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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is he being stingy or AIBU?

89 replies

mindfulmum95 · 08/09/2023 21:16

So, I’ve been seeing this man for a year now. I have a child and he’s met DC 4 times. The two of us went for a weekend away a few weeks ago and whilst I was under the impression we’d split costs I didn’t think it’d be so extreme! (He earns quite a bit more than me and has less outgoings - not that I’d expect him to pay for more).

so we split the hotel, fine. Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine. Cabs etc - exactly down the middle. But even to the point where he said “Can you send me £3 for that coffee I bought you before”. Despite me grabbing coffees, and snacks without asking for anything. AIBU to think this is ridiculous and stingy? We both knew we were going away, and we both have enough money to be doing the thing we were.

I honestly felt like this friend the entire time we were away. He even said he’d send me the bill for how much it cost to charge his car throughout the journey. On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.
Now I don’t want to be showered with gifts, and I’m very happy that I can support myself financially. But over the past month I spent £150 on a trip out for us and £80 on a meal out and got nothing? He’s never done anything like that - it’s always been HALF. Am I mug? Am I expecting too much? It’d be nice for my partner to buy me a coffee without feeling guilty??

OP posts:

Ellie56 · 08/09/2023 23:16

Asking you for money to charge his bloody car and £3 for a coffee?! How unattractive.

You know you can do better than this tightwad miserable git don't you?

But before you dump him as PP have already suggested, send a text asking him for the money he owes you for the coffees, snacks etc.

tothelefttotheleft · 08/09/2023 23:16

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 08/09/2023 21:32

Tell him what he owes you for his extra food at dinner and the meals and trip you paid for that he didn't contribute to. Watch him run away. Celebrate.

Do this and then dump him.

menopausalbloat · 08/09/2023 23:18

So he's a homophobe, fatphobe, and a stingy git?
What a catch.

Starseeking · 08/09/2023 23:19

He is extremely tight.

M people mean on this way are usually the same in all areas of their lives, and it's usually not pleasant. I'd be getting rid of him if I were you.

Screamingabdabz · 08/09/2023 23:22

When he asked me for the £3 for the coffee I would’ve interrogated him there and then “are you actually being serious? You’re quibbling over 3 quid, seriously?” Nah mate. It would be over. Tight people are poor in spirit and generally insufferable arsholes. Dump. And send him this thread to do it.

fiddlesticksandotherwords · 08/09/2023 23:29

Going out for food, we split down the middle - but often his order was quite a lot more than mine.

That alone would be a dealbreaker for me if happened more than once, let alone the homophobic and whatever other disparaging comments he's made. As for sending you a bill for half of what it cost to charge his car and wanting you to repay him for a £3 coffee? Jeez. Tight as a crab's arse.

JMSA · 08/09/2023 23:29

GET RID.
Stinginess is THE least attractive thing on earth.

fettuccini · 08/09/2023 23:34

*On top of this, I've heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments
*
Why are you still seeing this horrible man?!

Jl2014 · 08/09/2023 23:34

Very unattractive and fundamentally a part of who he is. I would end this

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 08/09/2023 23:37

Throw him back, preferably into the sea with a concrete overcoat. Homophobia, stingy bastard.

stonedaisy · 08/09/2023 23:40

Ick.. he's stingy.
Asking you for £3 back is absolutely ridiculous.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 08/09/2023 23:42

Life's too short to put up with someone like that, especially reading his other views!
You should be enjoying spending time with him
He's taking advantage of your kindness too

bluebeardswife7 · 08/09/2023 23:56

tescocreditcard · 08/09/2023 21:20

Dump him! There's plenty a mumsnetter who's gladly take him in 😉

Can you give me his number? For a friend, honest.

TimeForACider · 26/10/2023 09:34

I went out with a tight wad once. It was so unattractive. I can deal with people getting bargains and love the yellow sticker shelf myself. However, he’d literally buy anything off it and eat it together. Didn’t matter if he liked it or whether it went together 🤮 He’d quibble over pennies, not cool. One of the many reasons he’s an ex!

Kisskiss · 26/10/2023 09:38

He sounds very petty and exhausting….

LakieLady · 26/10/2023 09:40

He sounds really unpleasant, how the hell have you put up with him for a whole year?

Sunshineandflipflops · 26/10/2023 09:50

On top of this, I’ve heard homophobic, fatphobic, and just generally nasty comments about other people. Something just feels very off.

Aside from the stinginess - this would make me run a mile. I can 'put up' with a lot of things in people but anything 'ist' is a massive hell no.

Re the money - I was dating someone a few years ago who had a decent job, a merc, his own place, etc and he insisted on only doing things he had a discount voucher for. It was a massive turn off as I am not money orientated but I was always happy to pay half when dating and would have rather gone to the nicer place with out the crappy set menu and paid half than him 'treat me' to the shite place.

Our second date was the cinema. He brought sweets with him and at the end they were in my bag as he didn't have anywhere to put them. He then messaged me later saying I could keep the sweets but could he have the voucher off the pack!

He actually ended things with me and I wish my standards had been higher but I was recently out of a marriage where my husband had an affair and I didn't know what I was worth.

Theunamedcat · 26/10/2023 09:53

Add up everything he hssnt paid you half for send him an invoice and dump him

newnamethanks · 26/10/2023 10:03

Another 🐖. Still got time to lose him and find something better, do NOT move in with him. Or you will spend your future life being interrogated on every penny of your own money that you've dared to spend. You can do better than this.

MortalWomb4t · 26/10/2023 10:59

Run...like you stole something, like your happy future without this repulsive man who is so tight that he likelysqueaks when he walks.

Every meeting like a transaction, nfc!

paintingvenice · 26/10/2023 11:02

Just tell him the cost of the dinner you treated him to more than offsets the cost of charging his car. Then bin him. I couldn’t be arsed with someone who invoices for coffee, let alone who makes bigoted remarks. He sounds like a right prick

KimberleyClark · 26/10/2023 11:44

YANBU. Unwillingness to treat you to something as small as a coffee would be a huge red flag to me even if he wasn’t also homophobic and fatphobic which are completely unacceptable.

sollenwir · 26/10/2023 12:02

The prejudiced comments would put me off more than any bill splitting tbh, however I'd ignore any future 'invoices' he sends you!

OhComeOnFFS · 02/11/2023 15:37

Don't give him another penny! Dump him immediately - there are few things less attractive than a man who's as tight as this.

Tinklyheadtilt · 02/11/2023 16:15

Ugh. Homophobic, fatphobic and tight with money. Get rid.

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