathematical transactions every time you try to go anywhere or do anything. It will be totally joyless. He's a miser.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 08/09/2023 22:39

Reading your post has given me the ick 🤢 So unattractive, stinginess, but tbf it's worse than that as he orders more expensive things and still wants to split the bill 50/50-cheeky cunt. That alone would have me putting the fucker directly in the bin-on the first occasion, there wouldn't be a second opportunity for him to take me for a twat 🤨

usernother · 08/09/2023 22:42

Tight as a gnats arse. Get rid.

MsLavender · 08/09/2023 22:50

YANBU but this On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. would bother a lot more than the money issue!

Crankitupanotch · 08/09/2023 22:51

Eurgh, yuck!!

I couldn't imagine having a romantic coupley trip away and trying to getting passionate in the sack with him after all that billing, splitting and demanding for half of every last little thing, along with all the prejudiced nasty comments about other people.

What a MASSIVE turn off.

How have you managed a whole year with this tight-fisted pillock??

determinedtomakethiswork · 08/09/2023 22:52

On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.

Of course, something feels off! You are dating a complete knob. How could you put up with comments like that?

His stinginess is another thing altogether. I find it really really unattractive, but there are some women on here who make a chicken last for three weeks who would probably like it. It wouldn't be for me and I would dump him.

Snugglemonkey · 08/09/2023 22:53

OnAMidnightTrainToGeorgia · 08/09/2023 21:18

He's telling you who he is....question is,are you listening!?

So this. Very clear signals op. You know what you need to do!

Moveoverdarlin · 08/09/2023 22:57

He sounds mean. So so tight!!! I’d dump him and I’d explain why, spell it out to him ‘you’re stingy, to the point where you are mean. Asking me for the £3 for the coffee was the breaking point. Asking me for money to charge YOUR car? Sorry everything feels transactional and not like a relationship’.

Notimeforaname · 08/09/2023 23:00

I would send a quick text oh sorry xxx I forgot to ask you for the money for the sandwiches and coffee on xx day. It’s £x can you send it over. And by the way it’s xx for the day trip and xx for the meal and once you have the money dump

You have to do this.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/09/2023 23:15

Oh god, he doesn't fill in his eyebrows with a pencil and ask you to Monzo him, does he?

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